A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in an LDR relationship which has gone on for about two years. We have met and want to see each other again.Problem is, there is a huge distance between us, and it will be another four years perhaps even longer until we can live closer to each other (with visiting each other 1-2 times a year in between). I really like him, but I feel like the relationship is doomed because of how far apart we are.My boyfriend on the other hand, has this blind optimism which astounds me. I do not know how he can look at four years and think to manage it but somehow he does. He insists I am his future and to take things one day at a time. We have no real plan in place, which bothers me, but he doesnt seem to mind. He is determined we will be together, and is content having the plans come about as they are needed. I am surprised and puzzled at his level of committment. Is this a sign of love from him? I like him a lot but I think I am just more cynical in this area then he is. How does he remain so positive about this? I miss him everyday. Four years sounds so painful...sometimes his determination inspires me...othertimes I just feel depressed again...
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anglvette  +, writes (4 September 2011):
I don't know if this helps or not but I am in the opposite seat. I have been in a ldr for over a year and no plan on when for sure we'll be living together. I love him he says he loves me but I am more optimistic than him. We don't live as far apart (4 hours) so I usually drive over once a month to spend time. Though for me it's not hard doing the long distance since we are also working on other problems we have he claims it is for him. I have seen ldr that work and some that don't, I truly believe that it will work out however you want it to. If both of your love is strong then those 4 years will go by pretty fast if you keep positive and enjoy what you have. Which will also make you appreciate what you get. That's just my personal opinion. Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Claraw1 +, writes (4 September 2011):
 I am in a LDR and in my opinion his optimism does show that he does love you. Even so there needs to be a plan in place, something that you can work towards together. Just waiting to see what plans will magically appear won't work. LDR's are hard work and can be very painful as you don't have the person you most want to be with there with you as you know. Talk to him honestly about your need for a plan that you can both work towards together, maybe he will start to understand how your feeling. It is great that he can see a future with you, but he needs to work to make it happen. Good Luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): His optimism is common for any young person thinking in the now without regard to what it's really going to take. It's no different than the zounds of entering Freshman claiming pre-med as their major who have lofty goals of becoming surgeons..most drop out of that major when they take their first science course! Then they'll switch majors several times in a course of 4-5 years, getting equally excited until something sticks.
A healthy blend of optimism and reality and also knowing the limitations you face are the right ingredients to sustain and achieve goals. Your boyfriend is mainly fueled by optimism and that's age appropriate. Young men will often bounce around, pursuing the next shiny object, until they reach their late 20's or early 30's. Statistically, this is when they become balanced enough to sustain a commitment.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 September 2011):
 His optimism and determination may be refreshing but IMO they are misguided. It's not a matter of being cynical, but of being rational. With very few serendipitous exceptions, things do not fall magical into place by themselves , you need to have precise plans and goals. Things do not just happen until you start taking steps to make them happen in time. If you know that you want to get to X and you are doing first A , then B,then C etc . to reach there , even a long wait can be weathered out.
But "one day we'll be together " ,no, it does not work. Note that I am a big fan of positive thinking , and the power of intention, but positive does not mean irrational. Intentions always need to be backed up by practical actions.
...............................
|
