A
female
age
51-59,
*ippyButt
writes:Little back ground on us... My husband and I met on-line in spring 2005. We had a long distant relationship for a very short while before he asked me to move to Maine from Ohio to be with him, so I did... what did I have to lose right? I was single, no kids and if it didn't work out, I could always go back home, but this was my adventure! After a while of living together, we both questioned our selves is this what we want, because we rushed into this relationship. So we were packing to move in August 2005 and then decided, This is what we want. so we got a new place together. In March 2006 we found out I was pregnant, which I didn't think was possible because of so many complications before and the DR said my tubes were closed. We married in Summer 2006 and gave birth to our daughter Fall 2006.Okay... so here we are now. I got this gut feeling something was wrong and I couldn't explain the feeling, but when I get these I have to try and find out what it is. Something made me look in his phone and I found text messages and pictures. No surprise there, he had done this before, I was angry but even more mad this time because he said he would never do it again. Found out he had been talking to an old friend from his hometown on line and through this person, He found his high school sweetheart and they start talking, texting and telling each other they love each other and this was only after a couple days of reuniting. It started on a Monday and I found out Friday night. The messages I read hurt like hell... but I know what it's like to still love someone else, what hurt is when he said things like "he wishes it was her he was going home to" and the fact that he has no time to call or text me through out the day because he is so busy, but he had plenty of time to do it for her all day long. I gave him my blessing to move on... I was hurting like hell, but I was cool and calm, I wasn't mean and nasty like a lot of woman would of been. Probably because I understood the feelings.So here is my problem he said he ended the relationship... Now this is after the fact that he had already told me he loves her, he always will and that she wont leave where she lives, because she wont take her kids away from their father. After he called her yesterday and ended the relationship. He came home, he barley touched me and wouldn't tell me anything about the conversation except that it's done. I asked him why he ended it and he wont answer me. He wants us to go on like things are Okay... But I want and need to know why! Why is he here with Me, when he loves her. Am I just 2nd best and he is only with me because he cant be with her??? I keep asking him why, He wont give me any answers and he doesn't even say he wants me, he just says he is here and that because he ended it, that should tell me, that anyone one else would get the hint and that it should be enough... so is it enough??? Am I wrong to want to know why he is still here? I told him I am here because I want to be, not because I have to or need to be... but want. In order for me to process and get over all this I want to know why he is here. Am I asking to much? How stupid can I be to even stay? my only answer is, because I know how it feels to love someone else.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (18 February 2010):
 Oh sweetie..I'm so sorry. I almost cried when I read your post. I'm sending you a *HUG*. You are right, you are being far more understanding than most wives would be! You're not stupid, please don't think that about yourself. When we are in love, we will put up with all kinds of things. BUT..from what you have written, it would appear that your husband has resigned himself to being with you because he can't be with the other woman. That's not at all fair to you, and you shouldn't accept that. I'm sure he loves you, but he loves her too, and doesn't really want to let go of her even though he says he has. Life is short sweetie..don't waste it with someone who can't give you ALL of his heart. You deserve to be loved TOTALLY.
A
female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (18 February 2010):
 I believe the only reason he came back to you is because the other woman is not willing to move. You have every right to question him about anything you want dealing with this situation. He was going to leave you but then doesn't think you should ask him about it?!
If he's not willing to talk to you about it (thus no way for you to know what really is going on), then there's no reason for you to stay with him.
I wish you all the best!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 February 2010):
Why have the best of one world when you can have the best of two? I think you'll find that he's basing his reasoning on that. You're not stupid, you're in love. The problem is you are second best. And in truth, your love is wasted. Take a good look at your life and what you want. You'll find that you can do so much more with your life if you leave a man who treats you this way.
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