A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help me understand what he's thinking! The guy I'm dating is super sweet, then sometimes I feel like I just don't matter. Last night he was amazing to be with and hang out, romantic, affectionate, you name it. I spent the night and he was fetching me water in the middle of the night because I was thirsty, which is really sweet. Then today I went to his to watch a movie, but I got so tired during the movie I told him I was just going to go home, I could barely keep my eyes up. He said ok, and bye. He gave me a good-bye hug and that's it. He didn't pause the movie to say a proper bye, he didn't walk me to the door like he normally does. When I got home I sent him a text asking why he didn't walk me out like usual, and he said that the movie was a little exciting just then!I don't get it, I think that was kinda rude! He had watched it before, and it was a rental so he could have paused it, or watched it over again as many times as he wanted. Or maybe even asked me to wait 5 minutes until the "exciting" part was over so he could give a prober goodbye. Is it crazy to feel upset about this? It confuses me that he's so caring one day, and then the next he can't pause a movie to say good-bye. So what's going on here?
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female
reader, Tyedyedturtle  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Was he acting affectionately before you said you were leaving? If yes, maybe he felt like you weren't into the situation and wanted to leave. Thus, he felt disappointed and acted a little cold. However, that might not be the case at all. He might have just been enjoying the movie and didn't think he was acting differently or being rude. Should he have given you a proper goodbye? Yeah, but in the grand scheme of things, is it really that big of a deal? He didn't do anything wretched to you, honestly. He might have just been into the film and figured you wanted to leave, so he let you leave without a fight. He likely wasn't thinking anything bad and he probably still likes you. You likely have nothing to be worried about. Sometimes the answer is more simple than you can imagine. Either ask him in person or just let it go. I suggest letting it go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): Hmm sounds strange.Its possible he was slightly put off by your leaving and was hiding the fact he was disappointed by pretending he was ok with you leaving and overcompensating by saying a simple goodbye.Or its possible he doesnt really feel that into the relationship and makes a lot of effort with romance as he knows he does?? or will get sex out of you??Or it is possible he just doesnt realise he is sounding/looking contradictory.I really dont know. I think the best bet is to talk to him (in person). Maybe even be honest and just say 'hey sweety (or name), i noticed sometimes I see you , you are so caring and loving but then other times it feels different, and you dont act the same'. are you ok with spending time with me as much as we do?He may be completely confused, or he may ask what you mean and show he doesnt realise hes being that way. Or maybe he will admit any other feelings like that he feels disappointed when you leave suddenly, or on the other hand feels ok about you leaving as wants some time alone. I really dont know but all you can do is ask.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I feel badly that no one has an answer for you. I'm in a similar position myself and was hoping for some insight. I think at least in my case it's often that he's really just that oblivious. But I also have certain expectations about relationships and find myself trying desperately to look for signs that, yes, he really does love & care about me. We've talked about it several times. I'm someone who needs obvious affection. We he gives it of his own accord it is the most glorious feeling in the world. But then some days I'm lucky to drag a quick kiss goodbye out of him as I drop him off for work! It makes me wonder if he's truly interested or if I'm here & convenient for him at the moment. Again, I'm sorry I can't offer insight, but I can share the experience with you. Hang on a little longer. I am. We'll see what happens. Good luck!
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