A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, could do with some strong advice before i cry.I split up with my boyfriend a few days ago as i caught him lying to me. He moved out and i stopped all contact. Then thismorning he sent me an email and when i went to reply i found an email from a dating site. It took me a few minutes to realise i was actually on his email address still. When i read the email it revealed that he had signed up to this site just a day after we split claiming he was single and looking for no strings sex. He told of his fetish's, fantasies etc. When i looked further into the site it turned out to be full of dirty of slapper doing explicit things to themselves and messging my now ex boyfriend details of how theyde like him to do them.I feel sick to the stomach, he denies it and blames it on a 'friend' winding him up. Says he wants me to give him a second chance but im not sure i can. Im in peices- imnot ugly or at all fat so why does he prefer these women to me? I never deprived him at all, he only ever told me i was beautiful, the whole time we were together he swore black and blue he only ever had eyes for me yet he obviously found these disgusting images a turn on, god only knows what other intentions he had in mind.Please someone help me i cant stop crying.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 If you EVER feel threatened or afraid or sick of a man leave him right away befor it evolves into badness. your instincts are the survival guide to life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Sounds like you never really knew the guy.
My question is this, why are you letting him call shots? YOU broke up with him because he was a liar, he will STILL be a liar if you try again. What has changed in 3 days? Nothing!
Except maybe that he decided to join some dirty NSA websites. Does that sound like a guy who really wants to be with his ex girlfriend? Really?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): If you had already split up with him because he is a liar. Then the chances are that he is lying about the dating site too and he did join it. To own up to it might at least have given him SOME value. But to deny it and blame a friend is just weak and shows he is not going to stop lying any time soon. The fact that he didnt tell you about any of his fantasies yet he is willing to share them with strange women, also shows another disappointing flaw in his character.
It will be very upsetting for you but you had already let him go, so try and hang in there. If you did agree to go back out with him, you would never feel truly comfortable with him again or trust him. Given how he has behaved i would say, dont grant him any more chances to let you down but its your call.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): It is REALLY hard to say whether he is lying or not.I remember one time breaking up with a guy and friends signed me up for a dating site one night when we were drinking. Its possible this is exactly what has happened.If you want to work on things with your ex, then maybe you do need to give him the benefit of the doubt. Tell him that you will work on things, understanding that the dating site was a joke, that he will delete the profile/page made about him and that if you ever see it, or signs he is using a dating site that it will end. I'm sure if he is innocent he will delete it and back with you. If he's guilty, it will give him time to re-think what he wants and if he cares about you he will end it and go off on his search for no strongs attached sex.But i seriously think, give him the benefit of the doubt with the promise that anything remotely similar found, or heard of, or joked about by him or friends means instant ending of relationship.If you have trouble doing this though then dont get back with him and give yourself time to get over this, maybe the relationship has just ran its course
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): He's a liar. You deserve better. He will hurt you again and again and again... trust me, I know.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (30 November 2011):
Hi you are better off without him you deserve so much better than that if you gave him another chance what is to say that he won't just carry on doing it behind your back one day you will meet someone who will treat you how you deserve to be treated and then you will wonder what you ever saw in your ex trust me this is coming from experience
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