A
female
age
41-50,
*addream
writes:Please help, my husband and I have been married for 6 years and we seperated over a year ago right after we had a baby girl. I have a boy that is 9 from a previous relationship that my husband has raised since he was 2 years old. Neither of us have pushed the divorce issue because I believed we would end up back together. He began sleeping with his sisters stepdaughter and she ended up pregnant. She miscarried in November or December and he broke things off with her. His mother passed away about a month later and he went back to the girlfriend/stepniece. All the while he and I are still sleeping together. He has told me and his family several times that he does not love her, he is just passing time. I recently found out that she is pregnant again...22 weeks pregnant! I feel in my gut that she got pregnant on purpose! I sat my husband down and asked him to come home, that his family needed him, and I would help him raise the baby and forgive him. He tells me he loves me and he does not love her but she has threatened to have an abortion if he leaves her. He says he is confused and does not know what to do. One night he showed up to our house drunk and said he made his choice, he wanted his family back and wanted to come home. The next day he began acting strange and he was back to being unsure of his decision. All along he has told me how jealous this girl is...she does not like for him to see or speak to my son, he dare not speak my name, and she is very jealous of our baby daughter. She has a daughter from a previous entrappment situation and I think she is looking for a daddy for her. He called me the next day and told me that he had chosen her, that he felt obligated to be with her, that he loved her, and that everything he had said to me was not true...that he was just drunk. I begged him to tell me that he was just telling me that to hurt me and push me away to make his decision easier for him. He said that he may have meant what he said but his decision was made and he was sure that he made the right one. They are planning on moving in together and raising this baby together. (Even though he has a 20 month old at home and a 9 year old step son) He has been very mean to me since he made his decision. He is no longer allowed to talk to me so that he can make this relationship work. He said that he will do his best to have a relationship with his baby daughter but he knows that it is going to be hard because of me. I do not believe that relationship is going to work but he said he is going to do his best but regardless he does not love me and we will never get back together. I am going to the lawyer next week to get the divorce going again. I have never hurt so bad in my life and I should feel absolutely certain about getting the divorce over with and I should really stick it to him. I just don't understand why his obligation is with her and a child that she purposely planned to trap him over feeling obligated to his wife and kids. His family swears he does not love her and my gut tells me he doesn't. His sister feels that he would have already come home if she had not gotten pregnant again. I am so lost and confused, will someone please give me some answers? Why is he being so mean to me now? Do you think she is holding something over his head? Is he more obligated to her since she is family...disgusting! I am done but I still feel in my gut that he loves me...am I crazy? Will someone tell me this is a bad dream! I could also use some legal advice because I do not want my baby around her....she is jealous of my daughter so she doesn't treat her right. Will someone please help me!
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female
reader, GabiLC +, writes (15 June 2009):
 I commend you for being such a strong woman. I don't know many people who would take all the hurt and pain that you have taken over the past couple of years. You are absolutely right about the divorce and you should look into child support also. Your husband loved you but I think something happened in your relationship to turn him off for awhile and it wasn't the death. Yes, I think she's holding something over his head--- the baby and the fact that they are related (yes, disgusting). Yes, you still love him because that was your husband, but you have done everything in your power to make it work and you can't make someone do something that they don't want to do. I'm positive, with your attitude and ambition, you will find a man who is caring and loving. Stop giving their relationship attention because your children need it more. Next on your list, lawyer and child support. Then, back to dating. I hope this helps!
A
male
reader, Avg Man +, writes (15 June 2009):
Your situation is tragic. I grieve for you and your children. The first thing you need to do is find a good Christian church, meet with the Pastor and have him or her pray with you. Have him or her introduce you to some older women of the church who can spend quality time with you. This is a big mess that only our Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ can help you through. Do not be desparate. Do not make promises you can not keep. Take each day, one at a time, and keep being responsible for your two precious children. Do NOT take your anger out on them. Do NOT seek another relationship until this situation has stabilized. Be hopeful and be prayerful. Pick up your Yellow Pages and look for Baptist or Lutheran or Methodist or Presbyterian (or Catholic if that is where you were Baptized), and call the number! Meet with the Pastor...and stay strong sister. AM
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