A
female
age
26-29,
*0vexl0ckdOwnnx0
writes:I finally thought I was okay, and didnt need to rely on strangers over the internet to help me through my life.. Guess I was wrong.. I havent been upset lately but now its all coming back. about a month ago, I went to a party and i regret it, but everything happens for a reason. My bestfriend took a sip of a drink and acted drunk like the last time she did, where i stayed for hours watching her, making sure these assholes didnt succeed at getting her into a bed, i tried so hard and wouldnt leave her. and then i ended up leaving because i was the only sober one and i couldnt deal with it.. So this year i went to a party again with her, and she acted drunk and i just called her out on it, because all she did was hang on me, push me, literally jump on my back and ask what my name was. i had plans to sleepover but i just left because i didnt wanna go through that experience again. i woke up to texts and facebook notifications, saying how it was wrong to leave because of my bestfriend, then one of my really really good friends commented on a picture of me and my best guy friend calling me a player.. I didnt even comment or say anything, all i said to her was that i was done with her treating me like shit and that she was a crappy friend for all the times shes made me cry. Im done with that one, but the other girl just means a lot to me, and it hurts even more to see how they constantly update statuses about me, tweets, and stuff just to bring me down intentionally.. I just wish she'd stop, things like this hurts so bad it can cause serious damage, people dont realize how words can hurt. I deactivated my facebook, and unfollowed her on twitter and i just wanna cry so much because im so stressed out and i just need the one person who gets me through every obstacle in life, and that lady is still the teacher i had last year, who i barely get to see anymore, we only talk when she has extra help and still she tries her hardest to guide me, yet she cant always be there. like right now is an example of how i need to talk to her and she cant be there because its illegal. i just dont know what to do, im losing so many friends, i literally never hang out with anyone anymore.. i just go home and sleep, and on weekends i lay on the couch all day, i dont know if this is depression.. i have the biggest choked up feeling right now, and tears in my eyes because i love my friends, but its just i have to draw the line because ive been taking so much mental abuse from them and my family, they know what i go through and yet they still put me through much more that i can ever possibly handle. i just wanna cry right now, or even run away. It hurts to care so much about people and think they do the same, but in reality all they did was talk behind my back, and then dead me so quick and easily... if i ever begged for them back itd show how badly people walk all over me and how i need to learn how to stick up for myself. As of this moment i dont know what to do, i dont know who to go to, i dont know how to erase all this from my mind, and i dont know how to ignore all these mean things they keep saying about me, all i do know is that i cant take much more of this..
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bullied, drunk, facebook, player, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, l0vexl0ckdOwnnx0 +, writes (5 November 2011):
l0vexl0ckdOwnnx0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAw thanks :) but actually all these girls were recently suspended for all the harassment and bullying, its still not fair how I can't go on Facebook or anything but it's for the best
A
female
reader, ScaredForLove +, writes (4 November 2011):
Hey, I've gone through kinda the same things you have with my friends. It in't easy and it takes a while to get over. Its not fair that those kids took away your fun on the internet. And they are bullying you. I know it sounds dumb but seriously, ignore the twits. (haha new word:) Anyway, stick up for yourself too. Tell them how you feel and to knock it off. Find a person who is kind of an acquaintince and become friends. About the people you care about... People are asses. And hopefully they'll get over it. If they don't then you'll have to get over it. Not being cold or anything i mean believe me if theres anyone on here i can relate to , its you! Sometimes the people we care about most are the people that hurt us the worst. Good luck :')
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 October 2011):
 hi,
Your teacher sounds very wise and honorable. I can see why you felt she was reliable.
it is OK to ask for a social worker with more empathy. You DO need a social worker. They can do very good things to help. But you need to feel comfortable with YOUR social worker. So ask for a meeting with the person in charge. Try to keep calm. But explain how you are feeling they could have more empathy and consideration for how fragile you are feeling
Hope that helps?
Regards
Abella
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A
female
reader, l0vexl0ckdOwnnx0 +, writes (26 October 2011):
l0vexl0ckdOwnnx0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts illegal to talk to my teacher outside of school like calling and texting, i think it is. Over the summer she did agree to text me sometimes to check up on me, but then when i needed her i texted my bestfriend, his mother works with her, and he let her know that i needed her, but she still couldnt call or text me she'd have to email me.. She doesnt want to risk her career, she takes her job very seriously, gets her work done, goes the extra mile to help her students out and likes to maintain a professional level. Today i talked to her and just told her how its uncomfortable to me to speak to the social worker, she told me that i need to open up because she would never point me in the direction where it wouldnt help and that in the end this will ultimately make it all better.. I just get so upset after talking to the social worker, and she wants me to come every week in the morning to speak, but i usually walk out with like tears in my eyes, last year when i had to tell my teacher all about my life at home i spent 2 hours with her afterschool, i was choked up and couldnt speak and she heard it in my voice that i was going to cry so from then on after every talk with her she would put her hand on my head and mess up my hair and say stay strong, hang in there, i love you. and that would make me feel somewhat better knowing she cared and was there. but now when i talk to the social worker i dont get that, and i dont want that from her.. she ruins my day after the talks i have with her, with my teacher if i say im gonna cry she gets up and hugs me and whispers things in my ear to comfort me.. its so different now:(
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A
female
reader, chocogirl  +, writes (25 October 2011):
Please don't give up. It's awful that you are being hurt by these people, but it won't be the end of the world. If you can find new people to hang out with who you feel comfortable with, I think you'll feel safer. Even if it's just that teacher, it's important to be able to trust someone. I can't imagine why talking to her would be illegal... Also, the word player isn't particularly offensive, it sounds like something my friends might say jokingly. I guess it may have just been more embarrassing or confusing than insulting. I think you made a good choice by deleting and deactivating your social networking accounts too. It's really easy to become extremely reliant on your online reputation and relationships, and that's great you're getting better at keeping it real.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 October 2011):
hi
i can hear some strength growing in your voice. Which is good.
You will make new friends.
You just do not realise that yet.
But i also think you need to be calm with your social worker. The social worker may be over-reacting. Or mis-construing an inncoent situation.
Try to be calm. Write down your thoughts if it will help you clarify where you thoughts are, on this. Writing it down is a smart way to represent the situation without the emotion clouding everything.
You said, "this teacher I confide in and tell everything to and she's like a mother figure to me"
Now that is not sounding inappropriate to me.
But perhaps the social worker is aware of other issues that you are not. So I cannot comment on that.
Certainly schools are now becoming (justifiably too) very vigilant about any inappropriate contact.
But nothing you said indicated that.
You are a vulnerable very young teen.
You have been bullied
In your own words you have had to deal with "so much mental abuse from them and my family,"
And you are not finding opportunities to talk to the teacher who did give you support and you miss this support, once again in your own words, you "deactivated my facebook, and unfollowed her on twitter and i just wanna cry so much because im so stressed out and i just need the one person who gets me through every obstacle in life, and that lady is still the teacher i had last year, who i barely get to see anymore"
So your supportive teacher has given you so much support.
Though I am not sure why you think it is illegal to talk to your teacher who supported you? Who said it was illegal? Only if there was more than appropriate professional support? Yet I cannot see how this teacher (based on what you said) did anything inappropriate.
So why mght there be a problem?
Yes you said of your very supportive teacher that, "she cant be there because its illegal."
Please do discuss this with the social worker. What exactly is illegal?
And is the Social worker willing to provide you with additional support to get you through this current deep chasm of despair? If your Teacher is unavailable?
And what is the Social worker doing about getting you immediate support with a Doctor so you can start getting treatment for your Depression?
Your family are not there for you. You are very very vulnerable and you do need good protection. And you need good support to make good life choices.
And a hobby or two.
But you certainly need a reliable support who you can turn to as well.
There is a wonderful online one in England called www.samaritans.org and may a couple of sessions talking to them might help a little.
Do try them, they are very reliable.
Samaritans are free and provide support 24/7.
I think they would recognise how vulnerable you are and not mind that you are in USA. And may have some great equivalents they can suggest you try in USA
But that is a stop-gap solution.
Ask the Social Worker if the Social worker could please arrange a meeting with the Teacher to see what else might be possible. Certainly you trusted the teacher.
Ask the Social worker why the Teacher is off-limits or "illegal"? for you to speak to the teacher?
If there really is a threat to you from the teacher (and I do not yet pick up that there is) then surely someone needs to be honest with you and explain why.
The next possibility is one where the Social Worker MUST give you a lot of extra support. And that is if the teacher has ben told to have less contact or if the teacher has asked to have less contact with you, because the teacher is uncmfortable, then the teacher should explain that to you in front of your Social Worker
If that is the case then then you may need additional support to get through that.
Try to stay calm, if that is what has happened.
A Social worker fulfills a very important role in the life of a vulnerable person. They are there as a support. They help you deal with living. And there to suggest things.
But a Social worker is not a Doctor. And yes they do have very good Life Skills, coaching skils and good counseling skills.
Though I would see a specialist like a psychologist as even more specialised at giving some forms of support than a Social worker.
And a Social worker is not a medical specialist like a Psychiatrist.
A Social Worker is there to pick up the pieces, try to protect you if you are vulnerable and also need to encourage you to get the support you need, even if it is temporary from one of these other specialist field to help you deal with some crushing issues. and to help you get proper monitored Medical suppoort and assistance with your depression. The latter is your biggest Priority as I see it.
Best wishes and I hope things improve soon
Regards
Abella
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A
female
reader, l0vexl0ckdOwnnx0 +, writes (25 October 2011):
l0vexl0ckdOwnnx0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah thank you all so much, I don't need them I just feel lost and depressed without them.. I made them my everything, always relied on them, and now I have nothing.. I know to never do that again. Today the social worker called me down and told me that my relationship with my teacher needs to end, idk what to do because I've became so close with this lady that I call her my mom and this social worker just can't come into my life and say that whenever I need advice I cant rely on my teacher and that I need to go to her.. Honestly who does she think she is to ruin the bond that me and this teacher share? She thinks I'm a weirdo because I said that this teacher I confide in and tell everything to and she's like a mother figure to me.. I hate this so much, she wants to get me counseling but I can't open up too well and it took my teacher a year to persuade me into talking to this social worker I'm not comfortable with this:/
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): it sounds like you need to make new friends. these people do not sound like the type of people you want to be friends with. find some friends that make good choices and can treat you better. there are people out there like that, and some times they're the ones YOU never gave a chance to. youre hanging out with the ones that party, and group up on you whenever you need a friend, they all get together and arent there for you. take what you have to offer and give it to better friends with better intentions.
you dont need to be around drinking at your age. these are the years where a girl your age blooms. the life style, friends, and the hobbies you choose now, will effect you the rest of your life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2011):
 Honey, don't worry, you did right. Sometimes you MUST be selfish, in the sense you have to put yourself first, and protect yourself, your life and your feelings . At 1 to 15, you should not even BE at a party where drinking is allowed, you should not even be exposed to this kind of atmosphere ! and if I were your parent or tutor, I'd be absolutely furious, not with you, but with the morons who try to involve you in this kind of scene at your age.
Don't be afraid of being alone, alone does not necessarily means lonely.Yeah I know, at your age there is this incredible craving for a sense of BELONGING, of being part of a group ( and, if you are honest with yourself , that's mostly what your attachment to your " bad " friends is - it's not just sheer unconditonal love , - which is good,otherwise it would mean you only love idiots ). And when you can't satisfy this craving , it SUCKS, you feel wrong and faulty. But it's not true - you just haven't found your kindred spirits yet. Friends are supposed to make your life richer ( emotionally ) and happier, if they don't- good riddance !
You can start looking for new friends, looking maybe for some shared interest or passion or hobby, which is surely a better base for friendship that just hanging out with anybody just for the sake of it. Isn't there a course of something you could begin, or an on line forum of like minded people ?...
but anyway, don'r obsess over this, this is just temporary, life will bring you in touch with so many other different people and with time and experience you will have developped a radar for potential good friends vs. backstabbers. In the meantime, ignore all catty comments, don't give them one more second of attention, and use your alone time to find out about yourself, who you really are, what are your talents and passions. Read. Write a diary, or poems. Draw. Post on Dear Cupid :).
Learn to think of your life as a very exclusive club, not everybody can join and be a member. Of course there will be lonely, quiet evenings, - if you go to your local shantytown bars , there will be more people, more " fun ". But quality beats quantity hands down any day.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 October 2011):
Bullying is a serious serious issue. and One that you need some help and counselling to address.
You are welcome to visit DearCupid.org any time you need to. You are doing too much to help people who do not even deserve your help. If anything you need to seek out a better group of friends, but that is easier said than done.
You certainly need to think about developing another hobby that might put you in touch with some responsible nicer people, where you do not have the worry of acting as chaperone for people who hardly even appreciate your efforts.
if your friends are acting in irresponsible ways and you are the responsible one then perhaps they are in another head space to you and do not care as much about acting in a mature responsible way. there will always be such people, not just as teenagers. You are not responsible for their stupidity.
I am glad you abandoned plans to join a sleep over after the silly behavior of a person you thought was a friend.
Cyber Bullying is utterly disgusting. And you were right to leave when you did. And you did not need to wake up to such inane bullying on line. these people are not acting as friends. They are abusive and ignorant. You do NOT sound like a player.
For Player, which you are not, read the definitve description at anonymousmale1 on this site. The description does not sound like you, at all.
If someone you thought was a friend is also goading you and causing you pain then sadly she has ceased to be a friend. And is instead becoming one of the abusers. For your sake you do need to cut contact until she learns to be real again. Sometimes a friend is there for a long time, and remains in our life but sometimes circumstances mean that we lose contact. But even then things can change and when she is more mature she may learn to value you again as a good person.
I am very pleased to hear that you deactivated your FaceBook and unfollowed on Twitter. That is a really good move. They will find a new topic to talk about. By not responding you starve them of any topics pertaining to you, to talk about.
While the teacher is unavailable I do think you do need a counsellor - maybe one external to your school so that you can also freely discuss the teacher issue that you still think about?
What you have described could be Depression. Only a Doctor can check for that. So I would suggest that you should get that checked out as soon as possible. when you get to speak to you Doctor about your Depression after for a referral to a specialist who treats Depression for a second opinion. A General Practitioner can be very busy. And may miss important signs. Never think of Depression as benign. It is a Serious Illness. You may look healthy and fit on the outside. But if it is Depression thenit is just as serious as if you had a heart or a lung sick. Please get help for that as soon as possible and ask for a referral to a specialist Doctor to ensure that you get the very best treatment.
You even have family issues. This is just TOO MUCH for you to even attempt to try to solve by yourself. You need support and good professional support and as soon as possible to help you grow in strength and resilience and get the extra support you need.
If I could send you a Virtual Mom Hug I would. I can hear your pain.
Never think running away would help. That would make it much much worse and force you into a very vulnerable position. You do not need that.
Please find below some links to help you. Do not hesitate to seek support from the bullying sites. They understand your pain.
Biderman’s Chart of Coercion helped me so much when I was bullied. And the important thing is to not react the way the Bully wants.
Bullying links
http://bullyoffline.org/workbully/index.htm
http://www.overcomebullying.org/bullying-links.html
Bullying at school
http://www.bullying.com.au/school-bullying/index.php
Social network bullying
http://www.privacycom.org/content/release-19-child-safe
why do people bully
http://notcooltobecruel.com/why_do_people_bully.htm
Ostracism - ignoring and isolating a person
http://williams.socialpsychology.org/
http://www1.psych.purdue.edu/~willia55/Announce/cyberball.htm
Biderman’s Chart of Coercion – how an abuser does it
http://www.familyshelterservice.org/pdf/bidermans_chart_of_coercion.pdf
Helping parents understand social network bullying
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/media_teenagers.html/context/1108?s_kwcid=TC|14513|social%20networking||S|b|11519688691&gclid=CLD
My very best wishes to you. Right now it seems bleak. But with good support you will overcome these terrible barriers.
My best wishes to you
Abella
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