A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 4 years and a half has been depressed for the past few months (i should say ex bf now since he just broke up with me a few hours ago). Sorry if this is too long in advance.When we first got together 4 and half years ago he warned me that he was bi-polar, but throughout the years we have been together he never once seemed that way, he was happy, funny, joking about etc etc. Few months back around his birthday he started to act distant and cold and very unhappy. I had to start a fight just so he could tell me what was going on, during that fight he finally confessed to being unhappy with his life (not unhappy with me), he felt worthless, didn't think he belonged in the world etc etc. So for the past few months I've been showing him i cared about him, supported him, tried to make him happy, give him space etc etc, everything you can think of.Some times we were ok, but other times he was pushing me away, throwing things back in my face when i was trying to comfort him, started causing stupid fights between us(him not me), saying it was petty that i was showing him affection. And despite all that i stuck it through. But here i am hurt, angry, that after years of being together he ended it, and the reason for him ending it was because he thinks there is no future for us, and the reason why he thinks there isn't a future for us is because he thinks i never want marriage (which is untrue) or kids (he wants both of those things).So my question is what do I do now? Just take this has he is just saying their was no future for us has pushing me away? Or just leave him be and move on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIsn't a future for us. Sorry missed out a word.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has told me he had taken medication in the past but because he didn't like how they made him feel, he stopped taking them and never have taken them since, so while we have been together he hasn't been on any. Nor has he gotten any help, a few years ago he did see a psychologist, but he felt that the person wasn't really paying attention to him, nor looking out for his best interest. Maybe him being happy for the past few years was just a charade.
The day after he broke up he called and said that he was sorry for breaking up with me but that he still wanted to be with me, even though he still thinks there is a future for us. I told him he couldn't have it both ways.
This s**t is confusing ugh!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): Medical conditions will always throw a wrench into the works. This is a tricky illness but my aunt is bi polar, as long as she is taking her meds no problem. You decide on this one it is totally up to you to break it off or continue in the relationship. All the best....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (8 October 2013):
 You can never win with a bi polar person. If you show them affection, it's petty. If you don't talk to them, you don't care. If you say you understand, he will say no you don't you don't have my condition. If you say you don't understand, he says you never will and that's why you two can't be together.
Everything is doom and gloom for them. There is no way out of the endless abyss.
A bi polar person constantly put you to the test. He doesn't really want a break up as this break up itself is a test to see how devoted you are.
Every time he acts up, you reward him by acting caring. So he's worried that if he doesn't, then you would just forget or ignore him. The pulling away ensures that you take care of him every time. If you want to be with him you are accepting your role of an emotional caretaker who pushes her needs aside. You have no self whatsoever because it's all him.
I suspect his change in behavior has to do with stopping medication if he's been on it. SSRI medications affect sleep, eating and ejaculations. When you have sex and he can't cum, that's incredibly frustrating for him. Many people on medication feel that they can function by themselves but with a significant other it becomes an obstacle to sharing life together. Sometimes it's hard to tell if medications, or the stopping of it exacerbate his manic disorder.
I think you should leave him alone forever. As much as bi polar people can drive me crazy, I do pity them and just feel hopeless that I can't do a thing to change anything. I knew I had to end a 3 month relationship because of that. He was lovely at times but I had to do it out of self preservation.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (7 October 2013):
 As your boyfriend suffers from bipolar his low feelings stems from this.
If I were in your shoes I would allow him his space and just let him be.
Perhaps he needs space to work himself out. While he is doing that you should move on otherwise its very unfair for you to be sitting waiting.
Goodluck!
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