A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,So I have this lovely relationship question that's bugging me. I realise my sarcasm isn't evident but now you know, I am being sarcastic. It is no way "Lovely." I hope this isn't too repetitive for you as I know there are many,many, many questions on here probably similar to mine. Anyway.So about three years ago I met this man. I'm twenty two by the way, he's about 16 years older than myself. So we got on extremely well. I would talk to him nearly every day and as soon as we saw each other, perhaps crossing paths, we would just stop and talk for ages. When we were talking he used to stop and stare at me and just continue to stare then stare some more...It didn't creep me out because he was just smiling at me and I was smiling at him- I guess it was kinda mutual. Anyway, so we continued to talk every day. We would talk about the same things all the time, if I had exciting news he was the first person I told. He constantly used to tell me how much he loved talking to me. He'd tell me what a wonderful person I was, how kind I was and always wanted to know how I was. SO keep in mind that this went on for three years straight-the staring, the sweet comments, the smiles, the long conversations.We were quite close friends during this time. Yes I developed very deep feelings for him in that time. I wasn't sure if he ever did. Sorry for the length of this question but I want to provide you with more information. These are a few things that he did that made me think that he had similar feelings to me.- Told me how beautiful my voice was when I spoke.- Told me how much he enjoyed talking to me.- Told me when he didn't see me over the weekend to keep safe because he cared.- If I didn't talk to him for at least three days and he spotted me it was like he yanked me away from where I was going and talked to me for eternity.- Told me that he felt privileged having known me.- The staring thing.- Sometimes he would stutter when he saw me.- He stared at me not only while we were having a conversation but even while I was just walking past.Etc. etc.So basically I want to know IF he ever had the same feelings that I did. Also one of my closest friends that travels with me most places said that when I was in like a meeting with 'him' in the same room all he did was stare at me like I was angelic. That was my friends description of his expression, not mine. Anyway so after these joyous three years. I had to leave my workplace. This also meant leaving this man behind because I was moving further away. But I told him that I would keep in touch, email, visit etc. BUT on the last day I went to say my final goodbye he basically brushed me off, cold shoulder, and told me that he would forget me in a few months. - not his exact words, but that's what he hinted to. Basically he was a jerk. Anyway I thought he was just having an off day or something. A month later I sent an email to see how he was going, no reply. Just like that our days of conversation ended and I never heard from him. Anywho- went to visit again, cold shoulder, basically didn't even make eye contact with me the entire time.SO I let months past. Thought that even though I thought he was the most incredible man in the world, I'd have to forget. Or at least wait until he might...go back to his old self. No such luck. I'm unhappy to say that it was six months maybe since i'd last seen him...went to visit a few days ago. As soon as I walked in it was like he was brushing me off with his gaze. Then a conversation started...I'd say every 60 second interval he was hinting for me to leave.So that's my story. My question is- for the love of god can anyone tell me why he has changed from the incredible man I once spent hours with, to someone who treats me like I'm suddenly beneath them? Was this all in my head?- I can explain more of our relationship in depth if you want more info, just didn't want the question to be too long.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey- ( SFC)thanks for your reply.I think he's in a relationship or he was. I know a young woman used to come into work to visit him every now and then. But it stopped after a while. I never asked.Yeah I got slightly frustrated because I just wanted an explanation. It just makes me sad now though because I just miss spending time with him and talking to him all the time. It's such a strange feeling to not go to work and see his smiling face. There's an Easter party coming up for my old work that I got invited to... I don't know if I should go. I was going to go and approach him but not abrubptly. It's hard to decide what I want to do because now I honestly don't know how he's going to act. He's become so different. It's nice to know that relationships with age gaps work. It gives me some hope. Not much, considering the whole being thrown out of his life and everything but you know. ..Thanks again for your reply. If you have any more advice- my ears are open!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Is he married? or living with someone?
perhaps he wants no "paper trail" of his relationship with you?
I personally discount the whole AGE issue. my BF is 14 years younger than I am and we never stop talking or having stuff in common... age after a certain point is just a number after all.
It's very hurtful that he gave you no explanation. If he is single never married, his behavior to me at least explains some of that as he does not have the social skills to cope with relationship turmoil.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey therethanks for your replies. I understand that this could be my lesson for me to take on through life etc. But I don't think I explained properly that...we were actually considered as people would say " best friends" I considered him my best friend as well. It was more than just a relationship to be thrown away. we were close. It was like we had this silent thing between us- like we knew how much we meant to eachother. I can never explain any question I want to ask, properly, because really I know that one day I will understand why he acted the way he did, or i'll find out. I just hate it when someone that you think the world of changes in what feels like seconds. I know it's not always easy for you to get a perspective of this because you weren't there-that's what I hate. Sometimes I wish i could just compose this video of memories and then maybe it would be easier to understand. It doesn't matter anyway. I'm thankful for your answers! I'm going to try to move on from this, but I will miss him immensely. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): I think he had a crush on you while you were around. The minute you chose to move away (job wise) he realised he had got in too deep and decided to go the other way - to keep you away from him. I don't think its any more complicated than that. I agree with the other post but also to try and consider the things that you found good about this man - the qualities and characteristics and then use this as experience in discovering a guy that is more available and fun to be around. I hope this helps. Some people come into our life for a lesson - maybe this was one of yours.
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A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (28 March 2011):
Chalk it up to three years of knowing someone and having pleasant talks! This man is much older than you, he could in reality be your father. Since he will not give any reason for his sudden change of moods, I see there is nothing you can do but to move on in your life. It sounds like he has some dark secrets and, I ask, do you really want to find out this info.
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A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (28 March 2011):
i stopped reading at the part where you said your 22 and he is 16years older then you..... thats the problem. find someone younger like more around your age who actually has some life in them and isnt going to act like oh damn my "wife" is back.. catch my drift?
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