A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know this is a sily question, especially for a woman over 30, but I have been seeing a man for two weeks now, we get on really well and have been out four times. On Friday, which is the last time we went out as he has been away for work since Sunday, I stayed over his house and gave him a BJ (and swallowed..the shame of writing this..), I'm normally a slow burner sexually, but we'd have some drinks and got to know each other really well (speaking twice a day on the phone and texting constantly). He texted Monday to say hi and I texted back saying I missed him. Then, since Monday..nothing..I haven't heard a thing and it's Thursday now. I'm really not used to the dating game, do you think I went too far to soon sexually and now he's gone off me? I can be quite clingy and don't want to be this time! Any advice appreciated, thank you x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Because this is what men are like!He is just making you stew,I know its pathetic but unfortunately they love playing these little games,why?because they love it that they are in control of the situation,please hun do not contact him,he is probably expecting you to text him or ring him,don't,if you play him at his own game he will think 'oh why hasn't she got in contact with me' and then he will be running back to you with his tail between his legs!Men are weird like this,you haven't don eanything wrong at all,you just had a good time ;-) x
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (3 July 2008):
 You have done nothing wrong. I have found that some men will call all the time and then stop and start again or some men will not ring for weeks. It doesn't seem to matter what you have done with them sexually or in any other way it is just how they are. Most women in your poition what have done what you did and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Do not bother torturing yourself with the old favourites like he's lost his phone, battery flat, ill in hospital etc etc. He will be in touch soon as he no doubt enjoyed what you were doing and will want to do it again. Just wait, its just the way men are but DO NOT text him or ring him as this will look too keen and if you are a clingy type is too much. I know it is hard and you want to contact him but just wait. I am positive he will be in touch soon. One man I was with kept me waiting for 6 weeks before he called again and I had all but forgotten him!
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A
female
reader, andyb  +, writes (3 July 2008):
maybe he just needs some space or maybe he's just busy.
i never read men are from mars women are from venus but i did listen to it on CD and the one thing i learned from it was that men need to go into their 'caves' i.e. timeout for them and we have to allow them to do that without making a fuss.
also it says that men are like elastic bands, they need to pull away from you in order that they can come back to you.
don't be fretting about having sexual contact so soon, i would of thought 2wks was quite respectable!. Its hard to keep your clothes on when you have just met somebody and are getting to know them.
you did nothing wrong, just sit tight and when he rings don't let on that you were waiting around for his call/text.
dont give away your power.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Hi
I dont think the love game has any rules. we are the ones who makes things difficult because we want to be perfect and feel good about ourselves infront of our pontetiallovers so that they dont have bad impression about us.
You did what you did because you felt it was right at the time, eventhough now you regret it but is it worth it to beat yourself up this way? were the conditions attached to the dates? I just want you to be clear that sometimes some things that means something to you might not necessarly mean anything to the other person visaversa.
Maybe he doesnt want this to go any further than it already has, maybe he is very busy at work and unable to find time as you are saying it is a business trip. Maybe he didnt expect you to go down on him so soon but at the same time if he didnt why didnt he stop you?
you see we can just speculate a lot of things but he is the one holding the truth, wait for him to come back and lets hear his reasons, you might be worrying yourself for nothing at all. Calm yourself down and see what will happen when he comes back. In the mean time do other things that makes you happy like go out with friends and enjoy yourself because if you keep doing this to yourself you will not stop your clingy behaviour. keep your mind focussed to other things change your hobbies if you have to.
Jovial
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Yeah its a little suspicious that he hasn't called or texted back. With that he is trying to tell you "slow down." It has nothing to do with the BJ. However, the text is a different story. I mean he texted to say hi, and you should have texted back hi as well, and not I miss you. That did sound a little needy. Its too soon to say that.
You can totally redeem yourself here though, that's the good news. So you said, I miss you, and didn't hear back from him, probably cause he might have interpreted it as you being needy. So all you have to do is NOT call him and when he does call, act totally cool, DON'T question him about anything regarding the text or him not calling, and just be real friendly and happy to hear from him, as if not having heard from him in a week was not at all a big deal. You were so busy you didn't even notice. That will make him think that when you said, I miss you, you were just kind of teasing him and not because you were needy or expecting too much too soon.
Apart from that, you need to slow down. Play it cool.
And about the BJ...my personal opinion is I don't do that unless he is my bf. I do, however, let them go down on me even if we are not bf/gf. But me on them? No. I always let them do all the work at first to win me over. Cause if I gave someone I was dating a BJ and then he dumped me, that would kill my ego. But when I let them go down on me, and then it doesn't work out between us, it doesn't affect me as much.
But you should let them do most of the work, especially at the beginning. Let him pay for dinner. Let him go down on YOU. etc, etc. Its nice that you want to please him and all, but you should focus more on letting HIM please YOU, especially at the beginning. Let him prove himself to you, and not the other way around.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 I dont think there is a speed limit on relationships. Some are too fast for some peoples tastes some are too slow for some peoples taste, but that is all subject to opinion and everyone is different.
As for him not texting you or not calling you, he may have good reasons why like he has been busy or his phone might be on the fritz. Just give him a call and ask if he wants to go out again. I think if you hear his voice and meet him again could you ever gage his interest.
I would say if you have been clingy in the past that this is just your old habits popping back up and your becoming paranoid. I would say try to relax and let things flow the way they do. I would dare say a bj generally doesn't put a man off a woman.
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