A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I have been dating a wonderful girl for just over a year now. we don't live together but see each other most weekends. she is always excited to see me and tells me she misses me when I am not there. we have a healthy emailing relationship and there is no issue of needing space etc. there is no question as far as I am aware of her love for me waning.and that is where the confusion is for me. she has just joined this week a website which is mostly about chat and dating and meeting up. already she is getting hit on from men on this site. she has listed her location as a different place and not said she is in a relationship. when i started dating her i cancelled my memberships to the 2 dating sites that i belonged to. i have never stopped her chatting to men (and never would) but why would she want to start chatting to men on this kind of site which will inevitably build emotional bridges between her and them?am i being overly concerned? i wouldn't dream of joining a dating site because i would feel like i was cheating on her. this has really upset me. by the way i know about her membership of this site because we have a shared laptop.any advice would be much appreciated
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Paranoia?....Uhm. She is very keen on seeing you when she needs money, not so keen when money is fine. That would be a big red flag to me, very red- poppy-red , if this is a recurring trend. And,btw, pardon me but how come you give her money for bills ? You are not married, not even living together.Maybe it's me, I am old fashioned about these things. The way I know it, is that you don't give cash to a girlfriend. Gifts are fine :, flowers, sweets, perfume, jewels, etc. But you don't ever offer cash- and she is not supposed to take it, unless it's a real one-of-a-kind emergency. It may be a silly,old fashioned " rule "... but if you had applied it ,now you would not be wondering whether you are her true love or a convenient meal ticket. I'd take it slow and careful before fixing that wedding date.
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Well maybe you do have yet another thing to worry about.A year and than marriage, I guess that's ok.But usually it takes longer. IMOWho knows maybe you have cold feet, or maybe because you are looking at marriage you have your eyes wide open.Maybe you should put of the marriage for another year or two.I think 1 year to fall inlove, 1 year to get really aquainted, and 1 more year to get through some hard times.If a relationship never gets tested through some hard times you never see the true grit. Not to go looking for hard times, but just you know.. go easy..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello and thanks for the answers. Sorry for the delayed reply. It has been very busy at work! I will need to monitor this I guess. I haven't mentioned it yet but she hasn't actually visited the site again since joining up so I am still not certain of her motives. We recently got engaged and she said yes without any hesitation. I am trusting in very good faith that a girl wouldn't eagerly say yes to getting engaged just to keep me warm whilst she keeps her options open to some one else to sweep her off her feet?
I am a born optimist and I am really trying to see this as a mole hill rather than a mountain. I provide her with financial security and I am hoping that i don't simply represent a money source for her. She is always keen to see me when a bill needs paying or food shopping needs doing. She texts me less when money is fine. or is that my paranoia kicking in!!!! I know how important security is to a woman and i do get great satisfaction providing it to her. but i want her to love me for me not just for the security i bring. this dating site thing has made me question that a bit. or maybe my days of being an optimist are becoming a little jaded!
but i love her to bits and i hope i have mis-interpreted this little episode and it is just something and nothing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello and thanks for the answers. Sorry for the delayed reply. It has been very busy at work! I will need to monitor this I guess. I haven't mentioned it yet but she hasn't actually visited the site again since joining up so I am still not certain of her motives. We recently got engaged and she said yes without any hesitation. I am trusting in very good faith that a girl wouldn't eagerly say yes to getting engaged just to keep me warm whilst she keeps her options open to some one else to sweep her off her feet?I am a born optimist and I am really trying to see this as a mole hill rather than a mountain. I provide her with financial security and I am hoping that i don't simply represent a money source for her. She is always keen to see me when a bill needs paying or food shopping needs doing. She texts me less when money is fine. or is that my paranoia kicking in!!!! I know how important security is to a woman and i do get great satisfaction providing it to her. but i want her to love me for me not just for the security i bring. this dating site thing has made me question that a bit. or maybe my days of being an optimist are becoming a little jaded!but i love her to bits and i hope i have mis-interpreted this little episode and it is just something and nothing.
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A
female
reader, cupidus +, writes (6 April 2011):
You could join online and ask her out.But nah, that would be playing her game of chance.Maybe she has cold feet, maybe she's looking for answers from other men about love. Maybe she wants another man.Who knows, but it seems your dignity and trust are at stake.And that's big time important. You could confront her with open ended questions.You are both playing Russian Roulette here.Maybe someone has to put the breaks on the wheel of fortune to see where the ball lands. Good luck with this one, it's kinda spooky.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Well it is definitely wrong for her to have joined such a site when she is in a relationship - but we cannot tell you the reason why on this website, you are going to have to talk to her about it I'm afraid.
Just tell her that it came up when you were using the laptop and you want to know why she feels the need to use dating sites when you thought you were happy together. Explain that you would never dream of doing such a thing because you would feel like you were being unfaithful, so you just want to know what her reasons are for joining this site.
You have every right to ask her, and she cannot accuse you of snooping, or being overly jealous - you have simply spotted something on a shared computer and want to know her reasons for joining the site as you feel it is inappropriate behaviour when you are supposed to be in a comitted relationship.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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