A
female
age
30-35,
*lleChouette
writes:Hello, fellow DearCupid users!Okay, my situation is a little complicated...I met this guy online, and crazy as it sounds we really hit it off straight out the gate - our first conversation over IM went on for 7 straight hours - so we arranged to meet up. Long story short, he was above and beyond my expectations, and I was really looking forward to seeing him more often (mind you, this was after only a grand total of 30 hours chatting online and 1 face-to-face date).The drama here started that very evening, when he came home to find a present from his ex. Now, I'm not the type of person to care about my partner's history, but he told me that it (the present) reminded him how he had resolved never to commit himself again. He went on to say that meeting me in person made him forget that, and that now he's afraid of hurting me; that I deserve better than just a guy wanting a fling. Impulsively, I agreed to become his Friend With Benefits, and I promised that if he ever found anyone else I would let him go peacefully. That said, I also explained to him I was open to a real relationship with him if and when he chose to.Now, for my question: am I being too optimistic that a real relationship will come of this? So far we haven't gone further than kissing and sexting, but he has said that since he met me he can't 'get off' unless it's to me or fantasies of me. I know there's a fine line between 'sex object' and 'partner', but at the same time I could seriously be falling for this guy. So, ladies and gentlemen, what do you think? To cut my losses and pull out, or stick to him like a limpet?
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friend with benefits, his ex, kissing, limp, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MlleChouette +, writes (10 April 2011):
MlleChouette is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the feedback, people...well, I would say this 'problem' has been resolved - sitting down in a neutral setting to talk over coffee really helped. We agreed to remain firmly friends for now, no hanky panky on the side, until he really makes up his mind. So again, thanks very much! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): On a more optimistic side, since you're fine with an open relationship then I don't see why you shouldn't carry this rather bizarre relationship with this guy. I think the most important thing is not getting emotionally hurt in future or do anything against your will. Should things end between you guys, it should end amicably and not in tears :) All the best :)
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A
female
reader, MlleChouette +, writes (6 April 2011):
MlleChouette is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLooking at some of the questions here, I think I need to provide more details:1) There's a 5-year gap between us; he's been in the one serious relationship before (that ended so badly he's scarred) whereas this is my first ever.2) He is extremely attentive, the way a boyfriend would be; texts me 'good morning' every day, always asks me first how my day has been, and constantly reminds me that thought we are FWB I should not feel pressured into having penetrative sex with him, as he knows I am a virgin.That said, the question still applies: Am I reading too much into his behaviour, or should I just give up and move on?
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A
male
reader, yesno  +, writes (6 April 2011):
As a man who has literally done the same thing...He's using you. No relationship is possible. Let him go now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Is he over his ex ?i am going through real pain at the mo as my fella i met online has left me in limbo after 7 months as he got a text from his ex and has now asked for time alone as he is confused and doesnt know if he can handle a relationship, so if i were you find out if he is over her i would hate this to happpen to you if you fall in deep like i have.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (6 April 2011):
You seem to have fallen for him already. And you are doing crazy things like agreeing to a FWB in order to keep contact with him. At the point where I wonder if you will be able to keep your promise and let him go peacefully if he finds someone else.The real question here is: are you fooling yourself? I think you are doing anything to staying with him and I don't reckon you will let him go later. Of course he can fall for you and everything is going to be all-right but what if he doesn't?
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