A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm wondering why the sex in our relationship has fizzled. I've been with my bf for a bit over 1.5 years now, a lot of it living together. And in the beginning we'd have sex quite a bit, at least once a day, a lot of times more. And back then both of us would initiate it. Now, I get it possibly a couple of times of week, if that. And it almost always is me initiating it. And he's told me himself that his sex drive is much lower, he doesn't really want sex, and just wants to cuddle. So we're still very affectionate and lovey dovey and close, but the sex is just about non-existent. I've told him that I don't want to always initiate it and we've talked about this issue (he told me he was worried that he didn't want sex much), but I'm not sure what to do about it. I dressed up sexy for him last week, and that seemed to help, but I don't want it to always be up to me to make it kinkier and more of a fantasy to turn him on and have sex more. So I've started to initiate it less, because having sex has started to bother me when I know he doesn't really want it, and isn't that into it. I had the thought that maybe it's because I'm the first real girlfriend that he's consistently had sex with. The first 2 were virgins that he slept with once then they broke up. And the 3rd was not very into sex and didn't last long. So most of his previous sexual experience was very casual, with women and couples he met online. I'm wondering if it's because of that that now that we've been together so long and are loving, he doesn't know how to equate that with sex. (Our sex isn't very intimate, it's mostly rough and lusty. Tried the softer side, but hasn't worked too well.) So instead of sex he just wants closeness and cuddling? I have no real idea what's going on, and even less about what to do about it. Suggestions?
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male
reader, whiteelephant  +, writes (16 October 2010):
a guy should only ejaculate 2-3 times a week. any more than that over a long period of time is bad for him and sexually exhausts his body
and dont have sex before sleep at night. have it at different times of day at different places
he needs to start working out more, eating more meats/milk/dairy, less soy/processed foods. don't have sex until he initiates it, his libido will come back as his body heals
if it keeps persisting after 2/3 months then see a doctor
A
male
reader, mulattoman +, writes (15 October 2010):
 In order of importance:
#1. Talk to him. Don't nag. Don't complain. Get into his head so you can understand him. Find out his fantasies and fulfill them.
#2. Try to do something sexy. Lingerei, a strip tease. Whip cream, chocolate. Do something NEW that will get his attention.
#3. If he refuses to talk or improve things he might be cheating. Tell him this is how you feel and his unwillingness to work things out shows his lack of interest. Dump him and find some one who puts forth the effort.
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