A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I met a really lovely 28 year old man online on a dating website in December 2011. Will get on brilliantly, speak daily, his family and friends know about me and we have a holiday planned, were not intimate yet but he told me he thinks of me as his girlfriend ( we currently only see one another alternative weekends as he lives a distance from me). Every thing is going well but his dating profile is still active. Several times we have meet he has mentioned women emailing him but he doesn't find them attractive!! He also mentioned recently reading our messages by which you have to have paid membership to do so. My own profile is still up just because I can't seem to delete it but I'm no longer subscribed. Do you think I should talk to him about this? Is it too early in tbe relationship to bring this up? I really like him and I feel he feels tbe same but what reasons would he have to keep his profile unless its to keep his options open? Thank you xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): Its a funny situation because you are just as bad as he is.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 March 2012):
 There is a chance if you are using certain sites that he has paid (for example) for 6 months up front, and he has not yet finished those 6 months so he still has the paid subscription.
But you have your profile up too, you just dont talk about it from the sounds of things, so you are both as bad as each other! Deleting a profile is incredibly easy, regardless of what dating site you have used you just go to your account settings and follow the links from there. If worst comes to worst, ring them up.
Maybe bring it up lightheartedly that you want to close your account on whatever site it is as you are really happy with how things are going, and see how he responds, he might say he will close his too. If he doesnt say anything, maybe just casually ask why he has his account still open and when he thinks he will come off the site.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): Did you ask what will happen if he DOES find one of them attractive? Should he even be talking about other women? It doesnt sound very appropriate.
You have an account on a dating site because you want to meet a man or woman, right? So if he has met a woman, told her he regards her as his girlfriend. They see each other every other weekend and there are plans for him to go away with her. Then there is no GOOD reason for him to keep using a dating site! At the very least, he should show willing and suspend his account for a while until he sees how things progress with you.
If you are serious about him, have a chat and get it confirmed in concrete that you are actually boyfriend and girlfriend, because he sounds a bit vague about that! If he does want a proper relationship, find out if it is to be an exclusive relationship or not. If it is, then get your heads together and figure out how to delete or suspend your profiles. It is easy enough to do.
If he refuses to suspend his account and he is still paying for it and using it, while calling you his girlfriend. Then you have every right to feel uncomfortable about his actions and he might be a player. Most of them are charming, thats part of their appeal but that does not make them good people.
I would think very hard about going away and possibly becoming intimate, until you know exactly where you stand with him or he has stopped looking elsewhere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): As you've met everyone close to him, booked a holiday, it doesn't sound like he's looking,he sounds into you.
Maybe once his paid membership runs out he will close the account, the only time you should be concerned,I think,is if he renews his membership.
I would mention it makes you feel uncomfortable.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 You should definitely talk to him, but don't automatically assume the worst.
My boyfriend still goes on his dating site profile from time to time. I go on mine occasionally too.
We met on that site, actually.
He just likes to use it to troll people and talk to some friends on there.
I stalk him on there, lol.
Actually, his trolling is kinda funny, even though he does need to grow up a bit.
But obviously neither of us have ulterior motives.
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