A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why don't low self esteem women choose to be loyal to emotionally strong, masculine men, who are good to them? (a generalization)
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female
reader, hopeFUL_romantic_13  +, writes (7 August 2011):
This is coming from a girl who can be confident and spontaneous, but at times can put herself done because of her past. Women with low self-esteem have issues with involving themselves with emotionally strong men for various reasons. They feel are not good enough or equal. They're afraid of being cheated on. They're can't help but think it simply won't be a long-term relationship because many average men prefer the self-confident, outgoing women. I've heard many stories where a married man has an affair but doesn't want to leave his "suicidal" wife because he feels sorry for her. Something like that can definitely put of a woman with low self-esteem. Personally, I couldn't care less what people think of me and enjoy being different. When it comes to love though, I feel as if I don't deserve a good man because I'll only cause hm grief and he'll get sick of me. Women with low self-esteem who stay with abusive men feel that that is what they deserve. I'm not saying I would ever be with a guy like that. I refuse to date anyone until I have come to wholly respect myself.
A
female
reader, texas_gal +, writes (7 August 2011):
People with low self-esteem think they don't deserve good things in their lives and expect bad things to happen to them. So they self-sabotage. Also, they may be used to patterns of behavior which they learned in childhood and which fostered the low self-esteem in the first place, and they have no conception of alternative, healthy behaviors.
As far as abused women staying with their abusers, it is not out of loyalty. It is for many other reasons, like fear, dependence, confusion, isolation, low-self-esteem, and many more. Abused women stay in abusive relationships longer than they should because they are consumed with just surviving at the cost of developing exit strategies. What looks like loyalty is really attempts to reduce cognitive dissonance, that is, the subconscious realization that one has conflicting emotions or thoughts. For example, someone with a terrible job but stuck in it, may say "I'm getting great experience."
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (7 August 2011):
 I think anyone with low self esteem generally tends to think that bad things are going to happen to them so they are more likely to let bad things happen to them such as messing up a really good relationship. Or some may think that there is no reason that their partner would want to stay with them which is not the case yet because of this it will cause them to be inclined to do something harmful to the relationship. If you always expect bad things then bad things will happen to you and you will agree with it because it is what you expected.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): That question makes no sense?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): Why do "emotionally strong and masculine men" go for women with low self esteem? I believe that if you are in fact an emotionally strong person, you tend to seek out the same sort of partner. And I believe if you're insecure, you tend to seek out a partner who is just as weak and vulnerable. A lot of men only feel "masculine" when they are in the presence of the "weaker" sex. They need a weak person to make them feel strong and masculine. A lot of men seek out weaker, damaged women only because it makes them feel stronger.Why don't low self esteem women choose to be loyal to you? The simple answer is that they don't think they are deserving of your affection. The more important question is why you seek them out and want them in the first place.
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