A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it wrong to leave someone who is so passive aggressive that no matter what you do they will not communicate at an adult level?Is there any real help for people like this?Is it possible for them to become emotionality mature and have loving and meaningful relationships?When is it time to leave? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (7 August 2011):
 Communication is the basis of a healthy relationship. If you cannot communicate with the person, the relationship is doomed to fail.
It is not your job to teach him how to communicate. This is a deep-seated psychological defense that he has developed over a lifetime. You are not gonna change it. Even if he wants to change, it will take tremendous effort on his part--and it sounds like he does not want to change, but only blame you.
Don't try to be a savior. And don't expose yourself to frustration. Just leave now and move on to a mature person you can speak openly with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): No it is not wrong to leave someone like that.
There is help out there for that type of person if they want it but many don't feel they need it. They think they are fine...everyone else has the problem!
I'm not sure they can ever really change just with time. It is their personality you are talking about. The thing that makes them who they are, expecting that to alter is a tall order, especially if they don't even feel there is anything wrong with them in the first place. Chances are they will always remain the same.
I think you know when enough is enough. You owe it to yourself to be happy and if you can't be happy with this person, you need to tell him so and part company. I'm sure there are some good things about him. But if it has reached the point that the bad far out weights the good, then it will be hard work to ever be really happy with him. And i mean work! That's not how it should be.
And don't give yourself fist bites, thinking that the moment you leave he will suddenly grow up and change into this wonderful person and some other woman will reap the benefits. Because it very rarely works that way. He is who he is. His personality is pretty much set in stone now. Give it a year and if he is lucky enough to be in another relationship there is a very good chance he will be making the next woman just as miserable as you feel now.
So if he has been manipulating you and you are very unhappy about it. Go ahead and leave him if you've a mind to. The sky won't fall in and you will be a lot happier.
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