A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My question is why don't I get any pleasure from dildos? I'm a virgin, but I'd like to break my hymen beforehand and be more comfortable with penetration on my own before I decide to have sex. The thing is, I think I already have broken my hymen because I can get dildos in (with difficulty, but with no pain), but whenever I try to do anything with it, it feels very uncomfortable. I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to do. Aren't dildos supposed to provide pleasure and not discomfort? I'm not even saying that I can't orgasm vaginally, it's more that I can't get ANY pleasure at all vaginally. Any help on what to do? Could it be that I haven't broken my hymen yet? Or could it be something else? Is this normal? Thanks for the help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): It depends on where it is uncomfortable and what type of dildo you are using.
Some dildo materials cause more friction and are actually painful if you are too tight for it.
My advice is to go for a VIBRATOR rather than a dildo - they are much more pleasurable. And vibrate the clit first, then move to the insides so you are wet enough. Try a thinner dildo made of plastic instead of latex or rubber, and maybe put a lubricated condom over it when you use it for even greater slickness.
So as for where it is uncomfortable - if it hurts the sides of your vagina then the dildo is too thick. If it hurts up the back where the tip is pushing then it is either too long and is hitting your cervix uncomfortably, or yes you HAVEN'T broken your hymen! Sometimes it takes a great big push to break it, you have to literally force your way through. And then you cry.
Personally though I would NOT reccommend breaking your own hymen. I have always regretted breaking it myself, I wish I'd shared it with somebody I loved (and no that doesn't mean I believe in waiting for marriage or anything!). You can still go a certain way up without breaking it, as you can see. Or if you need to feel something inside you try Ben Wa balls while you vibe the clit or something like that. Clit stuff is WAY better anyway.
A
male
reader, Harry Castle  +, writes (10 May 2009):
 I ask the indulgence of regular readers here, because I've already posted a similar answer, but can't remember the reference to direct you to.
As the wise and wonderful satindesire has already pointed out, you are barking up the wrong tree trying to achieve orgasm vaginally, especially as you are relatively new to sex.
It's your clitoris that you should be concentrating on, and in case you need guidance in finding it, I have a task for you; just a simple one...
Tonight, when you are alone and not likely to be disturbed, I want you to examine your pussy.
Closely.
Prop yourself up in bed, and part your legs but closes your heels together.
In other words, like frogs legs.
This opens up your pussy nicely, and your heels give you something to prop a mirror on - although you may need a cushion as well.
Get it so that you can get a clear view of your wide-open pussy, and start to expose your clit.
Take a good look at things so that you can see every detail: how the hood covers it, what you need to expose it, how your lips fold and wrinkle - all that sort of thing.
I bet you haven't had a really good look before?
When you have inspected fully, just try playing with your bits and finding out how to give yourself most pleasure.
Pay particular attention to your clitoris: the tip is especially sensitive, but it often matters which side you rub, too.
Now, open really wide and go in search of your g-spot.
[An area of controversy here. ALMOST all women achieve intense orgasms via g-spot stimulation, because it is linked to your clitoris internally, but there are some for whom it does very little. Hope that won't be you.]
Feel along the front wall of your vagina, inside you, for a roughened area of skin about 1-2 inches in.
Everywhere else will be smooth, and if you are at all aroused it should be a little plump, too.
The plumpness is due to the fact that is a spongy tissue similar to a penis, except that is does not engorge with blood but fills with a fluid upon arousal.
Stimulation of the area really fills the sponge with fluid and can result in ejaculation during orgasm, much to your delight!
It is NOT urine, although it does share the same exit duct. It is colourless, not yellow and has been shown not to contain any urine; so don’t worry, you won’t pee yourself!
This next step maybe a little difficult for you to implement yourself, but easier for your boy friend when he is with you. It should still be possible for you to do it and it's worth the effort!
Get him to put a finger or two on your g-spot and apply pressure. Then he can put his thumb on your clit and clamp them together, like pincers.
Retaining this grip, have him pump back and forth with his hand so as to give both clit and g-spot maximum stimulation, and keep going until you reach your goal.....
Harry.
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A
female
reader, Mikados are lush! +, writes (10 May 2009):
 You might not of broken it yet. But not everyone is into sex toys! They do nothing for me personally.
I wouldn't worry about breaking your hymen, just chill and one day you will naturally get involved with someone and it'll be all good.
xxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): Well I doubt the prospect of sticking a piece of plastic in your vagina is naturally a turn-on to you, so you probably aren't lubricated enough down there. Even a real penis isn't going to give you pleasure if he sticks it in dry. Try stimulating your clitoris manually first, and then move on to the dildos. Good luck!
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