A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok so there i was sittin in the library revising. opposite me was a girl who was also doing some work. i asked her "i kno ur busy but would u like to grab a bite quickly?" she said no but is goin for a smoke later and i could come with if i do smoke. so i nodded. but when she asked me to smoke with her she said "if i want" and that put me in a really awkward situation. i didnt wana seem needy or anything but i did want to talk to her. so i said yes but with a type of caution. why do u girls make things so complicated! so we did and got to know each other etc.what if i see her tomorrow? should i ask her to join for a smoke ? or should she ask me this time? im really not good at mind games and how things work! plz give me some pointers ppl. how do i kno if things are goin good! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Confuzzled012  +, writes (10 May 2009):
 Yes Harry man i see your point. It came across to me as she was busy, as the young man stated, because they were at the library. And since she was busy, she didn't see fit to go out to eat with him but since she has to take a smoke break every now and then, she asked him to join her instead. Therefor no denying his company in order to finisih her studies, and not accepting his company risking not finishing her studies in time. She offered a middle ground i which she could do what she needed to do and he would somewhat get what he wanted. Myabe I'm under thinking it. Maybe you're overthinking it. But either way, i don't want to understand men. (irrelevant i'm aware)
A
male
reader, Harry Castle +, writes (10 May 2009):
 I agree that writing correct English is important because you are judged on that immediately, and your true meaning can be concealed by slack presentation.
I say that because I want to be sure that she said exactly..."when she asked me to smoke with her she said 'if i want'"....to you.
If this is so, the 'if you want" is indicative of her insecurity in not being sure if you actually liked her enough to want to, and also maybe not to seem to eager.
A way of throwing it back to you and seeing if YOU were keen.
Armywife, you are brilliantly helpful as usual, but I do take issue with you on this - because of what I've just said was likely to be happening, she is playing a sort-of game.
Not a mind game, exactly, but a trailing-her-coat sort of game. "I want you but you must chase me" sort of game that so many (not all, I agree) play when flirting with men.
So, to the questioner, I believe it WAS mild flirting and she is interested, but complicated or not, you will NEVER understand women!
To be fair to armywife, women will never understand us, either - thank god!
Harry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): What I find somewhat scary is that you are, presumably, at university or some other form of higher education in the UK and yet you do not seem to be able to write English. If a young person working for me here, in China, wrote English like that they would not last long. What hope does Britain have?
I'm sorry it is not my intention to be unkind and I'm sure that you do know how to write properly but it is a competitive world and people make quick judgements based on what they see.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 May 2009):
 She wasn't hungry, but she was in need of a nicotine shot. What is complicated about it?
"Do you want to go out with me tomorrow".
"No, I am busy, but I am free the rest of the week".
That ain't complicated, she says yes but just not to the specific request. this ain't the movies kid. Things don't magically line up, you got to adjust to what the other one has planned.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): Sorry for the dander. I've done a lot of sticking up for guys today and women saying that they are all a certain way. I wanted to stick up for women now. For all people really. It's not a matter of man or woman now is it. We are all different.
But yes, ask her somethign at least whether its what i said or what fatherly said. The fact that she didn't turn you down but instead invited you to join her is a good sign that there is some interest. So don't be nervous or, as he said, overthink it.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 May 2009):
 When we are young and unsure we often tend to over think things. I think that O P has just brilliantly demonstrated one of my favorite prejudices. I often claim that guys don't play mind games, because we don't have enough to play with. Army wife just got my dander up a bit. Good solid advice tho. When you see her next make her a better offer, With specifics. Like would you like to go to pizza at (insert your fave pizza place here), on (put in two possible dates here), With me and some friends (to take some of the pressure off and give her the opportunity to meet more people). You see what I mean make it easy for her. And by all means thank her for spending time with you. Respect and courtesy will get you through a lot of games even if you don't know the rules.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): Ok.. lol. that wasn't a mind game.
What's the difference in your saying "do you want to grab a bite" and her saying
"you can smoke with me if you want"
Well.. i supposed she could've said "No, but you will smoke with me." or you could've said "i know you're busy, but you will grab a bite with me."
That wasn't a mind game, it was a counter offer. Be happy she didn't just say "no. go away."
or agree and then blow you off.
So how do you like this:
Why do all guys think with their dick?
Why do you all guys watch porn?
Why don't guys ever listen?
Why can't guys just be faithful? Why do they always cheat???
Why do guys always expect us to read their minds?
We are not robots. We are all different. We do not like to be classified as all being difficult, complicated, etc.
I'd say, don't ask her tomorrow. Ask her the day after tomorrow. Somethign like:
Thanks for the smoke the other day. Do you wannt try food this time?
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