A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey Yall thanks for answering; i'll try and only give you the important info so i posted an online personal ad, and the first thing i said was that i want a monogamous relationship.this guy responds, i totally don't think i am going to like him, but i still go out on a date with him. so 1st date, i knew he was really interested, but it was weird for me because i did meet him online; so it took me a few days after our date to realize how amazing he was. but i did and i had to be gone for a 3 an half weeks, so we just kept talking during that time, and i started to like him more and more. Immediately when i get home he asks me for a second date. our second date was the best date of my life, and it was soo cute because he txted me the next day saying that it was the "btw that was the best date ever :)".but anyways, even though we both agreed that we wanted to do things right (actually his suggestion), and not have sex that night we do. he stayed the night to cuddle and in the morning we ended up having sex. and i after i say out loud "ugh.. we decided not to have sex...i guess it will be ok" he corrects me and says "we will be ok". and the night before he brought up taking a vacation together like 9 months in the future, and the whole date was so intense and so comfortable/exhilarating.basically our date lasted 19 hours and before hour one was up, i had the feeling like this guy is "the one"so we go on more dates, and things just continue to feel like " he is the one"and then all of the sudden out of left field he breaks up with me saying " my life is in turmoil and I am spread too thin, I don't have time to develop a relationship. Also I have decided to move to (city that is 3 hours away) to find a job" (cause he was planning to get hired at the hospital he was interning at, but they don't have the money - he is an RN)so i try to talk to him and he kinda avoids it, and eventually i send him an email back, and his reply to me was that he was embarrassed....but he is also a DJ and i went to his club that night, and well 5 minutes after i got there he kissed me and we went home togetherAND we freaking interlock finger and hold hand the entire time we have sexbut then it got all weird again... i stopped by his club again and he told me i was "the most understanding girl I've ever met in my life" and kisses me, but then he stands me up later that nightbut i want to see him before he leaves…so I text him something really chill, and he instead of having me swing by the club to say bye, he wants to hang out again, after he takes his board exam this coming weekanyways to the question: considering i have been sobbing uncontrollably every day for three weeks since we broke up and I can’t seem to get over this feeling like he is my soulmate ( by the way -been purposed to 3 times in my life and said no to men I love because I just knew I wasn’t supposed to be with them forever) and when we are together it is magic, like I could have spent my whole life dreaming and never have come close to this man….Anyways is it possible after he moves and finds a job and he maybe doesn’t feel like life is cutting him down anymore, that we could get back together ???? or is it like too hard because he is gone in another city?? ( a city I totally won’t mind moving too, my best friend already lives there) our relationship was only in phase one, getting started, and I know its crazy to want things to work, but it feels more crazy to let him go. I just don’t know if things are totally F-ed at this point…….
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Kimberly333  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Hi,
I understand how you feel because I met my boyfriend on the internet and it was a true whirlwind romance. Thankfully we are still together 8 months later, but we were both ready for a relationship.
It seems as though you are fighting for someone that isn't willing to give you a true relationship. Perhaps you need to ask him if he actually wants a relationship with you (not just a physical one). If he does then perhaps the best way forward would be to take things a little slower and see how things progress from there. If he doesn't want a relationship then it will be up to you to decide whether you can still be friends or whether you will need to cut him out of your life completely (at least initial part).
Good luck!
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