A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it me or everyone else? I can’t take it anymore, nobody cares at all. I feel let down by my friends. I am 100% sure nobody cares. I am not being negative, I am not in some bad time in life. But every event that happens it causes me stress when I realise I’m alone. If I died I don’t think many people will care. I feel so hurt by friends, that I taken step back as they are selfish. I feel good by helping people and out of this random act I receive some communication. It makes me feel good talking to anyone. The truth that hurts the most? They don’t care. I can talk to stranger ask him his pains or how he/she is. They will explain and without a single: are you okay? I assure you I am a strong person, but I can’t stop feeling empty. Why would the stranger not ask: thanks for asking how r u? Why does nobody care. It upset me a lot. Has played on my mind. It’s like I’m thinking about it, so I test it out more and more. Nobody asks. Nobody cares. Family do but they are so good at nagging it makes me run. Plus it’s not their fault. I been trying for a while 2years but I’m struggling to live like this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (28 August 2019):
 I totally get where you are coming from. Trust me OP you are not alone in your feelings. If you are a kind sensitive thoughtful person the world can often seem like a very dark cold place. Its hard to stay strong and optimistic when all around you there are people that don't seem to care about anything but themselves. I want you to remember though that there are others out there like us. I promise you. There are people that give and give and give and ask nothing in return. Think of nurses, doctors,policemen, firemen etc...they put their lives on the line for others. They don't have to, they want to.
I understand that its hard being a friend and giving and yet when you need someone, your friends are nowhere to be found. All I can say is that it happens to many of us, and to pick and choose your friends carefully. Know who is going to be there for you when the chips are down. Often in times of crisis it is true that blood is thicker than water and your family is going to be there when no one else is. This isn't true of all families of course but for many it is.
When you start feeling low and despondent why not reach out to help someone/an agency that would love your help? I promise it will make you feel better. Volunteer at a homeless center, a soup kitchen, a nursing home, an animal shelter. You will be appreciated believe me.
Never give up...we need more people like you in the world. I wish you all the best!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2019): I totally hear what your saying . I often feel exactly the same. My few good friends only ever seem to talk about themselves and never enquire about me. My family spend all their time leaving on me for support but never asking how I am even when I have important medical appointments . It seems the more empathetic and sensitive an individual Is in this day and age the more we get used up as a support for others and ignored . The world has become selfish . I blame technology where people have become commodities and disposable but I have a strong spiritual belief that this is part of some larger lesson for us all so I just remind myself that I’m more than the hurt feelings I feel and like you , I am not alone
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 August 2019):
 Sadly I cannot disagree with your observations. People seem to have lost the ability to have proper conversations these days. If you observe a typical group "interaction", it will consist of something like:
Person A: Me, me, me.
Person B: Me, me, me.
Person C: Me, me, me . . .
I listen in on "conversations" like this frequently and smile wryly to myself. My work colleagues are nearly all like this. If one of them ever does ask me anything about MY life, it is only so THEY can jump in, without waiting for an answer, and tell me something about THEM. It's strange but often true that, unless you are loud and pushy and insist on sharing personal information with others without them asking, then people will know next to nothing about you because they will not bother to ask.
I don't know what the answer is as I feel the same frustrations as you do. I have dropped "friends" over the years who were "Me me me" people, as I have grown tired of one-way conversations. I have lost count of the number of times I have walked away from meeting with a "friend" and have cynically muttered under my breath, "I'm fine, thanks for asking" as the conversation has been purely about them.
Perhaps the answer is to stay close to only people who you feel do genuinely care about you. Over the years, this group seems to dwindle. I used to have quite a few "friends" years ago. These days I have 3 people who I would class as "real friends", who I know care and will be there for me if anything happens, and who will feel my pain with me. ( Others are acquaintances and colleagues. I have put them into the "don't really matter" box.)
When talking to strangers, I think you need to remember a few things. Firstly, they are just that: strangers. Not everyone feels comfortable asking others about themselves or making conversation. Also, you know nothing about what they are going through at the moment. They could have recently suffered bereavement, redundancy or other major upheavals. They could be suffering from physical or mental health problems. Everyone has "stuff" going on in their lives which, to them, is important.
As you seem to be a caring person, have you considered volunteering somewhere where you can direct your caring nature into helping others? This could also help you meet other like-minded people.
Hang in there. Sorry I can't offer anything better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2019): Try not to become cynical. Selfishness and detachment comes from a lack of empathy, and a poor childhood-upbringing. Many people don't feel obligated to return a favor, say thank you, or offer assistance without being asked. Some won't pee on you if you're on fire!
Why? That is because the general-attitude is to be "me-first" about everything. The "me-generation" just feels entitled, not obligated, or responsible to or for anyone. Everyone is conjoined and addicted to a phone or device; aspiring to a technological-age that advocates selfishness and greed. Overuse of digital-devices encourages impersonal and insensitive-behavior; because interpersonal/interactive-skills are replaced by "emojis."
Your friends are somewhat desensitized and socially-apathetic. Apathy and bad-manners are socially-acceptable. It's chic to care more about animals than your fellow-man or woman. Therefore, there is no "thank you" or "how are you?" In their selfish-minds; just by knowing them, they deserve whatever you've done for them. You're just dumb enough to keep caring. Meaning, you still have empathy and compassion. Good for you! Unfortunately, it falls on some people who don't deserve it.
Don't let it stop you! You don't always get-back what you give. When you're in a situation where you can pick your friends; set your preferred-criteria, use good-judgement, test them, and choose wisely. They will make mistakes, and so will you! Say something if you think it would help to correct the situation. If not, cut them loose!
How on earth do you deal with people like you've described? You remain calm, be yourself, and continue to do what you know is right. As nice or kind as we try to be; we're still not perfect. Somebody out there is saying the same thing you're saying, about you and me! We don't care!
I'm a Christian. Throughout my childhood I was taught to share, help others, show compassion, and be selfless. I pay no attention to those anti-christian horror stories blaming God for bad-people. Well, He admits He created light and darkness, well-being, and calamity. Who's to tell Him how to run it? Get-over yourselves non- believers! Just looking for ways to cast evil dispersion on the Almighty; for not being a sappy boot-licking genie, and running HIS WORLD as THEY think He ought to. As if their puny little minds can out-think the Creator of the Universe. Oh, please!!! Seriously?!!
I think I can safely assume you were also brought-up by parents who taught you to be caring. Yes, family will let you down too! I was forewarned before venturing out into the world to use discernment; and be careful of whom I called friends. Advised to try to be selective of the type of people I wanted to be associated with. I've made a lot of mistakes choosing friends, and in accepting friendships. I've met a lot of people who used me. I've gotten taken advantage of; and/or back-stabbed by people I trusted. It hurt me really deeply; because I really loved some of them. Oh well, that's life! You move on. Expect to get hurt again, but be resilient!
I was always taught this by my faith. Jesus was kind, compassionate, loyal, and He showed a perfect example of what love is. He healed the sick, and even cast-out demons. Yet he ended-up crossing religious leadership; and His own Jewish-brethren. All of whom turned on Him, and nailed Him hands and feet to a cross. Even before that, they whipped Him, pressed a thorny crown into His scalp, and yanked out chunks of His beard. He knew before He made the final sacrifice that He was dealing with humans. He forgives us! Don't expect any better from people than He did. We're human.
It took me a while, after repeated experiences of getting taken advantage of, or not being able to depend on hardly anyone; but I started to weed-out the less dependable, or the disloyal among my circle of acquaintances.
It's hit or miss. I continuously try to connect with those good-people who have come into my life, and go beyond the call. I can say, of those I trust the most; I can only count on two hands. It's quality beyond quantity. I've learned that I have to distinguish the differences between friends, colleagues, and close-acquaintances. Hence, I am able to gauge my expectations accordingly. Those exceeding any expectation, showing loyalty, and respect. I honor and trust to be friends above all others. They can count on me!
I have no trouble drawing people to me; but connecting with people who reciprocate and think beyond their own needs and desires is quite rare. Regardless of their age. I also get discouraged at what I see, and how I'm treated sometimes; but I keep it in-mind that by my faith there is only One Divine Person that I can always count on. My God. Not people!
Keeping this in-mind, I'm more patient with people. I've experienced that even so-called "church-people" are no different. They're judgy and self-righteous. They'll talk behind your back! Yet I have to remember my own faults and imperfections; then I'll comeback down to earth, off my high-horse. I force myself to listen to constructive-criticism; which keeps me grounded, balanced, and humbled. It also keeps my expectations of other humans more reasonable. Prepare for the worse, and hope for the best. I'm older than you; so it took awhile to gain this wisdom. It's a daily task; and you'll never stop learning, or trying to maintain it. In-fact it's an ongoing laborious-task until you draw you last breath.
Years ago, I joined the Air Force to serve and protect my country. Not everyone would do this, or seems to care much about those who have served. They are sometimes the homeless-people begging on the street. People step-over them, staring at them in disgust, or simply ignoring them. When I can, I will volunteer to help others. I try to advise people here on DC.
All in all, I put God above all persons and things. It has kept me sane; while I watch the world change into God only knows what?!! The highest in leadership in my country is something I've never seen before in my life. They are bringing-out the worst in human-behavior and causing division. I cling to my faith; so I won't become like those bigoted and hateful people. I just keep remembering; regardless, they're only human! Gritting my teeth!
Some just don't care! They won't return a greeting, or a smile; or the tools they've borrowed months ago! That will not change me! Please don't let it change you either! We don't always know what someone is going through that has removed or damaged their humanity. We just keep a safe-distance when they show signs of evil; and extend a hand when they cry for help!
If you're running with a crowd of people in their early 20's, and those who've just crossed the threshold into their 30's. What you've described is pretty common. Try not to take all this too personally, or it will drive you insane. Becoming embittered and cynical will be giving-in and surrendering to the status quo. You're different. It comes with the territory.
Sometimes folks like us end-up alone; but people are still drawn to us, because they see something in us that is refreshing and safe. Just don't always expect them to do as you do; just set an example. If they don't get it, and you find they're just using you. Let them go! Move on, and continue trying to make new-friends. The world is over-populated, you're bound to run into people "who care" sooner or later. When you do, treasure them and treat them well! Treat all people as you want to be treated; becoming like them means you've allowed them to defeat you, and destroy the goodwill within you. I refuse to allow that to happen to me. Even Jesus prayed to Our Heavenly Father, and asked Him to forgive them; because they knew not what they were doing! Just try not to be like them!
Stay kind and honorable, my friend! Kiss a few frogs, and be patient with people. You'll find others who think and behave like us!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2019): HiHope you are not getting too spoiled by the worlds cruel ways, nope! rest assured you are not the only one who thinks like this or feels hurt by the coldness. It's true that it can be hard to even get a decent smile off some misery mugs etc etc, maybe I have become a little cynical .What I learnt was to expect nothing (not even a smile) then I could not feel disappointment, now regards strangers, yes I was referring to family and friends. In general some people do care and do amazing things showing they care, but some of us mere mortals are busy in our own needs and desires and too busy to stop and'Think'. Yes, there are also people who could not care a dot about anyone or anything and nothing can change those type of people, but you can change how YOU feel.You may be a very sensitive soul, you maybe an empath, who soaks up others feelings, or you may just be fed up and cynical like many of us. Be prepared to WARM the world when AI takes the lead and humans no longer rely on their senses, humanity and compassion is needed so much in a cold world stay strong and colour the world.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (27 August 2019):
It sounds like you’ve probably got the wrong friends. People aren’t going to care about you just because you behave in a caring way towards them. I’m not going to care how you are just because you are nice and offer me a shoulder to cry on about my issues. I’m going to care for you if I choose to care for you, simple as that. It’s not like you earn caring points because you lend support to other people. They may be selfish, or just too absorbed with the problems in their own life. Or they may think you just want to be helpful.
It’s great that you’re helpful, but if it isn’t reciprocated and it is making you feel bad, that’s a problem. Don’t try to be a rescuer in order to try and make friends. It’s a common mistake that genuinely nice, good-natured people like you fall into. Either you’ll find that they aren’t equally concerned about you, or they develop a need/dependence on you, which is not the same thing as a mutually fulfilling friendship.
Try instead to form connections based on other things, such as mutual interests and shared hobbies. Is there someone new at work that could do with a cup of coffee and meeting a friendly face? IS there volunteering you can do?
I think you need to find better ways to channel your good nature.
And when you meet people, hold back a little at first. Friendship is a bit like dating in some ways: you need to build things up slowly to know if there is genuine affection for each other. If both of you aren’t working at the friendship, it’s time to move on.
Finally, don’t be so hard on yourself. You seem kind, sensitive and thoughtful. Your family care about you. Strangers are giving their time to help you with their advice and perspectives for nothing. Why? Because we can see that you’re worth the time, the energy and concern to do it.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2019): Dear Sir,
Is this a recent feeling you have? Everyone feels a little like this
sometimes, but then the pendulum usualy swings the ither way,
and they realize people do care.
Hang in there!
Start by caring about yourself, and looking at the beautiful day!
That may sound jejune, but life is beautiful!
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