A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, My questions are a bit complicated and probably TMI. I apologize in advance. I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 months. I love spending time with him, love who he is... but there's an elephant in the room only I seem to bring up...Before we officially started dating, he confessed to me that he is a tickle and foot fetishist. I must be a bit sheltered, because I didn't know how to process those facts. Neither of them bother me, per say, but then he also confessed to suffer from anxiety and that he's been on meds for years. The elephant in the room is this: He can't maintain an erection in bed. He can get one, but as soon as we attempt intercourse, it vanishes. In four months, we've tried to have sex only 5 times... and only 1 time he was able to maintain and ejaculate. I have expressed, gently, my concern. He gives me a different excuse each time. How can I bring this subject up so we can actually work on it? How should I tell him so that he doesn't make excuses, or tries to brush it off, or even shuts down and gets defensive? I'm 26, he's 32. I'm becoming frustrated and I'm seriously thinking of breaking up with him if he ignore this for much longer. Please help!
View related questions:
ejaculate, erection Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): If, as you say, there's an elephant in the room, that might explain his problem or at least put it into context. Perhaps he is a little intimidated by the presence of the elephant and it's making him lose his hard-on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Omg! This sounds as though you are describing my boyfriend! He's 32 has difficulty maintaining and erection, suffers with anxiety , and is into feet!!
This is bizarre.. I hope we are not dating the same guy, I've been with him 2yrs, and have been suspecting he's been cheating the past few months. We live in different cities..I don't mean to panic, but you never know!
Hopefully you respond to this..
...............................
A
male
reader, cute guy +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Omg!!! Do not break up with him. I am taking anti anxiety medication right now and just this morning my wife and I have tried to have sex and I lost my erection. This has been happening every time for as long as I've been on it, which is 4 weeks. Its a normal side effect and it is not his fault, but I'm sure he feels terrible about it. This stuff really messes with your sensitivity and drive. He needs to go to his doctor to talk about it just as I am this week. Be patient and it will pay off.
...............................
A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 He needs to visit his doctor. He may have diabetes, latent, that he is unaware of, or some other problem that he needs to get treatment for.
It's also possible that this is a side-effect of his medication - also a reason for consulting hios doctor and discussing this.
Do not break up your relationship with him if this is your only issue - with investigation and/or treatment I'm sure it is curable.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 It is a major issue in your relationship. Could be the medication he takes for the anxiety which is the cause of the sexual problems. If you know the name of the medication, you could Google it and see if one of the side effects are what he is experiencing. When you have this knowledge, it would be a good starting point for that conversation. And you are right, you have to talk about it. And if he can't, or won't, I don't see you lasting together. Best of luck.
...............................
|
