A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 13 year old girl and don't plan on having sex anytime soon but I was wondering - why does it hurt the first few times you have sex, either when you lose your virginity or when having sex with a new partner? Our bodies are pretty much created to do two things, survive and reproduce. So if we are pretty much made to have sex why would it be meant to hurt and by they way my school doesn't really teach us about sex yet. It's pretty much don't do drugs from 5th grade to where I am now. As for talking to my parents they like hate me and I never tell them anything so that won't work either. Well at least I think my mom dislikes me so if I talk to my dad that would be worst.
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female
reader, bettynotsweaty  +, writes (22 February 2009):
sex = exercise. if you havent used those muscles before, they will hurt (hot chocolate the next morning helps me - aside from the obvious about lube and condoms and sensible boys).
parents = idiots alot of the time. read philip larkin, play your flute very loudly around the house, (im very jealous, i'm awful at any musical instrument) and pointly say that there is no way you could become a professional cheerleader, but being a flautist is what you enjoy. i'm sure your parents would rather a happy flute player than a miserable cheerleader, because from what i recall from american high school dramas, unhappy cheerleaders act like whores...
A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (22 February 2009):
 I can see your point of view.
My knowledge of America isn't too great, but isn't cheerleading considered an important or iconic sport/activity?
It's much in the same way that hockey is a big part of sport I suspect...probably why your parents show enthusiasm for your brother.
The way I see it is that it's not so much a case of "hate" but more a lack of acknowledgment on your parents' part for your flute playing. If their ignorance is extreme as you proclaim, then I think that's unfair on their part.
But the reality is that virtually every parent has a "plan" for their kids, indeed, a friend of mine (early 20's) is studying for a Chemistry degree largely based on the pressure of his parents! It's up to you to try to prove your parents wrong.
I think it's great that you enjoy playing the flute and playing in the band, and you should absolutely stick with it.
You should simply explain to your parents if not already that you simply enjoy what you do. But if they still don't agree, then don't have hard feelings with them.
Perhaps you're going to have to be the one to act mature and not their difference of opinion impair on your relationship with them.
Take care
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (22 February 2009):
Guys who won't go slow and treat you with care, are guys who are mostly likely to hurt you. Not wanting to get hurt, you will tend not to want to mate with them.
Our bodies may be made to reproduce, but they are also made to help us reproduce only with the right person.
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A
female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (22 February 2009):
 first time sex doesn't hurt for everyone... but the reason that it does is because the first time we have intercourse our hymen is broken. not every girl/ woman has one and it can also be broken by other activities such as dance, horse riding and using tampons.
sex with a partner may hurt if his penis is larger than the one from the previous partner.
i hope this helps.
and im sorry to hear that your parents aren't being supportive.. even if they don't agree with your choice, stick with what your most happy with.
good luck xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust to clear things up the reson i think my parents dislike me(mostly my mom) is because i quit cheerleading for marching band. when i started cheering in about 4th grade i sort of liked it but i knew i was different from all the other girls and didn't really know why. like i hardly ever socilized with the other girls on my team. then in 5th grade i discovered the wonderful world of playing the flute and being part of the school band. that was the one thing i was actually happy doing and it didn't interfer with cheering so i continued. now this past summer i decided to quit cheerleading and join my high schools marching band(8th graders are able to) this greatly conflicted because the practices and competitions were on the same days. To my mothers disaproval i chose marching band because that was the thing i truly loved. My parents never came to any of our compititions during the marching season. even our home show they just pushed aside like any other day and went to a party with don't of the parents they met whose daughters are still cheerleaders. they also stop everything and anything to attend every one of my brothers hockey games so its like me marching doesn't mean a thing. they have also refused to buy me an open hole flute because they say it is to expensive when that brought my brother another dirt bike that was around 2,000 twice as much as my new flute and i would be useing it for the next 8 years of my life(through high school and collage). This is why i think my parents dislike me or disapprove of the only thing i truly love doing.
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (21 February 2009):
ArmyMedic is completely right, so now we can go on to the point of your parents.
You can only be your own best judge, but it's mightily common for teenagers to be convinced that their parents dislike them in some form -- although hate is a strong word -- although you're not even sure if your mum dislikes you.
You should try communicating with your parents things more often. If you don't tell them anything, it might make them feel isolated from you, and vice-versa.
Building a good relationship with your parents should come before questions about sex...
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (21 February 2009):
 It hurts less the older you are so rule one wait till you are more developed before having sex. Secondly if the guy you are with gives you lots of foreplay you will be relaxed and lubed therefore it won't hurt as much.The more you do it the better it gets.
So rule two lots of foreplay play and take it slowly.
And just for safe measure when you decide you are old enough and ready make sure he uses a condom.
Good luck
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