A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend is desperate to be friends with me. We went out for well over 4 years and we still care for each other. We haven't really talked at all for 2 months, just formally so I could give back his stuff and exchange letters for closure for myself to move on but he emailed me saying he has to be friends with me. He has told me this several times now... I am unsure. Our break up wasn't bad either. We both got too stressed and had conflicting opinions. I think he wants to find his feet in life and what he wants for the future. I don't want "friends with benefits" but could this mean he misses me or wants me back? or do you think it is just friends, nothing else, doors closed kinda thing... x
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male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (2 March 2009):
You can't be his therapist. 4 years is a substantial relationship, and clearly he is hurting and mourning its break up, even if he know maybe it's for the best. Being a guy, he will be looking for benefits (hey it's probably been 2 months already for him...). If he does want you back, he probably would say so. He hasn't. He's probably feeling lonely. If he does want you back, he should say so. It doesn't sound like you want him back either, that you've made your decision to move on, and are starting the process. You can't move on from someone who's hand you're holding. Tell him clearly that you can't be his friend. Meet for a coffee (NOT A BEER!) to tell him. Give yourselves both that added closure.
A
female
reader, poison ivy 2009  +, writes (2 March 2009):
 I find staying friends right after a break up is nearly impossible.. You can't move on if there is still that connection.. But later on it's possible. Maybe he just needs time, but for now you should let him know that you need space to accept that things are over and then later on, you cn be friends. If the love is still there maybe it ill reunite you to, but as I said give yourself some time now to heal..
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A
female
reader, audie  +, writes (2 March 2009):
 4 years is a long time so i understand if its hard for your ex to just walk away. i see no reason why u guys shouldnt be friends unless there r still unresolved feelings or you had a messy break up. i still talk to my ex 3 years after we ended things. we just drew a line which we vowed to never cross. it might be hard to redefine the relationship at first but you get used to it later on.
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