Why does my boyfriend spy on me?

A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for just over three years. During this time, he has broken the relationship off about 4 times. Every time this happens there is no warning. Things are going along fine. We are spending all of our nights together almost like we are living together. Again, there is never a sign that this is coming. The something, and I don't know what, will set him off and he just disappears to his place and will not speak to me on the phone to talk about anything. His only communication with me is online chat. Each time this happens he tells me that he could never live with me and then proceeds to tell me whatever issue he has decided that I now have and that I will never change and so on. Each time this has happed the issues are different. Though all this he will still tell me he loves and misses me. Then eventually we start seeing each other again and he will not discuss any of the issues so it is all just as if nothing ever happend and he did not say the cruel thing that he did. He has a key for my home and when we are supposedly not seeing each other he will come here and check up on me and leave little signs he was here. This most recent time he did not leave signs but let it slip on chat that he had been here. I am so confused by this behaviour. He says he loves me and when we are together it is great, we are completely comfortable and happy together. Why does he do this every few months and why does he spy on me?

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