A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone,my boyfriend has recently started saying im annoying.ive asked him what i do wrong and all he says is that i am too enthusiastic about stuff. we live apart so dont see each other too often, so when i get to see him or call i ask how things are and what hes up to etc. its nice to know hes ok. but he gets quite angry, especially when i ask how his family and friends are too?He has mentioned that he is a bit down and a little depressed at the moment with finance and not being able to move out yet. But hes becoming a bit mean and its upsetting?Its weird, i will say something like 'im glad your getting on better, thats good' and all he will say is 'shut up' or 'if thats what you want to believe'. i just try to cheer him up, but i dont know whats wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012): The guy is an ass OP and it sounds like you don't really get on.
I suffered deep depression for years, I never took it out on my girlfriend, I never told her to shut up over a meaningless question and while it can be annoying for people to be so cheery when you're feeling down that's no excuse for him to take this out on you. My girlfriend at the time was lovely, always willing to help and her life was good so she was happy, who am I to turn that into something negative?
My advice would be to give him space. Don't contact him for a while OP, his head is not in this relationship right now.
You need to give him space until he snaps out of this but be prepared for this to just be a matter of incompatibility. Maybe he just doesn't work well with a bubbly, happy and enthusiastic girlfriend. Because I have to say it doesn't even sound like you're being overbearing in your attempts to cheer him up, it just sounds like you're being nice and caring and he can't even tolerate that.
Give him lots of space, don't contact him anymore, tell him you're going to give him space to let him sort out his head. as you only seem to be making things worse. I hate to say it though OP this really does sound like you just don't get on. I turn to my girlfriend for support when I'm feeling down, just talking to her makes me feel better, just knowing she cares about me brightens me up, this guy is the opposite.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 December 2012):
 stop trying to cheer him up.
He is depressed and he needs to seek professional medical and psychological assistance to get past this.
If he is depressed and not seeking help there is really nothing you can do and you do not have to subject yourself to being abused by him.
Next time you talk to him and he gets mean, you say "darling you need help beyond what i can offer, please see your doctor about your depression" and then you say "i care deeply about you but will not accept your abuse, call me when you are able to treat me properly" and you hang up and get about your business and wait for him to call you.
Just because he's depressed does not give him the right to be abusive and if you teach him it's ok to be mean to you when he feels bad it will continue as a pattern in your relationship. Nip his bad behavior in the bud.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012): Sounds like he is in a depression. When people are depressed, trying to cheer them up can have the opposite effect because you are unwittingly invalidating their pain and trying to replace their feelings with your own.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (16 December 2012):
IF something is bothering him, unfortunately he’s bottling it up and venting his anger on you whereas he should be talking to you and asking for your support. It’s unfortunate that he has difficulties but that’s no excuse for such outright rudeness. It would not be unreasonable of you to find a private moment with him and mention the way he has been speaking to you lately and how it has made you feel. Tell him that you’re there for him if he needs it but that he shouldn’t be taking it out on you in this way.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (16 December 2012):
 HI
Sounds like to me he is self obsorbed and would much rather someone be at his bec and call, feeling sorry for him, as he feels sorry for himself. I would give him a wide birth for a while, and if he ask's why say " I appreciate the fact that your down, but I don't appreciate being told i'm annoying when all I have done is try to be a possitive person. I wont be dragged down to your depressing mood I need to feel alive not like a wiltered flower. When your ready for a relationship as an adult let me know" and walk away....seriously harsh BUT he is the sort of person who will walk all over you if you don't put your foot down now.
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012):
Gee honey, he is acting very spiteful towards you over issues he has.. Does he have debts?
In all honesty he needs to respect you, if he having difficulties then its good to talk about these things in calm manner (maybe you need to tone down your voice a little, my niece tends to get louder when she excited, not a bad thing but can be slightly off putting)
Then ask him calmly what's wrong, he needs to understand that you won't take being spoken to in the manner he has been, and being spiteful that's not on.. If he continues the way he's going you may need to reconsider the relationship..
Try talking it through.. Hope it works out for you both
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A
female
reader, IamJess +, writes (16 December 2012):
 Maybe he doesn't believe in himself that he can pick himself up and make things better, if thats the case then just let him be and just carry on motivating him to try make it better.
Also tell him he's been nasty about it and that you're only trying to help, like any good person would.
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