A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A friend told me to look at some online forum for guys who feel like they need a little help with picking up women. It was filled with silly pick up lines and ridiculous little mind games.My friend thought it was hilarious but I found it a little sad that they don't know the key to finding a mate is just to be yourself. Anyway, as I was looking through the posts, I found my boyfriend's screen name. (I know it's his because I went to the profile and saw his email address.) Well basically, he was bragging about how he used the pick up lines and was picking women up at the club and taking them around the city. He said he was getting all kinds of women to leave with him.This really bothers me because:1. the date this was posted was recent (we've been together for almost a year)2. when he goes clubbing without me, I'm fine with it because I trust him not to be stupid 3. when he does go out he tells me women never want to even dance with him and he just sits drinks with friends4. he doesn't want me to go clubbing without him because he claims that he wants me to be safe (the city we live in has a high crime rate)So basically he's been lying to me... I talked to him about this and showed the post to him, he laughed and brushed it off as "nothing."I love him to death and I'd do anything for him, but I'm starting to see more and more how deceptive he really is......Why does he want to pick up women when he has me? Why did he lie? What should I do? Or am I just overreacting?
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male
reader, wiseguy +, writes (25 April 2011):
He has taken you for granted. You're no more a challenge.Remember : nothing has value unless you have to work for it.Your only option is to stop making yourself so easily available to him. Get out with your friends, do fun activities, have a life. Instead of sitting at home and wondering what he is up to, let him wonder what you're up to.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Well, the poster below may have really hit on something...I don't know...
"I also have a girlfriend of 6 months right now, and i know a thing or 2 about so called pick up arts. My girlfriend does not know this and i chose not to tell her. why ? because the real deal about pick up is that guys like him and me are learning to become a better man."
I didn't know that this made you a better man, really, I just didn't. He's had a gf for 6 mos as well, and that really speaks to a lot of experience, and he doesn't tell her what he does when he goes out without her.
I would have voted for "selfish pig" on the boyfriend doing this kind of stuff, because all the literature I've ever read indicated that people who do this stuff eventually cheat.
I also would have voted for "You are not overreacting. If anything, you are underreacting." if it hadn't been for they guy who explained that this is how you become a "better man" by doing this stuff behind your gf's back.
Now, now that I know that, I've got to start doing this behind my wife's back, she should be pleased because I'll be a better man, it should make my kids happy as well, I can hear them now.
"Dad's a better man since he flirts with women behind Mom's back and picks up women in the clubs."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): "Why does he want to pick up women when he has me?"
Because he's a selfish pig who thinks he can get away with it even if he's caught because he believes you're so gullible and desperate that he can easily sweettalk you into taking him back.
"Why did he lie?"
See above.
"What should I do?"
The one thing he knows you won't do: dump him.
"Or am I just overreacting?"
No, but you'll let him convince you otherwise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Hey i am actually your boyfriend in some kinds of ways.
I also have a girlfriend of 6 months right now, and i know a thing or 2 about so called pick up arts. My girlfriend does not know this and i chose not to tell her. why ? because the real deal about pick up is that guys like him and me are learning to become a better man.
There has always been this controversy about manipulating and having these smooth lines, truth is these are all simple tools to figure out how attraction works. As my deal, i totally respect my girlfriend and i would never cheat her or do things that are not appropriate. Before i met my girlfriend i was this wreck in relationships and all truth is the community has thought me lot's of things.
He loves you i swear. Look at it this way when boy of the age 10-12 they show off there newly bought action figure to prove how cool they are, you BF is probably just the same where feels like he knows all the lines.... and the mind games... (Believe me he will get out of this, eventually people will notice all these tricks and stupid mind games ) Real self improvement comes from a love for yourself and a deep understanding of social situations and knowing that confidence and a great sense of self is the true way of attracting any woman.
Truth is when i come home after a night of going out having spoken a lot of girls. I always wonder how my gf is doing, always excited to see her. He chose you.
If you need any more advice, just let me know. good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): You are not overreacting. If anything, you are underreacting.
The guy is no good. He doesn't show you any respect. A profile online bragging about picking up chicks? Not letting you go out with him because it isn't safe? The guy is a player. And a poor one, at that. (using his own email on the website and not a second account? Coming up with really lame excuses for why you can't go out with him?)
As for your question: why do guys pick up women when they already have a girlfriend, it's just part of life for some of us. I went through my player phase. I always had a 'serious girl' and then the girls on the side. I wanted to 'see what is out there' while still having the benefits of a committed relationship (stability, support, love). Some of my guy friends I've met over the year have done the same. The desire to experience many women is biologically wired in men. Sure, some ignore the urge, write it off as morally, socially, or ethically wrong, and others might just plain old not feel it very strongly. But what is important is that when a man truly respects and loves a woman, he wants to stop messing around and settle down with her.
Your boyfriend hasn't gotten the 'player' out of his system. You could do much better than him. Dump him and move on. And then make sure not to listen to him after that either, because he'll make a bunch of insane promises to try to keep you but I can guarantee they'll just be empty. Also, when he is done playing he will inevitably want a girl that isn't you. If you were the one for him, he never would have needed to mess around with other girls.
Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (19 January 2011):
 You need more than an evasive/ dismissive answer to the question that you'd asked him and you've already listed the reasons why. So, tell him how you feel and why you feel that way and ask him to explain it more fully than simply telling you that "it's nothing".
It's very possible that he's talking out of his backside online to make himself feel like he fits in or that he's some player or something (many guys have fragile egos and like telling tall tales, especially online). However, it may be equally as likely or more likely that he's been lying and cheating - which is altogether different ego issue that an unfortunate number of people have.
Bottom line - you need to get to the bottom of it and find out what you can most reasonably determine is the truth. Unfortunately, when something walks like a duck and quacks, it's probably a duck - it's only a rare occasion that it's somebody doing an impression of a duck...
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