A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently started a relationship with a girl I met online. We met up, after talking online a while and things went great. I was nervous upon the first meeting. My main concern was about our attraction to each other. But as I mentioned, things went great and we decided to go steady.I had doubts then, but as soon as we met, they were dashed. Around the second week into our relationship she found out she had two days off of week, another date.I invited her up to my house to stay the night as, we're also in a semi-long distance relationship. My intentions honorable, I slept downstairs while she had my bed.It was another good day. But at my house, Doubts crept into my mind again, doubts I couldn't actually put my finger on. Just this strange feeling rising up my body. I like her a lot, she is a perfect match for me, since I have Asperger's - Pub crawling really isn't my thing, and nor hers. She understands my social enept-ness better than any other girl I've tried to court, so she really is special. However, these doubts are really worrying me - I want a relationship and she is the girl I've been looking for. But why do this feeling of doubting the relationship come into my mind?At times it can be exciting and I look forward to the future, but then i'm suddenly doubtful again.I have one theory. My ex (who also had Aspergers, a year since the break up) Was very controlling, I lost a lot of free time, friends. And when we broke up a massive chain had been lifted. But the effects have carried over it appears; My theory is that I'm worried that this relationship will be the same, that I'll lose my free-will as I did before... I could be wrong of course but at the moment this is the only thing I could think of...Our relationship is young but as came along quickly, as I've only had two other relationships. I'm not bothered about how slow or quick they go.I really need help on this, I'd rather try and save a relationship with an amazing girl who is really into me, than one who pretty much abused me. I don't want to hurt her as her own exs have hurt her badly. And I want to be something good.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (21 January 2011):
 ITs only natural to have doubts, I dont think anybody ever goes into a relationship with complete confidence If Im honest.
What you have to realise here is that your fears and doubts probably ARE down to past experience, just as youve said yourself. Fight them and dont let them creep in and destroy what youre building here.
Its easy for me to say, I know, but the point is, its true! If you end up worrying about this all the time, your girlfriend is going to pick up on it and you may well find it just drives her away.
You owe it to yourself as well as to her to keep a lid on these feelings. If this is the right relationship for you and shes the right girl, the feelings will just evaporate over time.
Enjoy. Stop worrying if you can.
Good luck.
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