A
female
age
30-35,
*ngel90
writes:i have known this guy who is a year younger than me through an online chat site. He's not in the same country as me but we've talked and all for more than a couple of years now. Ive been in a relationship with someone from my own country during this 2 years but im single for the last one year and have grown really close with him. He is one person who shows immense care and affection on me despite the distance and always made me feel like he truely loves me. Right now ive grown to love him n feel hes the one for me. The problem is ge never has time to talk to me these days. Hes in college and busy all the time. If i dont call we go up to 5 days with no contact and its me calling him again. Hes tried to make me understand that he truly loves me and says hes just busy but this has been happening long enough. He is the only guy that has cried coz ive hurt him. I miss him so much but just cant talk to him coz of his life back there. Sometimes a part of me feels like not bothering about him but that will hurt him badly, he loves me alot i know. Im just confused.. He cuts my call often when weve spoke for like 10 mins saying he gas to eat n sleep n never calls back. Im the one calling him daily n i feel like im bothering him. Should i just stop? Im really tired of him hanging up on me wen i really miss him n want to talk. This might have gotten little long, i have real friends and all and im doing my degree well. Im not distracted and i do have my own life here. This guy is means a lot to me. please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Oh sweetie, I’m so glad you will be ok… You feel betrayed. You feel stupid. I know those feelings. Hugs to you… it will be better… I promise that.
You have my permission and encouragement to spend the next 6 weeks, crying and feeling sorry for yourself. You may eat all the ice cream you want… after that you have to get on with life…
then you get up
you go out
you exercise
you work
you go out with friends
LIFE goes on and you will be fabulous...
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Omg Angel..well you can't just give up on life for one miserable jackass who had no motive in life but all along just to have fun,you can't have him ruin your life..please stay strong I know this must be hard but you can't give up..you have done nothing wrong so why should you be punished,shouldn't he?and I'm sure he will..cause its not a nice thing playing with someone's life..!such a pathetic loser..and being in med school I can tell that swallowing so many tablets I'm releived to here that you did not have tooo harmful adverse effects and its just stomach ache..you need to snap out of this..your free to email me on here if you want to talk to me in private..please be safee..
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A
female
reader, Angel90 +, writes (15 August 2012):
Angel90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all i thought i should update on my situation. Just about two days back i found out that this guy has a girlfriend of 5years. Im almost shattered and cant describe how i feel now. All alond everything has been a lie. He used to say he wants me and he loves me alot blah blah was all just so i would not leave him. I feel cheated and miserable. I overdosed on about 20 panadols last night but im fine now. Im having a bad stomach ache thats becomin worst. Right now i feel miserable and have been crying non stop. I feel stupid i just recalled all the advises from here.. I cant believe this happened to me. Pleasee someone help me :(
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2012):
Dear Angel90,
I realize that it’s hard to hear the truth… and I realize that kinder responses get better ratings and are received better… but to be honest I think of support much like an underwire bra… not always comfortable but often needed…
It’s very very VERY hard to see the forest for the trees and it’s harder to do what you know is right for you when you really want to do the opposite. I know this. Like I say in my profile, I’m great at giving advice to OTHERS but I am lousy at taking it myself… maybe that’s what makes it easy for me to be so blunt and hurtful.
It’s not meant to be cruel…. But sometimes we can’t see what’s in front of our own faces… I know if someone in my own personal situation posted and asked advice (and they have) I would tell them to RUN and end the relationship.
IT sounds hypocritical but if a person is questioning why they are doing something or how someone feels, then they are not happy and they often need the PUSH to do what they are afraid of.
Feel free to keep us updated as most of us here actually DO CARE about how other folks are doing especially when we give advice and they take it… it helps ME to see if it works (or doesn’t as the case may be) so that I can continue to improve on the advice I give.
love
aunt SVC
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 July 2012):
 Sometimes there is not a nice way to say something, it just comes out as the facts. I am glad you did not take it that we were trying to hurt you. We are just trying to help you see your situation more clearly. I know it is not always pleasant to see the truth, but it can help you out tremendously to see other opinions. Good luck, and I hope you find someone in real life who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.
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A
female
reader, Angel90 +, writes (10 July 2012):
Angel90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi to be honest i was expecting kinder responses.. However all ur answers has put forth the reality in me! Thank you cute angel, bond girl n so very confused.. Im gona focus on my life and move away from this guy..well i will also mentions things said by confused.. Im gona stop callin him and make him and see how things go. I should really get off this habit of missing him! I will! Thank you gals!! Its great to hear such concerned advises :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2012):
Just because HE means more to YOU than a person you’ve never met…
Just because YOU think it’s a real relationship does not make it so.
How do you know he gets hurt if you don’t call him? Oh he tells you? And that carries so much weight… I’m very rich, and stunningly gorgeous, tall and leggy with long thick hair and huge green eyes…. and I fight men off with a stick. I spend all day going to the gym and working out and buying pretty clothes and getting my hair done. There it must be true. I said so. NOT.
Just because someone says something across a phone line or a computer screen it does NOT make it true….
You don’t want to lose him…. Ok… what about him don’t you want to lose??? Let’s work on that first.
Let’s list all the things you said he gives you:
1. He never had time to talk to you
2. He’s busy all the time
3. He can go AT LEAST 5 days without talking to you (we don’t’ know how long he can go since he’s never been given the chance)
4. He’s told you he’s cried because you hurt him (have you SEEN it?)
5. You can’t talk to him because of his LIFE where he LIVES…. (that means you are NOT part of HIS LIFE….
6. You KNOW he loves you a lot (how do you know this??? Words mean nothing… actions tell you a man loves you… WHAT actions does he have that proves he loves you?
7. He never calls back
8. He gives you a ten minute phone call once every 5 days? Honey my LDR guy saw me 3 nights a week and most days we talked on the phone an hour or more… even now living together we still call and email during the day…. When was the last time HE CALLED YOU???
what is it again you don't want to lose?
So tell me again what is he giving you and why does he mean a lot to you?
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 July 2012):
You do not know this man, you have not observed him in real life, you do not know his habits, his behaviors, or whether he is honest and trustworthy. All you know is what he has told you online. Why would you possibly believe someone loves you when he has not even met you? Anyone can sit at a computer and type love notes to someone they don't know. He cuts your calls short because he is likely living his life...probably with other women involved. I apologize for talking to you like this, but you must stop being so naive to what online "relationships" are. They are a fun diversion and a way to make friends, but should not be taken as seriously as you are taking them. They do not suffice for real life. I believe that you have friends in real life, but you have been drawn into the online world with this guy. Please look realistically at the situation. He doesn't talk to you much because he has a real life and you are probably a very small part of it. I know he has made you feel like you are cared about and loved, but his actions show otherwise. His actions show that you are almost insignificant as he only afford to spend a small amount of time talking with you. A man who does not call you, take an interest in you, and spend time with you is not interested, plain and simple. You need to consider stopping contact with this guy and find someone in real life or spend time with friends. Enjoy your life instead of wasting the time you have on someone online.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): If you are the one doing the calling and not getting much back, for goodness sake, stop calling. What is the point. It is unlikely that this is something that will lead on to anything - so concentrate on real friendships and relationships, people you can meet, see and feel. On-line relationships are all smoke and mirrors unless you have met at some point, but even then, they are based it cyber space and not reality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): thank you really appreciate ur advise n truely understand wher u're coming from but this is more than bits n bytes of a comp screen.. I refuse to accept that as i know that he means more than that to me. If i dont call him he gets hurts, i dont want to lose him..mayb like you said its not an ldr at all.. Thank you dear and i would love to hear from others :)
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A
female
reader, cute angel +, writes (9 July 2012):
Hey honey,
First off I think you should give him a chance to miss you,if your constantly calling him,he knows your always there and would never make an effort..let him miss you,let him make an effort to listen to the voice he loves..
I can understand you truly and deeply care about this guy,but if your the one doing all the work in the relationship then he would take you for granted..IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO like the saying goes..you need him to put equal amount of effort to make this work since your in a long distance and making time for someone you love shldnt be that hard..
Now moving on to a certain things you should know and be careful abt is,u'v knws this person thru internet,you haven't met him in real,so don't be sooo involved in this,right now you will see what you want,but reality sometimes can be harsh..so don't rush into things,if you like him its good,but take it slow,plan to meet up in a public place,get to know each other,get off the computer screens,texting and the other gadgets and spend time in person..
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2012):
This is NOT a relationship.. this is you trying to build a relationship out of some bits and bytes of a computer screen...
STOP rowing your relationship boat with this man. Don't call.... get on with your life... make it a game to see how long it takes him to get in touch with you and ask about you.... he's stringing you along dear...
I've done LDRs... and I can tell you that when a man is in an LDR with a woman he loves, the phone rings on her end, the emails will come, the texts will come and the "when can I see you again" questions happen.... he wants to wake up to your voice or text and go to sleep with your "good night I miss you" on his brain...
if you have never met, he's just an online friend and the fact that he's HANGING UP ON YOU tells me that honey he's not even interested in a real relationship with you.
Time to move on.
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