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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm sick of this situation. My boyfriend gives me crap about my past almost daily! I have done nothing wrong, I've been faithful, I don't flirt, etc. Yet he resents me a lot. It's like if I had cheated on him and he resented me for that. Except I haven't!I love him tons, and so does he. But he just can't seem to get over it. Sometimes everything is ok and awesome, but the next day I'll call him and he's sulking about it, gets angry and asks me the same questions he's asked over and over.Just so you know, my past is mild I think. I didn't sleep around, I guess you can say I kissed around. But I lost my virginity to him. Sadly, he knows most of the guys I kissed, no strings attached. I've read many similar questions and some men seem to think it's ok to react to the past like this but I disagree. I've done nothing evil to him so why do I have to suffer? He's an otherwise great guy and I don' wanna lose him, but this is stressful and it hurts.
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male
reader, Arcturius  +, writes (22 September 2010):
This guy has no clue what he's got-seriously. Tell him to wait until he's 30, when the women he'll be dating have been around long enough to give him something worth actually feeling bad about. You gave him your virginity and he's worried about you having kissed someone? That's foolish. There's nothing wrong with you, he's just feeling like what you've done with other people minimizes his importance in the grand scheme of life. Tell him that he got the only important thing, that you went ahead and had sex with him, cause when he kissed you, you wanted too, whereas when the other guys kissed you, you didn't want to. That should cure his non-existent problem.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): Hey Sydnee,
Well, we've been together for 3 years and this is an ongoing issue. I've talked to him countless times about this, with many approaches - I've cried in frustration, I've been patient and loving, I've withdrawn from the conversation, I've gotten angry and refused to answer, I've been patient and answered every question he has and then some, I've threatened to leave him, etc. Nothing has worked.
The thing is, he knows most of the guys I "was with" (not sexually, just kissing) before. He knows them personally. He says he feels a bit humilliated because they had me first, and that they must think "Haha, I had his girlfriend first, with no strings attached" when they see him, etc. He says it bothers him that I gave myself to them in a way without any sort of commitment to guys who were jerks, etc. He says this created trust issues and such. He says if I did it once, I can do it again (mind you, I did it when I was single and immature). I just think it's very irrational, but I do understand his pain and anger is real.
Well, he still pretty much wants me sexually, A LOT. He loves having sex with me, so lust hasn't died down. And besides from that, we have a lot in common together. We play in a band together, we share political and spiritual views, we have a similar sense of humor, we just connect really well. He says that is part of the problem, too. In the beginning, before he knew about my past, he really idealized me. We just connected in a way he had never connected with another female before (of course I had never connected like that with a guy either, sincehe's my first boyfriend and all). He thought I would have never done things like that in the past, so when he found out I had (so carefree, AND with people he knows) he was majorly disappointed.
I don't knoe, that's why I don't want to lose him. As I said, he's a great guy otherwise. It's gonna be hard finding a guy who is so much like him. I really like everything else about him. I love him.
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A
female
reader, Sydnee  +, writes (8 February 2010):
Dear AnonHave you tried telling him how you feel?saying all these things to him? it could be that he has something on his mind thats bugging him and he wants you to question himi doubt your past is a factor because the relationship would never have started if it wasit could just be that now the honeymoon period is over and lust has left the relationshipthere isnt enough left behind to keep it strong Good LuckSydnee x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 February 2010):
I think you need to lose him to be honest. He's clearly very insecure and has problems he needs to address before he can make any woman a good boyfriend. You've done nothing wrong, yet he is giving your grief and heartache. You're going to get hurt if you continue this way.
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