A
female
age
30-35,
*eebyF
writes:Wow, I just read most of these responses to columns about boyfriends who forget their girl's birthdays. I have to admit, my boyfriend isn't that much of an asshole. I guess reading these responses makes me feel better about my situation.It's 4:12 am on February 13, my birthday. All my best friends, worst enemies wished me a happy birthday at midnight. I got even more facebook wishes and automated emails. But nothing from my boyfriend of a year and a half. I kind of taunted him for an hour after midnight, through text messages, but he still wasn't getting it. He kept asking what he did wrong and that he already feels horrible. I eventually fell asleep and he just now texted me, saying happy birthday and quite a few other sweet things, while calling himself a dumbass. I know he feels horrible. He said he can't sleep now and he told me he bought me my gift from the mall yesterday, so that does make me feel better. I have yet to respond, because I'm just SO upset. Last year, he was on a business trip and missed my birthday, but made it back in time for Valentine's. He felt really horrible then too. He made up for it by taking me away for the weekend and a pearl bracelet-earring set. I know he does feel guilty for being an idiot, but why does he have to be an idiot in the first place? I understand I'm better off than a lot of these other women's stories, but I can still relate to these women, in that, I just don't feel important or special. I know he cares, he's done so much for me, he feels horrible. But he fucks up an awful lot...I know I'm not going to break up with him or anything. That would be silly because I know he at least regrets it and feels bad about it. I guess I needed to get out my thoughts and feelings. I'm just trying to see if I'm overreacting and what I can do to "punish" him for it. That sounds bad, but you guys know what I mean. I don't want to get even, or try and make him feel what I'm feeling. I just want him to know he fucked up and to feel guilty. I guess I'm already kind of doing that by pretending I'm hurt but that I'll forgive him. He can't stand when I do that. He wants me to be raging angry. But I don't want to give him that. Anyone else catch my drift? Feel my pain? etc.
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female
reader, LittleMissy  +, writes (14 February 2011):
Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh in my previous answer, but my initial response was you were being a bit spoiled!!.... However I do realize that us girls sometimes over analyze things.My advice is still pretty much the same, however; you've got a good guy so the whole "pretending to be hurt" thing is going to risk losing him. The fact he wishes other people a happy birthday at midnight doesn't mean much, if they meant more to him than you, then he'd be with them, not you. The fact you guys are in a long-term relationship should mean he can relax a little sometimes!!
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 February 2011):
 I understand better now. I thought it might be helpful to say one other thing to you.
Aren't you glad that he treats you differently than he treats his exes? It looks like, to me, that he is making a break with his old lifestyle. I think that could be good for you.
FA
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A
female
reader, WeebyF +, writes (13 February 2011):
WeebyF is verified as being by the original poster of the question I also want to add that, he is very big on wishing people happy birthday at midnight... if that wasn't his "style," I don't think I'd be making such a big deal of this. He has many female friends, most of which are his ex's, who he makes sure he calls at midnight, even when he's in my company. I guess that's why I was initially so upset. It doesn't really matter to me, personally, whether or not someone wishes me at the strike of midnight. It's just that he's the type of person who does.
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A
female
reader, WeebyF +, writes (13 February 2011):
WeebyF is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSIGH. I guess I am being a tad stupid. I just apologized to him and he still feels bad. I don't want him to feel bad anymore! Hahaha oh god this sucks. I think I came off a bit dramatic in my initial question. Our relationship started off really rocky in which he used to sleep with multiple women because he simply didn't know he was in a real relationship with me. I guess that's why I am always needy with him and always feel like he needs to make things up to me.
That's still no excuse for me being a brat, though. Thank you all very much for helping me understand and appreciate my boyfriend. I know that sometimes I can take him for granted.
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A
female
reader, Nunyobidnez +, writes (13 February 2011):
You actually sound pretty spoiled. The reason people "homage" you (I like that) is because they're afraid of your tantrum [justified] if they don't. You have some pretty dedicated friends (and that is a plus for you so, not that MY opinion matters - but you DID ask).
Answer: You have got it really good. Love him up. Continue to be demanding because this the only way you're hanging onto this guy. He obviously wouldn't stick around if you weren't such a challenge.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (13 February 2011):
 "Feel your pain"? Oh, give us a break! He already regrets being late for your birthday, why on earth are you so bent on punishing him for that? You seem to be very critical of the man.
Get over it - unless you want HIM to "get over it" and decide to end it with you, that is!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 February 2011):
Weeby
From my point of view you are pretty needy. He didn't forget your birthday. He went out and bought a present and had it wrapped. He probably planned on a pleasant surprise for you some time today. You have thrown that all in his face because he didn't send you a text at midnight? How fair is that. I guess you would rather have a text than a boyfriend.
He feels guilty, he is sad that he can't meet your expectations. He called you to let you know that. But that is just not enough. You want to punish him. Is that going to build the relationship? I must admit in some relationships it would.
So if you are just pretending to be hurt, what is it that you want? Think about that. Then try your best to communicate it clearly to him. No games, just clear communication. This guy seems pretty eager to make you happy, but he is not getting all of your messages.
FA
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 Let me get that straight : you call your boyfriend an idiot and you want him to feel guilty....because he did not wish you happy birthday right after the last touch of midnight bells ??? Why, what happens after midnight.. do you turn into a pumpkin ??
I have trouble believing that you are really upset about that. It's a birthDAY , not a birthsplitsecond. People has
all day to give you their wishes ,it's totally proper from an etiquette point of view. Of course if they remember sooner rather then later it's nice and flattering,but you can't call them idiot or accuse them of fucking up if they haven't hommaged you by 12.05.
That all your best friends and worst enemies have done precisely so probably just means ...that they have too little to think about, or they they are slightly superstitious or neurotic. Not that it MUST be that way.
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