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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Why do women Rationalise their cheating? Men cheat a lot more than women but at the very least they know what they're doing is wrong. When a man is generally caught cheating, whether he cares or not, he's not going to argue about what he's done, but when a woman is caught she brings forth reasons to justify their actions.Don't get me wrong cheating is cheating and is wrong no matter who does it - but that's the point, a lot of women who cheat don't consider themselves as cheating as soon as they deem their current relationship as over in their minds - or for various other reasons.I find this a little disturbing, I guess it's because I'm a very insecure person but I'd like to think at least my partner would have moral standards to understand her wrongs.Sorry if I'm coming across as generalising, which is not what I want to do. Both men and women who cheat are just as bad as each other, men for doing it so casually and not thinking so much of it. I'm just saying that rationalising adultery just seems to be prevalent among females - I guess this disturbs me most as being a man and it's just coming from a man's point of view.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (1 November 2008):
Women are less strong about leaving when things go wrong - they want to stick it out long term but then stray instead of standing up and saying "I'm leaving, this is going to hurt you, sorry, bye then."
It's the same that when men kill their wives they do it when they are angry and hit them with something or strangle them in anger. Where as women don't have the physical strength so they put poison in the dinner instead.
Women don't want to confront so they try solving their problems without the man finding out and getting angry and hurt. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, Gem86 +, writes (1 November 2008):
 Hmmm... well, this may be due to something that society teaches us. Men cheating is something that is almost seen as normal, as you nearly touch on in your question. Society (and women) will almost (I do say almost) expect it. A lot of the time genetics or evolution is blamed - 'men just want to spread their seed' etc.So for a woman to cheat, she may feel like she needs to justify it more. I.e. shes not acting like her gender should according to society, so she needs to find her own justification. You have said yourself that the prevalence of adultery in women disturbs you - society has told you women shouldnt cheat, therefore theres lots more justification being given.You might not agree with what Ive written above, but it would be my own personal take on what you have asked. I would say that if a person is cheating on their partner there is clearly something not right in their relationship (whether its simply the wrong choice of partner, trust issues, etc), and the problem needs to be solved or the relationship will fail. All the best.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (1 November 2008):
 I think that women and men have various reasons for cheating, but they do think differently. I think that men who cheat justify it by saying that it was sexually motivated, and not emotional.Women, on the other hand, are more likely to cheat to fill an emotional void. I'm not defending infidelity, but sometimes, women are in relationships with men who neglect their emotional needs, and the wind up cheating with a man who fills that void.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (1 November 2008):
 OK well I have experience of a man cheating on me and believe me when yes he got found out he held his hands up to a degree but then he again tried to rationalise his behaviour.
Yes men and women cheat and there are always reasons behind cheating. The person who is cheating is part of a couple and there are normally reasons behind the fact that they feel perhaps unloved in their relationship or cannot communicate with their partner.
I personally don't think that alters for men or women but perhaps women vocalise their reasons more than men. You know the old saying women talk and men go their caves, a sentence I read in Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus, I hasten to add I didn't finish the whole book but that element stuck out in my mind.
The whole idea of cheating disturbs me believe me but it is part of life and some people chose to talk through their problems before going down the infidelity route and some are not strong enough to battle it out first of all and find themselves finding comfort in someone else's arms. They find the fun factor outside of their relationship and it is the person left behind who is bewildered and hurt but they have a contribution to the fact that the relationship got so bad in the first place.
Believe me I went through Relate counselling for 3 months, then individual counselling and also couple counselling and it all boils down to the aspect that couples stop communicating and stop talking about the important elements within their relationship.
Fact:- Yes relationships do get stale if they are long term.
Fact:- Yes when the dynamics of a relationship change i.e. a child comes into the equation then the relationship suffers, the woman focuses on the child and the man usually feels left out and finds solace with someone else.
If you aim to stop cheating then couples need to communicate more and that is not going to happen overnight as we all like to bury our heads in the sand.
I knew things were not great in my relationship after our daughter was born but I lacked energy and thought that my ex would NEVER cheat on me as he worked from home and we had a new born child, how wrong was I eh!
I could never cheat on someone because I know the pain of what it felt like for me but there are people out there who have had that pain and they do go out and cheat on their partners maybe to regain control or revenge even for a previous relationship.
We are all different but it is the world in which we live and we are all human and as humans we all have flaws I'm afraid, it would however be a boring world though if we all lived a very standard life eh!
Just my opinion, I am sure you will get a lot of different reactions. I did get the whole aspect of what you were saying though.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): Hmm... I think women cheat s much as guys do, they just hide it better. Oops, I'm a woman and I'm trash talking my gender, but there are some ugly truths about women that we have to accept. Me, for one, I hate cheaters and think it's wrong no matter what your motives. If you feel like cheating, no matter what your reason is, the relationship is over and you better break up before messing with anyone else. I know I'd break up with a guy if I felt like cheating. I would never want to be classed as a cheater.Now, why women do this? Honestly? The only thing I can think of is because they know it's WRONG, yet they refuse to admit it and try to cover it up with lame reasons, just because they're selfish. Truth is they're cheaters, period. But they try to make it seem like it was ok, like turning the tables or something... One of the things I dislike about my gender...
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