A
male
age
41-50,
*ls77
writes:I've got a new question for you, inspired by another post... One for the ladies, and one for the men :)When I range my friends on a scale from bad-boy til decent, and compare it with their success with dating (not necessary including happy marriage), I see a strong relation between their "badness" and their success-rate...So, men: If you do the same test with your friends, do you see the same relation that I do, or is it just a coincidence?I guess bad-boys are more "cool" and laid-back (and thereby less desperate than decent guys, maybe because they don't care? hehe) and probably have more confidence (at least apparantly), which I guess women like.So, ladies: Do you really prefer bad-guys over decent ones? If so, what is it that attract you towards these? (sometimes it seems like women prefer fooling around with bad-boys and then try to end up with a decent one).And yes, this was a terrible generalization! For the women that are offended by this question/generalization: Thanks! Good guys need women like you so that we can belive there still is hope for us... :)
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male
reader, als77 +, writes (25 January 2011):
als77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everone that contributed :)
I guess there is SOME truth in this afterall, at least for some people, but point taken for the distinction between SEEMING and BEING.
I guess my answer did imply that shy=nice, but I don't think this is a general rule.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Well, personally, I don't at all think that girls like bad boys. What you have to understand is that what it is you are and what it is you seem like are two different things. What it is you seem like is going to be dramatically different in the beginning stages of a relationship. I think that "bad boys" are just really really good at getting women, because they tend to be in and out of many different relationships so they're not sticking to one for long periods of time. Tons and tons of practice makes perfect I suppose. They seem charming and confident so chicks flock to them and think that they're perfectly nice. I don't think any girl would get with them if they knew how things would end up eventually. It's not some sort of vast conspiracy against nice guys. It really isn't. And it doesn't at all pay to think like this, it stinks of self-righteousness. You just need to get some skills with the girls and not make excuses. Some guys who get the girls are perfectly alright, so it doesn't make much sense to demonize them. I can't say I'm at all skilled(20, never had a girlfriend) but my friends have girlfriends and they're good guys so looking at them....this question doesn't hold much water. Another thing which bothers me is that this question implies that men are either losers or chauvinists, and women are little angels of virtue overpowered by the chauvinists. The thing is, some women are just a little unsettled themselves and they certainly have there own shit to work through. Some women can be outright evil too, my family has an unfortunate history of mental illness in it(bipolar mostly), seeing some of the little devils that my cousins and sisters can be or have been....and hearing some relationship horror stories from other guys.....yeah, women can be lying, promiscuous little cheaters too. Those type of girls will not only use guys, but will often be used by them.And the other thing that bothers me with this question is that it implies that shy = nice. The thing is, that isn't really true. You can be a little douchebag and be shy. I use to be a computer science major and many of the guys I went to classes with could be arrogant little shits if you ever got to know them despite otherwise being shy most of the time. Shyness means they don't show how they really are due to a lack of being able to express themselves which results from their nervousness. But if you crack open that shell what is revealed to you could either be either a shining beacon of AWESOME COOLNESS(one of the most astoundingly amazing people you will ever meet) or.....an arrogant little shithead. Shy does not equal nice. Shy COULD equal nice, but it doesn't always, shy people are a mixed bag like everyone else. I think they have a lot more astoundingly-amazing-oh-my-god people amongst them but they probably have more cynical shitheads amongst them too. My point is, the reality is a little more complex. I really don't like the implications of this question.
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A
female
reader, Gadgetgirl  +, writes (14 January 2011):
I personally prefer a perfect balance between "bad boy" and "nice guy". Bad enough to not care *at all* about what anyone thinks of him, and exciting enough to keep me interested, but nice enough to treat me and others quite well.
And to the point of "changing" a man, it does not and WILL NOT ever happen,*unless* he has good character to begin with. If he doesn't have good character, there is no hope for a healthy relationship with him or even a remote possibility that he can be changed to the degree that you think you could change him.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (14 January 2011):
Its the sense of adventure that they feel. Usually those who are bored with their own lives, or at least find them repetitive, seek some sort of solution for it that doesn't require a personality change on their part. Hollywood has continuously given the answer through many many movies: I still want to remain a good girl, but put some "spice" into my life, therefore I should find a man to be that spice.
But in the movies, while the bad boy is adventurous and exciting, he's always sweet and romantic in his own way. In real life, not so much. I know a handful of girls who would take the young stylish musician who's jobless and smokes over the clean cut nice guy with a steady income. Its the excitement and uncertainty that gets them giddy.
Plus theres a "hero" (or rather "heroine") complex hidden in there, since I know a lot of those girls think that they can be the one to "save" him. They'll take the wild stallion and tame him. They'll have the best of both worlds; the passionate fiery man as well as the sweet and caring noble.
Too bad real life is radically different :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Because people, especially when they are young, tend to mistake arrogance for confidence.
They eventually grow up and learn to tell the two apart.
Be a nice guy. If women don't swoon over you next to the guys that treat them like whores, then they are not worth the effort and deserve every bit of dissolutionment they will eventually feel one the Euphoria wears off.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): It's just nature. Bad boys have better genetics and nice guys are better father figures. So the ideal plan for women is to get pregnant with a bad boy when they are young and fertile. Then in a few years they will "grow out of him" and "settle down" after having several of his kids. Then she is "mature" and ready for a nice guy to do the work of raising those kids with her.
These days birth control interrupts some of the childbearing. But the stages in life when these attractions occur are still there. The most fertile young women like bad boys and women a few years older like nice guys.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): I agree I think "bad boy" just means "drama," and "drama" means excitement. I know guys who are attracted to girls who are "drama," and honestly it's not like they really understand why they're attracted. They say the girl seems exciting and passionate, but when you point out the baggage, they seem put off.
Same with bad boys. I think the drama part of it makes it exciting and you feel passionate. But when you think about the actual characteristics (asshole/jerk behavior) it's not very attractive.
Why are we like this? I blame movies. Ha. A movie has to have conflict and tension so that it can be resolved at the end and we're happy with how everything worked out. Unfortunately in real life, a resolution is not guaranteed! Maybe it's also like an addiction, we like the excitement/drama and even though we may know the person is not of good quality, OH well, enjoy the excitement while it lasts...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): I think it's a mistake to label people. That said, I have not been interested in bad boys. People usually have different qualities all at once. Some good/nice guys can turn out to be just as selfish and harmful as the “bad boys”.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Don't forget the challenge and eventual sense of accomplishment a woman can get from turning a jerk into a healthy adult. (Not that there's much chance of actually changing him.) That danged mothering instinct pulls many women towards bad boys instead of mature men.
But surely you understand. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. Have you ever wanted something until you actually got it? Jerks keep women chasing a dream, while nice (but usually dull) guys have no suspense, no fantasy of a perfect future, just the monotony of reality.
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female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 I have never liked bad boys. I think girls/women associate badness with excitement.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 January 2011):
 When I was young and immature, 'bad' boys were intriguing because they were unpredictable and made the heart pound. They were also usually very handsome, so they were nice to swoon over.
The thing about 'bad' boys is that they tend to be extremely selfish. Charming, perhaps, but selfish. And ultimately, that's really really boring and predictable.
What was appealing about them was that they had confidence in the themselves. There's nothing sexy about insecurity, really. Sean Connery as 007 vs. Woody Allen? No contest. Each extreme has its own drawbacks. Overly confident, self-indulgent and unreliable 'bad' boy vs. insecure, clingy and indecisive? Neither, thank you. I'll take the normal guy in the middle with a good sense of humor, the willingness to learn and be challenged and the guy who thinks that I am attractive just as I am.
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A
female
reader, curls-n-pearls +, writes (13 January 2011):
 " I see a strong relation between their "badness" and their success-rate..."
I think it may be to do with confidence. Often these type of boys have no problem approaching a girl, getting her number etc. When as other types can be more shy.
Obviously this is just a stereotype and isnt accurate.
I personally have never been attracted to 'bad boys' - in fact those are the kind of guys I purposely avoid. However it can also be personal preference as to which guys attract you.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 January 2011):
 They are often attracted to the charisma and borderline sociopathy that makes someone a "bad boy." It's funny because those traits are attractive despite people knowing they are bad for them.
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