A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do women who are very in need of a solid sex life, settle for men who are not the most sexual? I have seen so many couples lately in my circle of friends where there is a definite mismatch in sex drives, or in some cases, even sexual compatibility. My friends are pretty open about it, and have said things like "yeah, he has a small one, but it is OK" and "he only lasts 30 seconds". Funny thing is, they have been together for months or in a few cases, even years. And it's not like there is apparent love to counter the weak sexuality. And it aint the money. It just seems blah all around. Likewise, I'll hear about that guy who was awesome in bed, a "great screw" as my one female friend says, but these great lovers don't seem to stay in the picture more than a few days.I just find this puzzling. I know sex isn't everything, but I hear stuff like this all the time when I'm hanging out with them, and I'm like "so why the hell arent you with someone who rocks your world"?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 It's a matter of priorities.
I think nobody would turn down someone who is fantastic in bed AND also a true gentleman, a responsible,hard worker, a perspective good father, a kind,supportive companion, a fun, intelligent person etc.etc. But if all , or nearly all, they've got is a hot body and a good sex technique, these qualities , even if undoubtedly appreciable, are discarded in favour of other elements more useful in the long run. After all, age takes its toll on everybody, hair lines recede, testosterone decreases, prostate troubles show up .... it's very rare that at 60 a man is the same incandescent sex machine he was at 25. While, if he was a nice, decent guy he can still be the same until he dies.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): The big question, when you hear that kind of talk, is "What made that experience so great in bed?"It takes two people to have a great experience in bed.Great lovers aren't born, they are trained, and they are considerate.Masters and Johnson did some interesting research on this, and found that "great sex", the "truly great sex" was when dedicated committed partners engaged in sexual activity with each other.Good sex could even be with strangers, but the greatest sex was with the dedicated committed partner.IIRC the other thing they found was that "same sex" dedicated committed partners had the greatest level of reported sexual satisfaction reported when they studied these encounters. They believed that it was more likely than not because these partners had the greatest ability to understand the other partners sexual responses.I suspect that the greatest sexual experiences are ones that people simply don't talk about, with anyone other than their partner.I've known guys, and gals, who talked about how great someone was, only to find that they were having a lousy sex life, and the relationship ended because of that and many other issues.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): No, a woman's primary motivation is not to build nests and make babies (men like to think so because it makes them think we want them more than we actually do). When we do have families we don't allow beer, porn and video games to take priority over everything else.
We have a more practical view of sex. It does not dominate our thoughts and lives the way it seems to do for men.
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 Did you ever wonder if these guys left those girls that's why they did not last?If given a choice, ofcourse a woman would want one who is so great in bed. But most of the guys who are so good in this department are also players. They just had too much experience to master the activity and most of the time, these guys themselves would leave the woman. A woman who experiences this would most likely learn the lesson and would choose to be wiser next time. Thus the qualities they look for in a man does not end up with sex only. Being great in bed is just a bonus for a woman but what is a must is a man who can love her and make her feel like the queen of his world.Also, sex is important, yes, but a woman most of the time will not think about her guy in terms of sex. She will think of him as to how he takes care of her and of how he shows he loves her. Most woman if not all would wish for a guy who loves them sincerely and not wish for a man who will make them scream in bed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): It's a choice I made based on the fact that I could find anyone who could 'rock my world', but a true love, chemistry, best friend and great conversation is difficult to find. It's the person I fell in love with and want to stay with, not the performer in bed :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): I would say that a guy who is really "great" in that area may not be so great in other areas. I am lucky because my husband is good compatability to me in both attitude and in the bedroom. I tell him that I am lucky to have him, too. A Cassanova in the bed may be a jerk otherwise. Or maybe he is full of himself and thinks he is the gift to all women, so he has a lot of girls on the side. Maybe he is not as intelligant or acts immature and so it's fun to have a fling but you don't want him to talk to you for too long. Also you need to have other interests with a guy because for long lasting relationships you can't just have that one good quality.Also, maybe in the beginning things were different in the bedroom. But after several years of marriage everyone starts to get a little "same old thing" feelings.
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A
male
reader, mistermann  +, writes (31 August 2011):
You said it yourself, sex isn't everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): It is simply a coincidence that they arentsexually compatible. My fiance and I are totally compatible, but I think sometimes women prioritize other characteristics and qualities in a man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): A woman's primary motivation is to build a nest, so they often look for a man who won't stray, who is a good provider, and a doting father. That guy who is a Superman Lover in the sack probably has a proclivity for sleeping with many women; this is obviously something that can compromise this nest that women work so hard at creating.
But there is a little caveat that a lot of these "nice guys" fail to take into account. These same women who long for great sex but end up settling with some vanilla accountant type of guy often end up cheating with a loverboy on the side by the time they hit forty. Divorce? Hell no! They want it all. I don't mean to gender stereotype women, but a lot of them are a confused bunch - it's a strong financially secure husband one day but a wild lover the next decade.
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A
female
reader, LoveWiz +, writes (31 August 2011):
 Women like me weigh the options. It's like pro and con. One guy has a great drive, but his personality sucks. But another doesn't has as much drive, while, personality wise, their a match made in Heaven. It's what's important to the woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): The women friends you speak of are more in need of a solid life than a solid sex life, hence their choice in men.
That 'rock your world sex' you refer to is nice now and then, but it doesn't help pay the bills and raise the kids.
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