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*www.datinghaven.com
writes: This is a question aimed at women (however, men are just as welcome to reply)Why do girls choose the bad boys?I mean why do you pick those that treat you like shit and play/cheat on you then those that respect and are honest to you?One thing I guess is that those bad boys are bigheaded heaps on shit (sorry people), makes first move and full of confidence and i guess the more gentleman type are more shy and dont make first moves oftenI'm sure that not every female by a long chalk choose the bad ones, but it would be great if some of you can explain this and give like past experiences of why.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): I know, that in my situation, it's not "bad boys" that are attractive.... it's more tough guy and/or emotionally neutral who then opens up to that particular person.I think people like exclusivity... it's a side of someone only they see, that only they experience. They get the thrill of the bad boy, but also his love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I like the bad boys, but not the type that treat me bad. It's the criminal type I like. A masculine bad a** who will kick a** to protect me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Well I have been in a long term committed relationship with a nice guy, who also happens to be relatively "quiet" for 10 years now. He is great, and I cant imagine life without him, but there have never really been "butterflies".
I met a young guy online who is a "bad boy". We never met but we spoke an awful lot for several months. At the beginning we couldnt turn the computer off, sacrificing sleep, other committments and sometimes not even noticing mealtimes. we used to talk about how "addictive" it was to talk to each other - but the fact that we were in an online "romance" was never discussed. we just spoke about being "close friends".
I used to see that he would treat others badly, but he always treated me very well - this made me feel "special" and was exciting. I never really had a courtship with my partner, or my ex partner, so i felt like i was getting those things from him. I have never actually felt so happy in my life as i did in the early days of it. Then, he started to lose respect for me, and as soon as he did this he would say outrageously disrespectful/mean things to me every now and again. I would try to ignore it, thinking that if i didnt achknowledge it, it wasnt true, and we could carry on as we were. The truth was, he felt that he had "conquered" me, was bored, and wanted to move on and was just being his "bad boy" self. By that i mean that he generally doesnt treat people very well, I had temporarily been the "exception" when i was a thing of wonder to him, but after he had gotten to know me, i came under the same category as everyone was else, and he treated me like dirt whenever he felt like it.
Although I still "bump into him" online and I will always reply if he messages me, its not the same - though I still find his mind and thoughts fascinating, I dont feel lifted up by him, rather i feel dragged down/ashamed that im putting up with his attitude when i speak to him. My friends keep telling me to keep away, but i just cant. The truth is no one has ever got me into a state where i can think about no one but that one person.
In fact, I still think about him at random times during the day, wishing that i could have back what i had all those months ago.
I feel like i havent actually cheated on my partner as i never told this other guy how i felt, and the conversation was always totally "platonic" but I do feel rather pathetic. And when i think about the age difference between me and this other guy, I'm certain that if i ever met him in person i could never ever bring myself to actually do anything with him (dont worry he is legal though, hehe)
So, to summarise my answer to this question, i was attracted to my "bad boy" primarily because of the fact i really really enjoyed his company, but also his confidence made me feel like he would stand up for me, and i liked that. And the fact that he treated me with respect whilst disrepecting others made me feel special. Looks werent an issue for me as i still have no idea what he looks like (he has seen a picture of me and was fairly insulting about it - i know , i know im pathetic...)
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reader, Angelripper  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 I've always fallen for 'bad boys', but that's because I'm a 'bad girl' myself. But in the end, these are all just petty labels. I know this, because despite me being a 'bad girl', I'm quite possibly the nicest, most compassionate, giving and caring individual you'll meet -- it's just the lifestyle that I lead that would make it seem different: I like to party a lot, go to metal shows, pretty much I just love living fast (although I'm not really promiscuous). I need someone who can keep up with me, and someone who's considered a 'good boy' would just slow me down.
But every guy I have been in a relationship with, despite this 'bad boy' image he projects (long hair, tattoos, hard living), they are so gentle, sweet, loving, generous and honest ... they are amazing, and are really good guys. I would never stay in a relationship with a guy who doesn't respect me, lies to me constantly, cheats on me, or whatever else the definition of a 'bad boy' would be. They never mistreat out in public to prove their superiority or authority or whatever over me. They are just very, very lovely men, that can stand up for themselves and believe in themselves, so I don't have to stand up for them myself because they're too wimpy. I guess it's because I myself know that I am a very strong woman, and need someone who will be as strong if not stronger than I. After all, I don't want to be the man in the relationship!!
- The Resident Metalhead
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Hi, I'm a really nice guy, and i find it practically impossible to get girls into bed .. it sucks big time .. but I have to reply to the lady who said this "i only like bad boys because they are more spontaneous and are great and willing to try anything in bed." - this is pure bullshit, as I'm fantastic in bed .. and trust me, if you meet me you'd probably would even notice me .. let me tell you about the number of girls that have brushed me off, only to eventually sleep with me .. and then beg me for more. Lately i've been thinking there are two stages with women, the interview stage, and the job. I'm shit at the interview, i.e. picking up the ladies, but on the job, i'm a star performer. Anyway that's enough of a rant from me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): Women who are considered "Hot,beautiful,attractive" tend to attract a lot of attention from guys. It becomes too easy for them just to ignore the guys. Its in their nature. They can't help it. Their programmed to do so. A "bad boy" comes along and doesn't give them their undivided attention that they so deserve. Women start to question there looks, and want to attract this individual. I personally think its a matter of low self-esteem. A confident, attractive, smart women is more desirable than just a pretty face.
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reader, hurtandbitter  +, writes (12 September 2008):
In my opinion it's a matter of confidence. From experience I would think girls are attracted to the confidence and not the fact that he is wearing a headband or he has tattoos or acts all hood and gansta', but I can't know specifically, I'm not a girl. There are such things as "good" or "bad" boys, it's how you treat the girls that makes the difference.
I have a couple of friends who act nice and smile around a girl a lot and treat them with respect (well all the way to the one-night-stand) They act very confident around a girl and they do very well picking attractive girls. The only downfall to that is that they have low self esteem (they're sissies in another term) and in order to gain that confidence in the first place they trick their guy friends into putting them down so they can come off as the better guy. It has happened to me more than once with both of these guys and I've been to the point where I've even threatened them I would beat them to a pulp next time it happened.
Then I have friends who are assholes to girls and they do well in picking them up too. They make fun of them or put them down and that seems to make them even more attracted to the guy.
However if you're way too confident and don't watch what you say you come off as an annoying asshole or pervert.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): This is a dumb question because there really are no "good" or "bad" boys, theres just a bunch of horney human males. "Good boys" and "Bad boys" are just labels that are put on a guy based on how many girls he gets. Lets face girls think all players are "bad boys" (even though i think im a good boy). What i'm trying to get at is that bad boys are considered bad not just because we can get alot girls but because we do; therefore the very question "why do girls choose bad boys?" is like asking "why do girls usually choose the guy who they usually choose?". The question seems irrational now, its like asking "why is a brick wall made from bricks?" Because a property of brick walls are that they are made from bricks, just as a property of being a bad boy is frequently being chosen by women. Ok well you might be tempted to refute my definition of "bad boys", but in my defense can you name a "bad" boy who doesn't get a lot of girls. The weird smelly kid in school is a bad boy because he doesn't conform to social hygienic standards , but when he walks by the group of cheerleaders they don't say in a sexy voice "hes so bad", like when A.C. Slater walks by after pulling up in a harley. (poor example i know). "Bad" boy, just has a sexual connotation attached to the "bad" actions. And i forgot to metion that of course there are "good" boys who can get girls, but the reason girls do not choose them is because they are a rarity. If "good" boys who could get girls decided to make themselves more available to a wider variety of girls (so girls could more frequently get good boys), the "Good boys" would become players and thus become "bad" boys. Whatever though im over this good and bad boy jargin and perfectly content with have frequent random hookups because im afraid of commitment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): It seems to me that it simply comes down to men projecting self confidence in one form or another. Women are sub consciously attracted to this self confidence because it reflects the man's own self analysis of himself. The higher self analysis, as judged against the world around him, the higher his self confidence will be. The male usually finds this confidence by either being of good physical specimen or by acquiring wealth, power, etc. shit like that. The attraction to this confidence is an easy way for women to sort out the men who's offspring will be more likely to survive against those who's wouldn't. In a sense, men are subconsciously weeding themselves out of the gene pool. For example, a man that has trouble with acquiring wealth and status will naturally have a lower emission of confidence which in turn reflects that his children may have the same problems that he has, thus less likely to thrive. Women can easily read these indicators and naturally move on.
Not to be in any way racist, if anything this is a positive attribute, it seems from my observations, African-Americans regardless of their status, wealth, physical features, etc.., they continuously project a high level of self confidence across the board. Thus in many ways projecting a false sense of confidence to the sub conscience of many women. Altimately, getting them in the sack. Life is interesting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): I found somewhat of an answer....so that's what women wantconfident, not really intrested in them types, be challenging to them, and what if i don't want to be challenging or want to be intrested ????, wtf no wonder they are misrable later.I'm a nice guy, though i will say my mind, often. i try to be as tactful as possible. But lets just say i have no luck with women. like my first and only relationship ended up her cheating on me and stuff like that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): Bad boys are cute, but a good guy who is just as attractive (and obviusly nice) would DEFINITELY get my vote. Then again, maybe that's because I'm quite shy and don't need/expect popularity myself.I guess it's the thought of getting chosen by the guy (who is generally strong, attractive - which is what makes him arrogant, and exciting). However, like I said, you don't have to be bad to be exciting... I could never live with someone unless they were nice anyway :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): why would someone kall u that kind of name.u must refuse it bluntly .cant i be independent.vibrate more or less. can i take more or less .i not a fast typist for ya information.i i'm just doin it coz i'm told to do so.pple gat to keep their mind focus on wat they want or lss they wont get it . pple wko pursue money could really get the money but does who are more relaxed and focued somethimes make more money than them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Personally I never stopped and thought in my decision of choosing a man whether I wanted a "bad" or a "good" boy. What women or I personally want and have been very unsucceful in finding was a man with "Strength of Character." A man that knows what he wants and that will keep his word and do what he says. Unfortunately most of these men end up being the "bad" boy. My initial attraction was never that I wanted a "bad" boy but my admiration for his strength of character. Regardless of how independent women are they want someone that they feel will be there for them, is capable of taking care of them and most of all will not allow anyone to hurt or mess with her. Unfortunately the bad boys are the ones that end up hurting you themselves. My advice to the good guys would be to not be afraid to put yourself out there. Have your own opinions NOT MINE! Spend quality time with me but also have a life of your own. Never fail to let us know you are thinking of us during that golf game or whenever. Women like communication!!!!! When a woman has a problem she wants to know that you feel confident in her abilities to take care of it BUT make sure she knows that if she needs you to step in or you feel the need to step in that you will do so. And most of all show self confidence and stop being jealous of the bad guys that everyone says we want so bad. All we really want is someone to love us, protect us and show us the respect we need but to let us be the individuals that we are and for them to be the individuals that they are. We really are not as complex as what you think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2007): To my understanding younger women are attracted to bad boys, older women are more attracted to either the nice guy or the rich guy. of course these are loose catagories. It is actually quite simple, it is basic human nature. Women like a person that exudes confidence ( doesn't have to be a bad boy) because inside each woman is a girl who needs to feel secure and is looking for an alpha male, think pack animals Wolves, lions ect. If a girl talks to you and you are coy she might not conciously think of you as weak, but sub conciously her mind will be telling her if the shit goes down he is going to be the first person hiding, so she feels that you are not man enough. plus as she gets older and is like yeah the bad boy doesn't treat me well, and thinks she is stepping up she actually will then be attracted to men with money and that is because in the world of adults the one with more money has more power and the cycle continues itself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): thats a very good question. i only like bad boys because they are more spontaneous and are great and willing to try anything in bed. but they can get you into trouble and make you feel low. i think that us women shouldnt let it get too far as in get emotionally attached and spend too much time with a bad boy to avoid that and that we should only use them for a little fun. but in the end if we're looking for someone to settle down with and get married, we should look for a good guy, to be sure that we're going to live happily.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2006): I always thought it was because of all the excitement and romantic adventure that was involved, and the romantic appeal. Me being somewhat single, I'd always backed off and left the women alone because of this, and also because these badboys can get somewhat violent and psychotic.
Having said that, I don't believe that really many women ever actually stop pursuing bad boys until it really starts hurting them or comes close to killing them. A prime example of this is at one of my ex-jobs:a young woman who already had 3 children with one on the way, one of the fathers in jail and her calling up more a-holes on her cellphone. One day she sat next to me at lunch. I didn't know whether to pity her or get sick.
Another example: I was out on a walk one evening. I noticed a woman sitting at a bus stop. Said woman had beer cans all around her, smoking cigarettes and coughing and hacking her damn head off. The point I'm trying to hopefully make here is that while I'm more sure of the first and not too sure of the second, both these women choose to pursue bad boys. See what it can do for all you women out there? Sure you can say," It would never happen to me,"or "I'm going to keep pursuing bad boys and never stop," or even "Mind your own damn business."
I'm no expert, so even I have no clear cut reason as to why women chose to pursue these kinds of guys (or maybe not be interested in anyone). As I've said I'm a single guy, not "nice" persay, but try good and decent, and been single for most of my life. I guess what I'm trying to say is if all you rather ignorant and pathetic chose to pursue is "bad boys" and "jerks" rather than give someone like me a chance ( I could give someone excitement, but reasonable and realistic of course), all I can say is: good luck. Damn if you ain't gonna need it.
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reader, mystify +, writes (21 March 2006):
 good guys sre not nessasarily wimpy or ugly just as bad boys are not all attractive or full of themselves, i can tell you from my experience that i am not actually attracted to "bad boys" sometimes i get tangled up with one because it all starts out sweetness and roses, then their true personality comes out and ive already fallen then the way they treat me mean has a knock on my confidence they lead me to believe i would be nothing without them.
i would say my husband can be a bit of a bad boy, but he hid it well to start with , but it has nothing to do with being over confident he actually has quite a low self esteem.
what i was realy looking for was a gentleman who would treat me kind and caring, thats what i find really sexy.
well my opinion is that women dont nessasarily find bad boys attractive they find individual men attractive but sometimes that happens to be a bad boy , but they think they will change etc..
but i wouldnt say that they all turn out to be bad boys alot are decent men .
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2006): I will tell you why. Women are terrified of being with a boring, wimpy guy. They are attracted to strength...not necessarily muscle, but spirit. Also, women like to utilize the beauty that they have been conditioned by society and nurture to compete for a "challenge" -not a guy who is easily caught. Why do you think women are prone to trying to take other women's men? It validates their beauty. On a different tact, some women like the jerks because they "know" deep down that they WILL NOT have a chance of a permanent relationship. (self-destructive tendency -or self-preservation/validation of low self-esteem by sabotage) Example: My ex-GF is terrified of being in another long term relation, so she is only into guys that are not candidates for LT relations. Also, women and men tend to copy the chaos that they observed in their childhood watching how their parents related. In Taiwan, many people still subscribe to not marrying a woman with divorced parents. It's considered "bad luck". (In reality, how would she know a normal lifestyle?) People tend to re-create what they saw as "normal" growing up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): I'm 26. I am searching the internet now trying to find the answer myself. Looks like my second relationship is ending because he is just another larger than life bad boy, that i accept a year or two later is really nothing much else than a short tempered, selfish bully. I am scared that I am never going to find anyone because the only men I am initially attracted too are these larger than life 'geezer' kind of men. I am looking for answers to stop this from happening to me again...It has definitely got to be something to do with me for going for these types. Why don't I find the nice shy ones attractive?? Its ruining my life and its now really getting to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2006): Bad boys are more exciting. Usually more attractive, and theres nothing more that keeps us good girls around than a bad boy who just doesnt give a F***. Honestley the more interst a guy shows, the less I want to be around him. The bad boys know how to ignore you, and sadly it makes you want them even more. Plus okay lets just be honest, bad boys are sooooo much better in the bedroom =).
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2005): I am 16 and I used to wonder why girls wanted bad boys but now I know because gentlemen are usually guys who wont stand up for their girl or themselves. Besides the bad boys are always WAY HOTTER.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): Missy-this is a joke, right? I read your posting and you have me really, really worried, girl. I think you have a case of misguided affection and you need to mature to the point where you might like yourself. I know that may sound harsh, but I have heard so many stories involving young men like the ones you've described, and it is my experience and my friends’ experiences-these guys just never, ever change. They are walking "nightmares".I think you need to sit down and think long and hard about what you’re gaining from these relationships with the typical 'bad boy'. Honestly, he’s not very mature if he has to resort to treating you like crap all the time. Why don't you uphold more self-value in yourself and refuse to be treated this way? Is the price of lessened low self-esteem and the BS you have to endure..really worth the excitement and challenge. I mean...c'mon, girl! Where's your frickin pride?To the rest of you reading this, I have something to say about 'nice guys'. Nice guys don't finish last, passive, shy guys finish last. Never put "nice" in the same category as "passive/shy". There's a big difference. A loud and brash "jock" who asks a girl out on a date may or may not be nice, but he will always get more dates than the "nice guy" who just watches from afar. Healthy self-confidence, high self-esteem is crucial. You have to be noticed to finish first. It is probably every passive guy's fantasy that the beautiful girl in school will come ask him out, but unfortunately it is just a fantasy. So nice guys can finish first-I know I have one of them and it's wonderful!
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reader, missy +, writes (17 October 2005):
well
i am the biggest sucker for badboys.It happens sometimes I hear about boys talking about some boy thats a real bad fella and secretly in my mind I want to be with them.I think its the thought of somebody who doesn't love anyone loving me.Theres an excitement when i kiss him as i know its wrong.I come from a very respectable family who would die if they ever knew who i had went out with. Its true the fella im with now cheats on me all the time rings me when it suits him.he even got himself a girlfriend when i was seeing him and i still met him even though he kept going on to me about how much he loved his girlfriend.ive had previous experiences with bad boys and yet here i am with a badboy again. i am a goodlooking girl and could have any fella but yet i am drawn to the badfella and spend all my money on him buying him drink all the time and credit.theres also the shock factor i am a professional and i love to see peoples faces drop when i walk into a bar with him.I think for a girl it starts off with just a fling and no intention of a relationship.but the badboy always lets on he wants a relationship.as girls do they fall in love with this idea and fall in love with the badboy.then the badboy treats them like dirt when they know they have you and the girl just can't walk away its like an addiction. i wish i could walk away but theres an element of fear in me as i am sure this badboy will badmouth me and tell my personal secrets to everyone that i have confided in him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2005): The sexual appeal, the masculine confidence, the assertion of power, the machismo swagger, the big white smile..all can work for the bad boy, especially in the beginning of a relationship (it's the secret to how a lot of men get a lot of one night stands). But it is also a fact that some women can't tell the difference between put-on machismo, that is often a mask for extreme lack of confidence, and real manhood in these guys. The bad boy jerks are "nightmares" and I look at it this way.. I uphold my values, I respect myself as a smart, nice woman and knowing a bad boy doesn't value himself, thus I will not waste my time on an insecure man. He's not worth the trouble. I feel 'bad boys' atttract women who don't uphold a lot of respect for themselves or they would never allow themselves to be treated like shit, in the first place. Sadly, some woman will go for years believing that her 'bad boy' lover's redemption is just around the corner, letting him wipe his boots on her. She feels alternately thrilled by his power and tortured by the length of time it's taking for him to start giving her the love she's "owed" for all the dirt on her back. If she leaves him now, she's admitting he wasn't worth it. She can't do that, can she? Surely he's going to come around any day now. So...do some women "want" to be degraded? Yes. Do some women "want" to be ordered around? Yes. Do some women "want" to be treated like they know nothing? Yes. And that is so, so sad!
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (11 October 2005):
Woah! thanks for the replies...But whats the stereotype about that those that treat women properly are fat and ugly, and the ones that treat women crap are good looking??I'm talking about people who are "good" not DESPERATE men who are clingy and have to be OVER nice just to keep a girl.Its quite funny, because where i live there is a spell of "looks are nothing, personality are everything" yet no bad boi has a good personality even if some have the looks: and most are ugly as f**k anyway.People can both have good personalities and good looks you know, OK some ugly people have the worlds best personalities and some of the sexiest people dont have a personality (to speak of).I think stuff has got mis-defined...I aint talking about bad boiz Vs. Geeks; im talking about gentlemen Vs. thugs!!
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reader, Delila +, writes (11 October 2005):
Women choose the bad/goodlooking boys, the more gentlemanly/ugly type get left behind! The same is could be said when it comes to men choosing women, the goodlooking/bitches get the guys first and the ugly/nice girls are left behind, I just think that guys have a problem accepting the fact the looks are important to women when it comes to going out with guys.
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reader, Delila +, writes (11 October 2005):
Well I think there are many layers to this, The first thing I think of is that a lot of women have had pretty distant relationships with their fathers and often go for a man who is just as emotionally unavailable as thier dad was when they were growing up. This is true especially with younger women. Second the real rides(goodlooking guys) are usually more confident because they have no problem getting the girls and they can have their pick. There are guys out there that are rides (goodlooking) and are nice and are confident and strong too. We women keep looking hoping to find one. Ugly guys are often really clingy cos once they get with you they are afraid they won't be able to get anyone else. Desperation is such a big turn off! Sorry to say guys that looks are important to female too, we don't notice bald fat old guys untill they do something that gets us to notice them. Once we are in love , just like the guys, looks aren't all that important , we will still love our man after he has lost his hair and put on a few pounds, but it doesn't stop us checking out the young gorgeous guys with hair and tight butts. Also women who are ovulating tend to go for the alpha male, simply because they make better babies, this has been proven scientifically. A woman will then like to settle down with a good provider, usually the steady beta male, but she will often feel like straying during ovulation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2005): The girl is right. Women want guys that are challenging. They don't want some soft wussy guy who calls her every 2 hours to say that he misses her. You can still be a shy gentleman who is mysterious and challenging. Every guy has a line that's drawn. Draw your own. Be a challenge. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2005): Most women are attractted to "bad boys".. I must agree with you there because I think they prove more of a challenge to us women. Women like a man that can stand up for himself and not put up with any of our crap. I think it proves him to be strong,masculine and much more exciting to have around.
The nice polite guys who have no backbone are really rather "boring". Lets face it we all love a challenge!
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