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writes: Okay...So i just have a question in general. Why do women complain about they're Love watching porn or anything else for that matter to porn? It's like such a big deal, oh no. But theres so many women out there who do it themselves.I have been with dearcupid since 08' and i have not read one question about a guy complaining about theyre Love doing it. Though i could be wrong.So, prove me wrong.I just find it interesting thats all.SO! 1. Why do women complain about it?2. Why does it matter?Its a damn fantasy.3. ...I dont get it. Its pointless.I do get that its another girl and that crap but honestly....ITS NOT LIKE HE'S ACTUALLY SCREWING THE CHICK! Though, sure your right there if he wanted so yeah i guess itd annoy anyone, but i mean still!Thank you, xoxo
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): WOMEN complain cuz they are hurt, it is degrading to women, it shows no respect towards us when you have to look at other women to get off. And yeah, it is a fantasy, guys have told me b4 they look at these women in Mags & dvds and they **picture themselves fu&^ing these chicks**, just the thought of THAT makes me sick, and don't tell me that when the guy is having sex with me, parts of his fantasy and porn do NOT pop into his mind, well it does! and all cuz of a lil' "cheap thrill"......that is why i do not like porn, it takes away from the 2 of us and adds another dimension.
Maybe check out the DR Phil website and get his take on Porno and relationships.........its not cool!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel critisized for asking now!I just asked a simple question! aaaahh.Oh well...
Curiousity killed the cat. Satisfaction brought him back.
Xoxo Thaank youuu
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female
reader, sugarcandy  +, writes (9 November 2010):
I have ZERO problem with porn.
My boyfriend watches it whenever he feels like it.
I watch it whenever I feel like it.
Sometimes we watch it together.
For me there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Cerberus Raphael is right on target here. In fact he is 1000% correct. I was also impressed with the response by the male anon poster who was also spot on.I do not believe that only 'insecure' women are troubled by their lover/spouse using porn and I do not believe that its root lies in their poor self esteem over their own bodies. In fact, I have come to the conclusion that it is the exact reverse. Furthermore, that it is the women who accept this from their men who may have issues with self worth.Let me explain.I am not insecure when I expect that my mate made a decision to commit himself to me when we married. That meant that he chose me. I chose him. I am beautiful and comfortable with myself. I know who I am. I am not comfortable being with a man who does not know himself... and porn fits in nicely with guys who don't want to live in reality full time.If I have to live in reality, I want company.I make demands and have standards because I value myself, my life, my mate and my relationship. I also never set my sights on spending a lifetime with someone who cannot grow up, make up his mind, or be genuine. Porn is the dumbing down of male sexuality. Any man who settles for fast food 24/7 has issues... porn is the fast food of his sexuality. It's fast, cheap and not very good for you.I know, with absolute certainty, that I have no difficulty attracting and keeping a man in my life. I never have. Why should I settle... why should ANY woman settle for less? I view settling, not wanting to rock the boat... as a sign of a woman who doesn't think she can expect devotion and truth from her lover. I see the women who just turn a blind eye under the auspices that... "hey, he comes home to me..." the dumbing down of female sexuality... as the ultimate signal that that woman doesn't think she's worth very much. In fact, she may not even think she's worth a man behaving himself.Yes, behaving himself. The whole idea of commitment is TO BE COMMITTED. Otherwise, we're just dancing around technicalities, dumbing things down to the point whereby a woman is happy with her fella doing everything sexually in his thoughts and heart (intent) with other women, just as long as his physical dick hasn't been anyplace else.Holy crap.Nope. I mind if my guy is dreaming of being someplace else. Then... why the hell am I around? Go find the girl of your dreams... In life, we have to make choices. Go right or left. Marry and commit or be single. When we do make a choice, we've made it... and the person we have chosen is entitled to sincerity. I personally do not settle for insincerity. I do not settle for a man who perceives being married to me the functional equivalent of being on a diet... denying himself that ice cream he salivates over. Yeah, I read all of these posts about men not minding their women watching porn with them or, for that matter, when alone.And they don't mind... because its on their turf.. their terms. Their field.I wonder how the men would feel about their woman having muscle magazines out, their own stash of cool guy porn, their 'favorites', vibrators for the purpose of simulating sex with the guy, making eyes at hot guys while with their fella... the list goes on. Let's add cheating, and then getting lap dances from guys who are half naked. No.. I don't have to really wonder. I bet the guy would develop ED in a heartbeat, feel completely unwanted and emasculated, and wonder why his girl is dwelling on other guys when he is there for her. I bet he wouldn't feel loved, wanted, sexually accepted, or even trust that she is sincere.If the only way the guy in my life can handle being with me is if he has the 'outlet' of taking a fantasy vacation from me... with Jenna Jameson... then maybe he needs to take a permanent vacation.Now, I'd love to hear how that is based in my insecurity, lack of self worth, or insecurity in my body image. I know who I am and what I am. I know my worth. That's why I don't settle for less.And anyone who compares jerking off to a cum shot, anal sex, etc... to fashion magazines or romantic movies... has issues in understanding proportion and subject matter. Shoes and hollywood stars is not the same subject matter as anal sex or gang bang/porn. Sorry. It isn'tAnd no. Jerking off to someone being screwed in every orifice is not the same as plain ol' masturbation. AND NO, men do not REQUIRE a visual stimulation in order to jerk off. The only thing the visual does is allow him a pathway to imagine he's doing it with someone else.Nope. I don't want a guy who is just 'technically' with me. I want him the same way he has me.
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female
reader, yourwifey +, writes (8 November 2010):
I only am bothered by it because my husband is addicted and it is ridiculously excessive I wish he was just a normal guy with it
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): I personaly wouldn't have a problem with a boyfriend watching porn as long as it wasn't any illegal stuff or something.Some women are insecure about themselves, their appearence etc... and sometimes think that if their partner is looking at this stuff then they think that they might not be good enough.As long as it wasn't being kept a secret and they weren't watching it for hours a day i really don't have any issues with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): I am someone who has struggled with porn and it's damaging effects on relationships. I have seen it cause huge problems (because of lying and hiding it, as well as insecurities on her part), and we had eventually figured out how to live with it - by that, I mean it didn't matter if I looked at porn, it didn't effect my relationship with her.It's different for any relationship, and should be a topic of discussion I think for any couple. Everyone has their own set of values, and the way they want to live....For me, the key answer here is to flip it on yourself; if you were with a girl you loved, and she looked at porn a lot, of all sorts of other guys ... I feel like I would start to feel the way that many of these girls feel. I would start to feel insecure, not good enough, worry that she didn't desire me. I don't want to think about my lover enjoying watching and touching herself to big, muscley pornstars, when I'm just me.I have also found, when I look at porn and am in a relationship with a girl, there is less room in my head for the girl I love, because I'm spending so much time actively looking for and watching/enjoying images of other women. Given the choice, I'd rather feel that much more dedicated, and connected to the girl I'm with, and give her more room in my head ... assuming were talking about a committed relationship, here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLol alrighty, i was just wondering is all.
Thanks cupids.
And thanks Cerberus_Raphael for the add in return.
xoxo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Because sometimes pornography will make an unsure woman/girl an insecure one. Or a self conscience girl even more so. A lot of woman have insecurities about their bodies and if they are desirable to their partners and all porn tends to do to thoseof us who aren't so sure of ourselves feel even worse. If, in the future, your girl is hurt by it, just believe her and give her respect to not make her worry if she's being compared to plastic, unrealistic barbi dolls, which none of us are but she will think thats she has to be, which, like I said, none of us ever are.
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 A man would not openly tell someone they love that they are uncomfortable with porn (most of the men I know). There are a few people who are comfortable with letting all others know that they are uncomfortable with porn.
In school, there was a group of friends including me and we all used to lounge about the top floor in the corner of the open basketball court every break or lunch talking about anyting we found interesting and sex became the topic on more than one occasion. A friend of mine declared that he had seen pornography, he knows what it is but he does not enjoy it and for a while he was met with disbelief and a certain amount of ridicule. It was interesting to watch that happen because no one believed him (there were no girls around so I would not know how they would have reacted. I doubt they would have cared). My best friend said that it was quite unlikely.
The point of this is, not many men complain about pornography because a lot of them do it. The small number of men that DO feel uncomfortable are often fearful of appearing ridiculous, especially when they think a woman assumes that most if not all men look at pornography. Other people may have different views and I am almost confident that there will be people who disagree with me but that is my opinion nonetheless for your analysis.
I hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see how its disrespectful and can irritate a woman. It is just a fantasy about another girl so yes i see where your coming from Cerberus_Raphael. Like i said, i undertand why itd be annoying but i still dont see a guy complaining.
It is harsh of guy to imagin another women who is most likely mostly plastic and that crap.
I was just wondering. Ive never been in this position soooo i wouldn't personally know. Im only 15 lol.
xoxo Thank you cupids
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 November 2010):
 This is a very complex question and it is different for everyone.
The core reasons I've found that women get upset about their partner's porn use are these:
-Lies. Their partner lies about it and hides it. Sometimes even when the women have accepted that he'll use it, he still lies and says he doesn't or won't. It becomes hard to trust someone when they lie about something so trivial.
-Jealousy. Some women really hate the fact that their partner gets off by watching other women. While this jealousy is often quite irrational, it doesn't change how they feel. Even if they know it's irrational they can't help it. They just don't like it.
-Insecurity. They are insecure in themselves and about their relationship. Because of this, their partner's porn use feels like they are being cheated on. They also wonder if they are good enough for their partner since they don't look like the girls in the porn he's using to get off.
-Addiction. Some men are addicted to porn and masturbation. They will actually turn away sex from a willing partner and turn to porn and masturbate instead. This is a real problem in some relationships and shouldn't be taken lightly.
-Hatred of the industry. Some women feel that the porn industry is evil and that it is damaging to women. Any man that they are with should respect women enough to know this.
Porn is a fantasy, but one that uses real people to portray it. While these people are willing participants, there is a lot of porn out there that is degrading and it is understandable that it upsets people, especially women. You also see many men trying to get their partners to do the things they see in porn. It can damage their relationships because some men also change how they have sex with their partner.
In an ideal world, this wouldn't be a problem. Sadly, this isn't an ideal world. Not everyone can separate fantasy from reality. Not everyone can keep their porn use from interfering with their every day lives. Not everyone can be honest and open about it.
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reader, Elydiese  +, writes (3 November 2010):
do you know i am so glad to see this question because my views are exactly the same as yours. I watch porn not all the time but sometimes but i mean if my boyfriend was bothered by it i'd just stop watching it. I think women who are strictly against it are insecure and have trust issues. If their boyfriends were going to cheat they'd go out and do it not sit and get off to the computer
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (3 November 2010):
Before making judgements, sit down and quietly try to understand it. Let us see this from the perspective of a woman who despises her lover watcing porn.
Why does anyone want a committment? A woman loves a man because he is special to her, he makes her happy in one way or another and presumably the man obviously loves that woman in the same way. They are devoted to each other and would never leave the other one.
When you love someone, you want to make them happy. You want to know that they are smiling because of you. So when some women complain about their lover watching porn it is because the man is in a state of ecstasy.
Let us continue understanding what happens when a man watches pornography. He is in a unique state in which adrenaline, dopamine and testosterone cause him to be immersed in his own erotic fantasy. It is general knowledge nowadays that pornography has the same effect on viewers as cocaine has on users. If a boyfriend or husband of yours was addicted to cocaine, would you be happy knowing that it affects how he behaves around you?
It makes the woman feel as though she is not good enough to please him and give him that rush of pleasure he seeks. Have you ever felt as though you are not good enough? Is that a good feeling?
There are women who fall deep into depression because their husbands refuse to at least make an effort to cease his endless viewing of pornography. It is so easy to end up addicted to such a thing. Many men claim that they are not addicted but they are, they just cannot see it. Many men will tell you "everyone does it" or even "it's perfectly normal". It is in no way normal simply because everybody does it. A whole fraction of the world is racist, does that mean racism is right simply because there are more than a handful of people who do it? 1 in 6 women AREN'T raped, does that mean that the rapists are right to do it? You think me a fool using drastic examples but the essence of those examples stand clear. The whole world could become a mob of murderous fools and I would not follow. So a husband attempting to tell his wife "everybody does it" is a fool and an uncaring one at that.
It is generally a show of heartlessness when a woman tells her lover that she is uncomfortable with his viewing of porn and he does not do anything other than argue that she is being 'irrational' when in reality she is simply being shattered because her husband, who is supposed to love her and make her happy, is being a completely ignorant buffoon.
Why do women complain about porn? Because we all know that when a man decides to stroke his shaft endlessly whilst viewing a sickeningly plastic 'perfect woman' on the screen whilst her stimulating orgasms are being blasted throughout the room, something is wrong. Something is wrong when he ignores his wife's tears as she is forced to lie awake at night considering whether or not her husband is likely to leave her for some other 'more attractive' woman when she has given her life to make him happy.
Understand it and consider that.
I hope that helps.
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