A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who I've known many years. He always dated women and didn't seem gay. Then he came out a couple of years ago. I was surprised. His boyfriend is hot and doesn't really seem gay either. Such a shame! Is it just me or do I have a bad gaydar? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): Just to make it clear.
I've known feminine acting gay guys to only have a preference for big hairy burly macho men. I've known straight acting ones that had the same preference, I've known some that were the other way around and I've known some with no particular preference at all.
OP not all men are feminine acting, and they don't conform to set bunch of rules. They're the exact same as us in every respect.
FYI: There is a massive misconception amongst a lot of people that one of the men/women in a gay relationship has to take on the masculine or feminine role. That's not true at all, it happens but it's by no means the way things are. Of all the gay couples I've known and discussed this with they all say most of the time it's completely mutual and symbiotic. It depends on the personalities of those couples whether one partner is dominant or not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): "how do they attract otehr guys?"
I don't understand your confusion to be honest. I think you're mistaking gay guys for women OP. A macho woman may find it tough to find a guy but a macho gay guy isn't because we guys are like that naturally. OP they're men first and gay second. Gay guys like all the same kind of guys you like. They have the same sexual preference as you afterall.
"How do they initiate a relationship with other guys?"
The same way as you and I do, except for gay guys it's a hell of a lot easier because they can approach guys they like. Whereas most women rarely do that because it's not proper custom.
Lesbian women have that advantage too, because they couldn't care less about standing there looking pretty waiting for someone to chat them up, they go over and chat women they like up.
OP they have the exact same kind of relationships as we do, they go through all the same things the only difference is their sexual preference. They're not different from us OP, they're no more different than a girl who likes guys with muscles versus a girl that likes skinny guys.
The only difference I find is the initial flirting and dating stage is a lot easier because there isn't the same crap about the guy having to make all the moves.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Macho guys, gay or not, are noticed by interested guys and girls. You don't think Julio (South American singer) would ever fail to impress the guys and the girls? I realise (now) that he's gay. But I can still marvel at his hip swivelling cute demeanor. Gay people can be all the things straight people can be. The difference is gay people are turned on by those who are their same sex, and give their sexual affection to their same sex. Versus straight people are turned on by the opposite sex and give their sexual affection to the opposite sex. All people straight or gay or indifferent or some other variation, still have hopes, dreams, things that make them happy or sad. Some are charming and polished. Some have got their act together, some have not. Some are accomplished others have a way to go. Some are rougher diamonds. But they are all still people. Gay or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also wonder if they're macho gays, how do they attract otehr guys? How do they initate a relationship with other guys?
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A
male
reader, gaydating +, writes (13 June 2011):
I'm gay as well, and not too long ago, I came out. SOme people don't know, but the most important people in my life know, there rest will just have to find out by themselves. anyways, when I told some of my gay friends that I was gay, they couldn't believe it. It is funny, because sometimes I was told by girls that I had kinda like a gayish voice (still manly, meaning not like a high pitched voice like some of gay guys have). But my gay friends told me that they thought I was straight, one of them told me that he thought I was straight because I didn't acted like a "typical" gay guy. So my point is that just because a guy looks manly doesnt mean his straight. Btw I prefer gay guys who are straight acting then those who are feminine, If I liked feminine guys, I would be dating girls instead. But yeah every once has their own preferences.
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A
male
reader, topher747  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 lots of gay people don't act in the stereotypical way, im gay and lots of people don't know.
gay people don't have to always be feminine.
i think most people think that are feminine because they are the one that are easy to spot as gay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 As an ex customer of Manhattan gay MALE bars ( the best places where a woman can drink something in quiet and peace without being hit on by randy stangers, and have casual but interesting conversations with generally polite, friendly ,eye-pleasing strangers ) I confirm that the Tv and media steroetype of the feminine gay guy with a lisp, swirling his bangled wrists... is just that, a stereotype. Many gays are "acting straight ", in fact it's not even an act they are putting on- it's natural for them to be that way. I don't find it strange, I think it makes sense. If a man prefers other men, it must also be because he prefers masculinity in all its expressions, - male mentality, male gestuality, etc., - so
he will not want to assume feminine looks and qualities for himself.
The gaydar is part instinct, part training- after so many years in Manhattan :) , mine is very sophisticated, practically infallible. But it's also normal that often many girls get disappointing surprises...
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 June 2011):
I agree with Cerberus completely.
Gay guys, based on my experience, bring a different perspective and impeccable taste to life. I notice their good taste long before I come to know that they are gay. Style wise they are often impressive and make life more interesting.
The place where I get my hair done is staffed by an all male hairdresser crew. They are all drop dead gorgeous guys.
If you saw those same hairdressers out as a group you would be struck by how
tall, fit, well spoken and nicely
presented they are. And any girls present would likely be swooning, IF they didn't know that these guys all prefer guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): There's a very common misconception that gay men are all very feminine. This is based purely on a media stereotype and the fact that in most shows feminine acting gay men are often used as comic relief or portrayed that way as to be obvious to the audience that they are actually homosexual.
Google "straight acting" and you'll see that most gay men are just regular acting guys with no feminine qualities whatsoever. You're not going to notice them as much because it's not obvious. Most gay guys I know are "straight acting". If you go to any gay bar the majority of guys in there will be that way too. The only people who have proper gaydar OP is gay people. From the gay guys I know they say it's just instinct, they can tell whether a guy is interested in men because they've a lot of practice spotting those guys, their body language and the way they look at other men. Just the same as you would have straightdar because you'd see a guy checking out a girls ass.
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