A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:American society is so degenerated that regardless if you have money to keep your kids in private schools and middle class neighborhoods they will still find drugs, engage in criminal activity, and hang around the wrong people. I HAVE SEEN IT! Growing up even though I was poor (in American terms of poor) most of my friends were middle class and MANY of them wound up running to the other side of town to hang with the gangbangers, they would do drugs, drink irresponsibility, have kids early and out of wedlock, and in general, become drifters with no purpose in their life. I remember one middle class dad telling me that he wish I was his son (and that meant a lot to me as my father abandoned my mother and I). I just don't get it? Why do kids that grow up in good areas, with good parents, seek out the worst that society has to offer and don't care that they are breaking their parents hearts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): I do not think this specifically occurs in the United States.And I am sure I am not a perfect parent. None of us are perfect parents. But I am very sure that I want my children to have lots of fun, and remember that fun, when they are adults. I do not want to foster the thought that children are just mini-adults who can skip being a child. Because children deserve a childhood to remember, and should not be allowed to grow up too fast, thus missing out on a healthy happy childhood.Perhaps I even try harder because my childhood was lived in a financially poor family, but also with domestic violence, so it was not always much fun. Yet I had the sense to look for role models outside my own family and join a library and get involved in some clubs at school, and I visited the homes of people I went to school with, so I could see for myself how other parents behaved. Namely other parents who I thought were ones I would have liked as parents.I did not like the disinterested parents who treated their children like annoying distractions. The role models I preferred were the parents who were more involved and more hands on. And who were calm and kind and did not yell and scream at their children. And I looked for consistency. What is the point of a parent who uses obscenities when they scream at their child, 'not to * * * swear' ? That is a poor message by the parent.Children learn by watching and listening. 'do as I say, not as I do' is very poor parenting. All over the world there are priveleged children brought up to think the world owes them a living, and not willing to take on a job. And an idle teen can be a dangerous thing, as they have so much energy, it is best if their abundant energy is channelled into productive activities, lest they become attracted to a wilder crowd.If people are capable of working (health issues being the exception - good health comes first - fix that where it can be fixed then even people with disabilities can hold down a job, including a part time job.Or even do volunteer work amongst those less able than themselves. Or even work from home if the disability is severe.When adults follow norms in society that revolve around keeping up with those who have more, and being competitive with other adults to have a bigger house, better car, better address, bring in more money than anyone else they know etc, and are then pressured for time to fit everything into their lives. If the said persons above are also parents then the first casualty can be parenting, because the parents are so time poor. Something has to give. Children do not benefit by bringing themselves up using the TV as the baby sitter.Children do not benefit if the parents do not read to them Daily from a young age.Books open up so many worlds and improve their minds.Children need space to play in. They do not need a picture perfect outdoor spaces, where they cannot climb trees, build tree houses, play building hills, lakes, bridges in the sand or the earth and have fun being covered in mud.It is essential that children be allowed to make mistakes sometimes and learn from the mistakes each time.Children can learn to cook and find out how to make things taste good. It teaches responsibility.I think keeping pets also teaches a child so much. Pets are not messy, they are great comforts and the child learns to be responsible. Even a worm farm, and a tank of frogs (who need live food - hence our worm farm!) teaches children about how things work.Skip the fancy adult resort. Our family loves going camping (which I sincerely do not like) so they get to enjoy great bonding with their Dad. We also have stayed on two different farms where they accept families as paid guests, and the children loved it. One had animals and the other grew fruit and nuts. I also loved both those holidays and loved seeing their faces as they tried to milk a cow. Yes the children got dirty and tired and the accomodation was not five star. But it was character building fun for the children to see how other people live and work. And be tolerant of the differences. And how hard it is to work as a farmer.Another time we took our children to an area where there are many fishing vessels and I wanted the children to smell the smells. Observe how hard the people worked unloading their boats, and the whole atmosphere. We stayed in a very basic home for a week. It did not have a tourist feel, just real people making a living. To me holidays like that teach, as well as allow children to see other sides of life. And it was much cheaper than a resort holiday. The children remember things one would never expect and got great joy from the trip. They still talk about that trip with delight. That's giving them real, not artificial experiences. Wherever it takes place the evening meal should be a time of courteous but robust discussion between all the family on any subject troubling the family and children should be allowed to contribute their own discussion points. The oldest child may have to be reminded to listen respectfully as the younger ones are still learning. But meals placed in front of a blaring TV do not foster family harmony. There are sit-coms that demonstrate very poor parenting examples and very poor rude disrespectful dialogue given to the children to say. This is not real life. But a child watching it might think it is. It is even more gross to see music videos that children are allowed to watch where some very inappropriate role models are portrayed. These all are absorbed as OK by a child allowed to view this.And there are nasty cruel sick and disrespectful computer games that send all the wrong messages to a child and so are totally unsuitable for children (yet some, sadly, do play them. And it is totally unhelpful to a growing brain to see such things. Children need an after school job as soon as they can take one on, and that is in lieu of pocket money. And a proportion of it must be saved for the future. Parents are people too, not banks of money for children to waste.And parents need to teach values. Or if they do not hopefully children will notice people who do have values and emulate those good values.Parents and grandparents, if suitable, can Teach children so much about what is of value and what counts.This process does not magically occur over-night when the child becomes a teenager.Instead the child has absorbed so many into their brain about the values, attitudes and norms of the society they live in, before they reach the age of four.And anyone just willing to babysit is just not good enough. I want to thoroughly know everything I need to know if I entrust someone with my children even for just an hour.Because children even pick up so much from the people all around them. My first choice for babysitting has always been family (mother in laws in my case). But then a group of likeminded girls and I, who all know and trust each other very well and are all in our neighborhood, formed a babysitting club and it works perfectly for the times we need it. We are all parents, we bring the child or children to the home of the babysitter, there are other children to play with, and an adult to oversee it all. And not a dime is exchanged to provide this service for each other. We rotate who keeps records of hours sat. 20 hours credit and you can't sit until you reduce it by getting sitting and 20 hours debit then you need to sit for others.But I disagree with leaving children with alone, to fend for themselves, when parents are busy, as the child might feel they are not important to the parents.I disagree with laughing and calling a child 'cute' when they are put in clothing that is too inapproriate (dressing like an adult) for them. Or calling a child funny when they speak disrespectfully to their parents or use bad language at any time to anyone. A Dictionary and a Thesaurus help them to see there are far more descriptive words than a handful of offensive words. And I disagree with teachers who think it is 'cute or sweet' when two elementary school children are 'dating?' and making plans for the future. It represents a very twisted of view by adults who think it is acceptable or cute. It is play-acting trying to be an adult. Years later, at 13 onwards children often gravitate to and seek out what they think represents 'success' and what they think is valued in a society. The messages children's brains absorb at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 years are absorbed and acted upon later. Parents have a responsibility to discuss things and explain things to a child long before the child starts school. Because a parent is the most influential teacher a child might ever have. And the teaching role of the parent/s does not end when the child starts school.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (7 May 2011):
 Growing up in poverty earns you a bit of strength. You start to appreciate the smaller things that others might not see or hear or feel. When your an adolescent child, your mind just cannot say no. Suddenly doing drugs, drinking and having lots of sex sounds like a good time, obviously everything that seems to make everyone happy sounds like it should offer them the time of their life and they think they might not regret it in five or ten years. They don't know. They don't intentionally seek it out. They just make the wrong friends or go to the wrong places and eventually they're easily drawn in.
It's a combination of bad parenting and a child's naivety. So many kids think that their in love so they need to have sex. Actually, that isn't even the case for most of them, some people are pressured into it. Their boyfriends or girlfriends want them to prove how much they really care by having sex but they don't know how fickle and damaged it makes everything, they think a few minutes of ecstasy will have little effect on their daily lives. Very rarely do you get teenagers who intentionally do it to have a child, you cannot blame them for having that urge, blame the parent for not teaching them. Sometimes parents are so caught up in being perfect in the eyes of their children that they forget just why they were doing this, what their role is.
Its natural for humans to explore the world around them and have a taste of everything it has to offer, terrible or glorious, its natural for teenagers to want to know so its the parents duty to teach them. It really isn't a matter of being privileged at all. You grew up struggling so you know what the darker side of the world is, you appreciate it, no doubt you knew that drugs were completely pointless but to those who don't know, its complete pleasure in a pill. Living in an area with a certain amount of money doesn't help a parent raise child as much as one would think it does.
I hope that helps.
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female
reader, Gherkinsaregrim  +, writes (7 May 2011):
Oh yeah, they also have NO idea how lucky they are
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female
reader, Gherkinsaregrim +, writes (7 May 2011):
Decadent capitalism.
Or maybe ... Well i think a lot of young people think it's 'cool' to have this born rough attitude even when it's a massive facade.
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reader, shawncaff +, writes (6 May 2011):
 Good question. I think it's because America is a consumerist society. The message sent to young people is that the purpose of life is success, so you can have the things you want and do the things you want. Ultimately, this message boils down to focus on the self rather than on the community, and young people can begin to live a selfish and self-involved life. If they are taught the purpose of life is to get things, then why should they feel a responsibility to anyone else?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): I think that when parents shelter their children it makes them want to go out and see what it is they are missing. That's how my Dad was, always controlling what we did. And after he died it made me just want to do anything. Just because a child grows up with money doesn't mean they have a happy home. I had a lot of friends with well off parents and they didn't have a happy life and it makes the kid not care. Other kids just have it in them to be screw ups no matter what. Money really has nothing to do with it. The person has to know how to raise their children, so they know whats right and what limits are. Everything really depends on how the parents are, not on whether there is money or not. Which I think is parents problems some times. Just because you buy your children things doesn't mean your a good parent. hope this helps
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