A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I need some help. My partner and I have been together for four years we are engaged and have set a date to be married. Yea I know I'm young I've heard it all before. Anyways he recently started at Uni and suddenly he has become all secretive. He says he loves me but he has become so negative towards me and so nice to everyone else. He says that if I ever get fat he will break up with me and stop loving me. I'm scared I'm going to get a eating disorder again (I had one all through high school because I didn't want to be fat) so I lost so much weight. I was anorexic and bulimic, I'm not fat now but I don't want to lose him so I've started starving myself I only eat 1 meal a day and I've gone back to being a fitness freak. I found out that I'm pregnant and I'm scared because my friends around me when they got pregnant they couldn't lose the baby fat. We have been through so much n always come out on the other side but this time it feels different. Since we found out I was pregnant he has been worse. See I've had three miscarriages (all planned pregnancies) and each time I get sicker so I understand he is worried but he is treating me so bad I feel like I'm on my own. All we seem to do is argue bout silly little things but he doesn't talk about how he is feeling. What do I do? Please any advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): Oh dear, nobody deserves to be treated like that honey. Nobody is worth starving yourself for! Him telling you that if you get fat he will break up with you and him treating you such a way that you feel sad and alone is disrespectful, disgusting and doing you no good. It seems that you love him but your love is not returned, either that, or he is a complete bastard. I'm so sorry, it is a tough situation to be in. Remember you are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel loved no matter what. If you both get married and his attitude towards you still stays the same you can get trapped in a negative spiral and 10 years down the line you are likely to feel terrible regret that you hadn't left him earlier. Him being secretive is also not a good sign. are you sure there is not somebody else? try talking to him and asking him why he is acting like this and how his behavior towards you affects you. Ask him if he still wants to be together and if he is happy. It seems Uni has opened new doors and a new life for him, he might be having second thoughts about making a commitment like getting married.sit down and talk together. My advice would be to postpone any marriage plans until these issues are solved. decide for yourself if you want to keep the baby and if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person who makes you feel miserable and unloved. remember you deserve much better...good luck!
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