A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i may sound VERY naive right know but i have to ask this question,why do so many of you call us stupid little girls for liking(loving) our teachers??we cant chose who we love you know our heart does.what if we really do have feelings for them.and what happens when the teacher has feelings for you as well huh??because it could happen.there has been real life cases you know.sorry if i sound rude.but one more thing whos fault is it for scandals to happen??the teachers??or...the students??thanks for ur time. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): Teens aren't stupid for being attracted to unsuitable people.
They're stupid for thinking that just having that attraction justifies doing something about it.
Being attracted to someone and getting into a sexual relationship is a 100% natural human thing to do. But so is murdering, and raping, and stealing. Just having a natural urge to do something does not automatically mean it's a good idea for anyone involved.
You say you'll always regret missing out if you don't get it on with your teacher?
Maybe that's true.
And I'll probably always regret missing out by not killing my rude & annoying neighbor with an axe, too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): All through senior school and sixth form, I fancied one of my teachers so badly. I got on with him really well whilst I was at school, and we used to chat a lot outside of lessons. When I finished 6th form, after the last exam, a load of my friends and I went out. We deliberately picked a pub in which a number of the teachers were drinking that night, the one which I fancied being among them.We all got chatting with the teachers, and I wound up going out back for a smoke with my teacher. One thing lead to another, and we started making out. I went home with him that night, and afterwards I got into a relationship with him which lasted for a couple of years.That was five years ago, and I'm still really good friends with him. With this experience in mind, I don't think it's fair to say that all girls who fancy a teacher are stupid. Maybe some are, but not all. Ed has been a wonderful friend to me, and I wouldn't have changed what I felt for him for the world.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): i agree with the fantasy vs reality thing. you see when your a teen your budding with awakening sexual urges so its easy to focus those on a man you see everyday who is in a position of authority. i remember back when i was a teen i had a major crush on one of the teachers. at the time it seemed so real, like you id dream of him all day and night, but i never took it further.
later on as a woman i looked back at pics of the guy frommy high school album and wondered what the heck i had been thinking back then, hes clearly not half as handsome as i found him to be at the time. wait till your out of school and have had some relationship experience,you'll find the diffence between real love and just a hormone fueled infatuation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): hey,
im the one who posted this question and i want to thank you all so much for this advice i hope im not wasting your time.
as you can see i have deep emotions for my teacher.
its been 3 years know.
i have had crushes these past 3 years but i forget them.
he is one i cant get out of my head no matter how hard i try.
im not slow,or dumb i know the risks and thats the least thing i want because i care for him and the only thing i want is for him to be happy even though its not with me.
i know i barely have the chance to actually be with him after graduation but hey just telling him my feelings on the last day of school(last year of highschool for me) wont hurt right??
i probably woulda forgot about him a long time ago if he where with wife and kids but he doesnt have either.
i know imay sound sick but hes the first thing i think about and the last thing i think about he makes me smile he makesme feel at peace i wish i could spend the rest ofmy life with him,but im more mature than that and as you all said those are all dreams so i might as well "woman up" and suck all my feelings for him in.
THANK YOU GUYS AGAIN!!!!
god bless you my agony aunts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Yes, real life cases have occurred but as Waz stated...it's rare compared to the millions andmillions of adolescent girls, globally, who find themselves having a crush on a teacher. Heck..I remember having a big crush on my history teacher in grade 10. Two weeks later, when I began dating my bf..the teacher was out and this cute guy, was in. Do you see what I am trying to say? When we are in the middle of adolecence, we tend to romanticize, without theclarity and rationale thrown in. This is normal. And we get there with maturing and development in adulthood. Adolescent girls have crushes that last a week, a month, a year. But we mature and eventually move on. Everyone works it out in their own time. But here is the reality. He can't date you and I think most teen females know that. Soto a teen girl, who 'loves' her teacher... fantasize away, dream about him but realize he has to adhere to a code of ethics that all teacher's do-they don't become involved, romantically with their students.And yes, as mentioned, if this teacher treats you with respect then someday, when you do date a guy...use this teacher's good character as a model for what you want in a dating partner. But understand...it is ethically wrong for this teacher to date you. If he did, he would put his career at great risk..most are mature guys with family (some aren't) but they keep a sensible head on their shoulders and just don't do that. And remember, it's highly likely that many other young females like him as well. So just enjoy him as a teacher and a friend, but keep it all in perspective.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): You can love anyone, you can like anyone, you can have fantasies and dreams, I have no problem with this. But your more than silly, your stupid if you try to have a relationship with your teacher, especially if you are under the legal age of consent.
You are at school to learn, your teacher is there to teach. It dosen't matter if you love one another, this is not what your at school to do. If you love your teacher and they love you, then you can wait untill you finish school and are able to express your love without any penalty.
If a teacher has a relationship with his student (underage) he will end up in prision. If the student is overage he is still in danger of loosing his job. This is stupid behaviour, to loose your job, and end up unemployed because your in love. It is difficult to sustain love on an empty belly or with one partner in prision.
Then there's the problem of the pervet. This is the teacher that only likes to have sex with little girls. Yes he will have sex with you, but as soon as you leave school, grow to old, become borring, he will dump you like a hot cake and move on to the next 14/15 year old.
Yes there have been real cases. There was one in the UK a couple of years ago. A boy took pictures of his teacher perfoming a sexual act, she denied it but he had the pictures. It was front page news for several months. She was sacked, the police were involved. Last I heard she was pregnant with his baby. He was 15, unable to work legally and she was a teacher sacked from her job and investigated for child abuse. A lovely story to tell your children and something to make your parents proud of you. I think not....
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 I don't think it is stupid to have a crush on your teacher, but it is very stupid wanting to have a relationship with them.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (1 June 2008):
 Hi Hunny
I dont think anyone is a silly little girl or boy for that matter, When someone asks for advise and help when its a question like this..In my case from my point of view Im giving advise to that person on what could be the outcome and if its a underage young girl my feeling of how this could affect not only her but the teacher as the teacher can be struck off for getting involed with students...I do understand that anyone can have feelings at any said time in life...But my main concern is for the pupil to try and understand that how very rare it is that this will go any futher although I also understand it must have happened and still does. And also when you hear I love my teacher but he is married well thats a no no straight away hunny...And there are also teachers out there who will take advatage of a young girls vunerability. Every question is different and every person who asks a question is different so I would not thing every girl is a silly little girl as every girl is not the same...Thats just my point of view sweetheart I dont think judging anyone can help you truely understand the said persons problem or worry no matter what and it certainly does not help when giving advise to anyone to judge them..Everyone at some point in life has had problems and it is bad enough going through a rough time with out having other people judging you when they really dont no you or the true facts, I HOPE THAT HAS MADE YOU FEEL A LITTLE BETTER TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (1 June 2008):
 no of course you cant help who you fall in love with. but majority of the time they mistake love for something else, as a teacher is a role model ie can feel like a brother or sister love. or just a forbidden crush to go against the rules..a teacher is ment to be a guidance into the world..well i dunno teachers perhaps as they are older and should no better..plus you could ruin the teachers career and life by having a relationship that is not legal..thats my opinion aphexy
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (1 June 2008):
 You're right. often we can't choose who we love. but then, some loves aren't meant to be and often cause more harm than good - this is the way i view relationships between students and teachers. it often ends in pain on both sides. That's why so many people react horribly to the problem of a student being in love with a teacher. it's unrealistic and shouldn't really be persued. It's usually for the best, even if it's only till the student is no longer in the school with the teacher they care about.
At the same time, at a young age, extreme admiration can be taken to be love - but it's not real love. And silly crushes often seem more than they are at a young age. I'm not saying it's not love, i'm just saying that when you're younger, it's harder to know. And often the 'love' or whatever it is, is based on something that relationships can't be based on - that's why people in this situation get called silly and stupid.
And if a scandal happens the teacher usually gets the blame and can get into so much trouble for it, as they are the adults and are responsible for the students under their care in school hours. But the majority of the time it is the student that persues the relationship - not the teacher, so they should receive the blame, especially if they think they're old enough to deal with that sort of 'love' so they should be old enough to deal with the consequences.
Realistically though, both are at fault if anything comes of the relationship that should only remain student/teacher.
This is just my opinion. i hope it helped.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 well teachers are to impart education to us students and not educate us on love..so it wouldnt be appropriate for a student to have feelings for a teacher ...of course its okay to admire a teacher for their work but crush fancying ehem ehem no no!!!yea sometimes the teachers to get involved in scandals and what do they get in return disrespect frm all the students,thrown out of their job they become helpless..y would anyone want such a life!!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 June 2008):
I don't think you are stupid little girls for liking them, but I always advise girls (and boys) who ask for help on this subject to back off and not to tell the teacher or make a move or anything.
I would ask you to go and look at a question from earlier today from a girl wanting to know how her teacher felt after she sent him a love letter.
The first thing he did was to tell the headteacher who then got the girl's parents in and gave her a lecture in front of them, in his office about the whole thing.
Yes there are cases of teachers liking students and getting into relationships... it usually ends with the teacher being arrested, having his career ruined and being called a paedophile for the rest of his life. If you care about someone why would you want to risk that happening to them? Why can't you hold back for a few years until you've left school and are 18? If it's true love you could manage it. If it's a crush then you'll get over it and no one will have to know.
Everybody wins.
Good Luck!! xx
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