A
female
age
26-29,
*olly9945
writes:I just want to understand. Why do some people think teenage relationships can never grow till the two in love are old? I know that some teenagers are just dating, going through drama, but you're doing a childish thing setting a stereo-type on all teenagers if you think we are all immature and can't handle a relationship. That's like me setting a stereo-type saying all adults can hold stable relationships and are perfect and know all.I know for a fact my grandparents started young, very young (One was 13 and the other 14 when they started officially dating, though they loved each other since they met at 7 and 8) and are still together and happy 63 years later. I am also in love with my boyfriend, we talk, we are emotionally(not to be confused with physically) intimate, I trust him, I care about him, I love him. And please don't say I don't know how to love, cause I'm pretty sure at the "magical" age of 18 or 20, or whatever age I don't just automatically know what love is. That also doesn't mean that everyone at my age can hold a stable relationship, they can't, and I understand most teenagers are immature, but some of us(like myself and my boyfriend) were forced to grow up due to difficulties with our families.I can go on and on defending my point, but I really just want to know why any of you think "Oh, they're teenagers, they just wanna have sex and party" or whatever your opinion is.
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female
reader, authenticgal +, writes (15 February 2011):
I also forgot to say that age usually comes with experience and gained intelligence. You still have a lot more to learn but be happy with what you have now.
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female
reader, authenticgal +, writes (15 February 2011):
I'm very surprised what you wrote, emotionally intimate. MOST teenagers do not know the difference and cannot tell the difference what you wrote. Love is for all ages but how many young girls know the difference? AT least for me, the reason why I think MOST teenage romances can never grow (I wouldn't say "never grow" but perhaps are never taken serious) is because the brain is still undergoing a lot of development. Physiologically, the prefrontal cortex is not fully developed compare to an adult. In this area of your brain, it deals with your decision-making, responsible for reasoning and problem solving. It is one of the last area to develop in your brain and will not finish growing until mid 20's. However, you did make a vivid point that adults are the same and their relationship fail because they've made some unwise decision. Relationship, like you said, is about maturity, experiences, making wise-decision, and knowing who you are as a person.For example, I have a friend who is in his 30s, but he is SO naive when it comes to relationship. He never learns from his mistake and he makes the same one, over and over. If you know what you're doing, adults will respect you and your decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Your very question answers itself; you sound like a petulant child, and probably still are.
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female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 You sound so defensive and yet nobody is arguing your point, rather we are agreeing with what you say for the most part.
With all due respect it's all very well to say that you don't feel a relationship will change with age but that's not really something that you have experience on yet. You make a very valid point saying that poeple in a 30yr marriage would have changed even if they got together as adults but the changes generally (not always) tend to be smaller than that of the transition from teenage years into adulthood. As an adult you already know who you are, what you strive for and the kind of person you desire to spend your life with. Well, ideally you will know this anyway! and as a teenager you don't usually know these things which is fine, because you're still finding your place in the world.
I understand what you're saying about your bf and yourself being more mature than the average person you're age because you've had to grow up fast. I was the same. I've been standing on my own two feet since I was 14 and very much thought exactly the same as you do now. I was in a relationship with someone from the age of 16 which lasted for 7 years and the exact reason we broke up was becasue we grew into 2 very different people. Maybe that makes me appear biased but I've seen it happen to many of my close friends aswell.
You sound like you're deperatly trying to prove a point. Just enjoy what you have without feeling that you have to justify that your relationship is as important as that of 2 adults. We are not fighting you on that one, I'm sure I can speak of behalf of most people who read this by saying that we wish you lots of luck!
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (15 February 2011):
If you're getting the impression that adults stereotype teenagers from the dearcupid posts, you're probably partly right. We remember being that young before and thinking that if 2 people love each other enough, that should be enough to be together forever. Then we have a few relationships and discover that it's not even close to that simple. I'm 24, and I still think that me and my friends are naive when it comes to love. We still haven't learned completely, and I think anyone any age can and do make stupid mistakes in relationships. But adults generally have the benefit of more relationships that they've gone through and learned from. Going through the experience yourself is nowhere near learning from seeing other people make mistakes.
Also, teenage relationships have a lot more stress than other relationships. Parents, little money/freedom, going to different colleges/universities, finding jobs in different places, etc etc. And while everyone changes over time, teenage relationships start so early on that it's just someone in the same school or group of friends. Adults normally date people they met in university (class, clubs), at work, through friends, through volunteer work, teams, clubs, etc. And the benefit of that is you have someone who is passionate about something that you are and you can relate.
We do wish you all the luck in the world in making your relationship work. We just don't want to see you making desperate choices to make a crumbling relationship work. The fact is, if I see a post about a relationship that doesn't sound very good and a teenager is going to want to move in together or sacrifice what college they want, I will say don't. Because chances are it won't work later down the line and you can't take those choices back. But it doesn't just go for teenagers. I know someone who decided to do a Masters at a certain school to be with his girlfriend, but 6 months later, she dumped him. And he regretted not going to the school he wanted. It happens at every age. Just as teenagers you have so much MORE of your life ahead of you than we do, and chasing a dying relationship can make you miss so much more of your life. I see so many people my age and older doing stupid things for relationships. It isn't just teenagers. We know that. I see people breaking up left right and centre, even after 6, 7 years. Even after 20 years of marriage.
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reader, ellie1963 +, writes (15 February 2011):
 when my parents met they were 13 & 17 respectively they have never had another partner.
When i was 16 i met and fell in love with a guy and left him because i wanted to move to London. I met up with him about seven years ago and we are still in love with each other but are both married to other people so we remain good friends.
My sister met her partner when she was 9 and he was 9 they were best friends and went off to marry other people. About 12 years ago they were both single at the same time and got together as a couple, they had never dated before and they are still together.
Both my daughters are now in their mid 20s and living with guys they met at 17 years old one of my daughters new her partner as a friend when they were 11.
My grandparents were in their teens when they met and stayed together till they died.
My point is you can grow together and sometims the young loves that we have are all we need. I wish i had stayed with my sweetheart, im lucky to have him back as a friend. Never say never. xxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): It's interesting that you're kicking up a fuss with all the aunts and uncles on here, baring in mind that, whilst a lot of them are adults, some of them are teenagers too. I'm still 18. I think it's simply because most adults have been through a few relationships and come into contact with many people, not just the people in your classroom. No-one doubts the maturity of individuals and no-one on here ever seems to say 'oh, it's because you're so young'. We get it, you love your boyfriend, we all acknowledge that you think you're mature and that you're in love. You may stay together forever. You may not. A lot of it comes down to the fact that teenagers change and develop their personalities over the few years that you're now going through; the people you are now isn't necessarily the people you will be when you're older. Your needs and wants will change. If you really were in a stable, mature and loving relationship, you wouldn't give a damn what adults say or categorise you as and would just get on with it, knowing that the relationship was healthy and secure for you both. That's when you know your relationship is 'a proper one'. Throwing a hissy- fit at a bunch of people who a) are just trying to help others and b) you don't know anything about is probably what makes people think you and your relationship is immature.
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reader, Molly9945 +, writes (15 February 2011):
Molly9945 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, and I'm not trying to be rude, but even though you were a teenager doesn't mean you lived the life of every different teenager. Each of us has a different personality, background, outlook on things, etc. And I know I will change as I get older, but let me ask you this. Say you have been married to someone for 30+ year, do you think you'll be the exact same person those 30 years? I don't, and if you did that would be a pretty boring marriage. So I understand I will change, and so will my boyfriend, but I also understand that when something major about me changes(say my standards for being in our relationship) I'm not afraid to tell him, and he's not afraid to tell me. We do this thing most(not all) teenagers don't do, we communicate.
So I don't think age really has an effect, nor changing. It's about your maturity and what you know about relationships, and granted that my current boyfriend is my first I still have experience from watching what my other friends do in all there dating drama, or in all of their successes.
And I just want to say one more thing. I've seen a lot of teenage relationships fail, but I've seen a lot more adults relationships fail(that started as adults) than ones that started as teenagers(I know a lot of people, relatives and older family friends who fell in love and are going strong since young ages) So I guess I just don't like that adults are always more negative towards younger relationships than adult ones.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Sweetie we're not stereotyping or anything of the sort. Your forget that all adults were once teenagers. We don't think teenage love will last because we went through it, saw our friends go through it, and it didn't last for anyone.
As you grow up you will change, your partner will change and for the vast majority of people out there who they change into and who their partner changes into simply won't be a good match.
However, one of the highlights of being an adult is that you know not to let other peoples opinion bother you. If you want to stay with your boyfriend then do so, don't worry about what other people are saying. If you do manage to stay together for the rest of your lives then you'll have a very good story to tell.
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reader, sammi star +, writes (15 February 2011):
I don't think it's the opinion of many adults that teenagers can't handle a relationship. There are very few who will stereo type and say you're all immature.
Actually the teenage years are very important to how you learn what kind of role you play in relationships and how you interact with a partner. Of course you can fall in love at your age. Love isn't exclusive to over 18's!
What is mostly pointed out is the fact that most teenage relationships won't last for the rest of your lives. I don't want to sound patronising by saying it might feel that way to you now, but remember we've been there and felt that way and are simply sharing our experiences and advice.
Of course some teen relationships do go the distance but for the most part you grow into such different people as you mature and learn that you simply aren't the same people you were when you started the relationship. You will usually grow to want different things, mature at different paces etc.
As with any relationship at any age you should enjoy it for what it is and strive to keep it working weather you're 15 or 50.
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