A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am lesbian. Been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 months now. Most of my friends are fine with it, however a handful of my friends don't seem to understand and realise my sexuality.They say that lesbian sex isn't 'real' sex as there is no male to penetrate. They don't seem to realise how much it upsets me and offends me. I've spoken to them about it, and tried to explain why to me it is real sex. But they are just so closed minded, and come out with things like the law doesn't see it as real sex so it's not. When to me, it's the passion and the intimacy what makes it sex, no matter what your gender. Why do people hold such views? I'm getting quite upset that some of my closest friends see my relationship with my girlfriend as invalid as there is no penis involved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your replies.
I was just upset that when my friends asked 'how do lesbians have sex' and I explained they said "thats not real sex"
of course anyone would find that hurtful.
They, and a lot of people look in disgust (and often shout abuse) at me when I hold my girlfriends hand in public.
I just don't see why in this day and age, I should feel paranoid and not able to show my love for this girl...straight people do it all the time, so why can't I?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): Why does it bother you? You know it's real sex so what's the issue? You have nothing to prove to anyone OP.
Have you tried reminding them that it's called oral sex and manual sex for a reason?
Or asked them if it's sex when two gay guys have sex and there's no vagina?
So what if they think the penis is god, they're the idiots but you're also an idiot for caring. You know being a lesbian means that you're going to have to tolerate a lot of idiocy as regards your sexuality you know that well, if you get upset by misconceptions then you're going to have a tough life OP because it's going to take a long time for those to change and you're going to come up against that your entire life.
I have a good few gay friends and the ones like you that need to prove things to the world have it tough, the others then don't need anyone's acceptance or understanding all they care about is living well and being happy.
OP it's like anything in life, people aren't always going to agree with you and you need to chose your battles better or life is going to be unnecessarily tough.
You're already going to find it hard when you come across people who will abuse you and fuck you over based on your sexuality, why do you care what people think so much? Who cares if they understand or not as long as they accept you and your sexuality.
OP the world is coming around to the idea of homosexuality being normal, it's considered to be psychologically normal, it's not a disease, condition nor an affliction and in places like the UK and especially Ireland, it's not only no longer that much of a big deal but the majority of Irish people want gay marriage to be completely legal. 20 years ago that would have been unthinkable. You can't change everyone, you can't educate everyone but those who are homophobic are a dying breed and in a few generations will be all but extinct.
Stop trying to change people's minds, let them believe whatever crazy shit they want to believe, let them cock worshippers.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 All sort of people hold all sort of quirky, skewed views about a variety of subjects from sex to religion to food to ...absolutely anything . Why ? , it may be because of misinformation or social pressure or ignorance .Or because of their religion, culture, traditions. Or simply due to sincere, deeply ingrained belief.
But why do you have to feel insulted or offended ? do you think that everybody in the world should share your views and opinions about sexuality ?... That's naive, and entitled too. As long as they don't try to prevent you from living your sex life the way you like it, and that their comments are not voiced with intentional malice or animosity , they are not obliged to approve or applaude your views about sex , you know ?,- and you are not obliged to give a damn about their opinions!
Once I pissed off a bunch of American friends saying that to me baseball does not feel like a real sport .... Obviously I 'd never try to discourage or prevent anybody from playing or watching baseball games , be my guest to play and watch all the baseball you want ; and yet, baseball STILL does not feel like a real sport to me, so sue me ! :)
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 They hold those views because they're young and don't know much about sex yet.
As I've got older I've learned that 'real' sex is about intimacy, emotions and connection. The physical side is secondary.
In fact the best sex advice I ever got was from two lesbian friends of mine. They said 'forget you have a penis'. It really was good advice.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (12 September 2012):
Why do you feel the need to discuss your sex life with others?
I personally could care less if someone is gay, but if you're going to discuss your sex life then I'm going to be annoyed with it because frankly, I care as much about your sex life as a random straight person's sex life.
Anyhow, I think the term "sex" is fairly subjective. What may be considered sex to some, isn't considered sex to others. I know a recurring story about teenage kids performing oral sex on each other and if that is considered sex. Some will say no and some will say yes. Typically, the parents are saying yes and the kids are saying no.
So really, sex is really just a matter of a person's perception. To some people sex is having intercourse, where a man inserts his penis into a woman's vagina. While others will conclude that sex is any sort of sex act, but of course, there are always exceptions.
In the end, don't take it so personally and consider keeping your sex life a little more private. Is it really anyone's business what you and your girlfriend are doing together behind closed doors?
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (12 September 2012):
 So long as you and your partner are enjoying the relationship, who cares what others think? You obviously DO careYou may be making the mistake of foisting your relationship/ orientation onto others. This is something guaranteed to make most 'straight' people get upset. You see, most people are tolerant these days of homosexuality, they just don't wan't it flaunted in front of them. For most of us, when asked as a general question, will say that homosexuality is ok. But when our friends or colleagues are asking and they ARE homosexual, the metaphorical shutters go up.Homosexuality is still seen by most as something different from the norm - well it IS different from the norm and so tends to offend the gender in question. For example, men tend to be offended by male homosexuals because they feel it insults their gender - same goes for women.And I've never understood this 'Coming out' thing: do whatever it is you want to do and with whomever you want, without announcement or fuss. Just like 'straight' people do!The world is what it is and you're never going to change it - so I suggest, live your life as you want, without shouting about it. If people have a problem with that, let THEM have the problem!Good luck.
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