A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend used to be a heroin addict. He's pretty much done every drug under the sun (pot, cocaine, acid, ecstasy and heroin which he was addicted to for 4 years) and did that for several years from high school till his mid 20s. He's now 31. When I met him a year ago, he was very honest and upfront about it and hawks cool with it because he was clearly clean and done with this part of his past. So it didn't really bother me. However, every now and then, he will talk about some past experiences that involved drugs and the way he talks about really bothers me. He makes it sound like these years were so awesome and that he had so much fun tripping on acid, partying while on drugs and from what it sounds like a pretty promiscuous sex life. It just makes it sounds like drugs are so cool and that was the best time of his life. Everytime he mentions a story that involves drugs I get really upset. I feel like he still thinks drugs are the coolest thing he's ever done and that he would still be on it if reality didn't knock on his door. I've never done drugs and sometimes I maybe regret that I've never even tried it just for the experience. So that might be why I get upset because he's had all these experiences and I didn't. But I want to figure out how to deal with his past and how he talks about it. Has anybody been with someone who used to do a lot of drugs?
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 As long as he's not showing signs of going back into his former drug use, let him enjoy his memories. They remind him of a simpler time in his life, kind of like when we all believed in Santa Claus, before the reality hit us between the eyes. My husband is the same way. His younger days were full of drug experimentation and he often talks about those days with fondness. I am a little jealous too. I smoked a bit of weed in high school, but never had the nerve to drop any acid or do crack. I still wouldn't experiment with those drugs even if I could. But there is a certain carefree spirit that lies within those types of people that I admire on some levels. Just make sure those stories don't draw him back into that world. Then you'd have an entirely different problem. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): I've done every drug under the sun except heroin, meth and crack.
I was never addicted but I was a weekend warrior for about ten years and when the circumstances are right I will take them again, things like festivals or holidays.
I still talk about some of those times and I definitely have very fond memories of those times OP. That's ten years of my life and a lot of incredible experiences I had, whole weekends at beach parties taking pills sitting watching the sun rise above the ocean as 100's of people writhe around half naked loving every minute of it and everyone who is at it, taking acid in the mountains, figuring out the meaning of life while looking out on a view that spans tens of miles, and taking magic mushrooms and running around a forest with the Lord of the Rings soundtrack on sword fighting with sticks with my friends, etc. If drugs weren't so much fun then we wouldn't take them in the first place. It's only natural he's going to have had some amazing times on them. I certainly did.
OP you're talking about a period in his life that lasted years, a big part of his youth and while the heroin addiction probably sucked major balls he will have had some amazing times on drugs. Would you rather he looked back on that time with horror, regret and disgust? Would you rather he just never said anything about those times ever, never discussed his life in any great detail?
Unfortunately OP it's part of his past that you have to accept if you want to be with him, and while you say you do, you wouldn't feel this way if you did. I have no problem with people who disagree with my past or my lifestyle choices, we all must live the way that makes us happiest but my past is part of me, it's what has made me the man I am today and I simply wouldn't be with a person who can't accept that part of me to the point where it disgusts her to hear about it.
I honestly think you and he are too different in your core beliefs and perhaps this is not something you can get past.
Drugs have a huge stigma due to the prevalence of horror stories and a lot of those are real, drugs can be very bad for people and people die and do horrible crap on them. My experiences on them were 40% good, 10% horrible and 50% amazing and in all my time and in all the social circles I moved around in very few people were in any way badly affected by them.
Look if this guy is a good guy then just tell him to ease off the drug stories a little but just remember they're the same as alcohol you must have had some awesome experiences while drunk, it would be a bit strange if someone were to tell you not to talk about them because they hate alcohol or don't drink. Besides, who's to say the next guy you get with won't have had a non-drug past of things that were so awesome that you get jealous of those too and hate to hear it?
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A
female
reader, Beatriceandjohn  +, writes (12 September 2012):
If not having tried them makes u feel upset u have been with him for too long... Run while u can
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A
male
reader, KomradeKhaos +, writes (12 September 2012):
I was in an almost exact situation. We ended up breaking up because it bothered me so much. She was very into drugs and actually did sexual favors for drugs. Although I loved her very much, the mere thought of that bothered me so much that we broke it off after a year and half. Since then, I will not date anybody with a similar past.
I posted a question here before we broke up, which can give you insight on my situation as well as what others had to say: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/it-just-disgusts-saddens-and-makes-me-depressed.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): Everyone's young at some point, and when you're young you generally just want to live a little.
Regarding how to deal with him and his past when he talks about it, to be honest I think you would just be better off letting him know that you don't want to hear about it as it, as you say, bothers and upsets you. So, the next time he starts talking about it, just ask him politely to stop talking about it.
Or, if you can't do that, you may just have to accept that that is just a part of his past life.
Hope this helps.
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