A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I love my girlfriend very dearly and the feeling is mutual. We've known each other for 3 years and have been in a steady long distance relationship for 2 years now. We are getting married next year and I'm really looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her. Now, i've always been insecure about her ( maybe protective ) but she has always stated that she has no intentions of cheating but her behavior seemed questionable at times. Maybe i'm wrong. I have had a few girlfriends in the past but this one is very different. She is an adventurous soul and that has always attracted me. She is in touch with her exes, she even went out to meet them a few times. She has subtly flirted with other men and was excited when people asked her out. I wouldn't take all this too well but after an argument and some self talk i eventually came to an understanding that she is more open than i am and I should restrict her space. During a discussion if i were to bring up a topic, she would get extremely defensive stating i would suffocate her, that we weren't meant to be and we should end this. This would scare me i would end up apologizing and eventually shut up and not be open about how i truly felt. Honestly, i have done a lot of self analyzing to reduce our arguments and be more open and i have changed but recently i have had a lot of doubts about this relationship. We have a good sex life. Both of us are really enthusiastic but during intercourse she would mention her fantasy of watching me with other women. At first it would just shock me and i would get turned off but eventually, I got used to it too. She never complained about the sex in fact we had great sex but she couldn't come. It was only after I turned her on by talking about me and other women that she came. I loved it too. I felt it was harmless and we got really closer. But recently, the dirty talking went on to another level where she confessed she felt jealous when i talked about other women and instead talked about her mother. I somehow joined in, it turned me on and we had the best sex ever. However, the next day i felt dirty about it. I started to fear her intentions and am really scared of losing out on the lovely relationship we have. I expressed it to her and she said its only talking and she felt secure about her mother and jealous with any other woman. She also mentioned that isnt bi or cant imagine about other men. But im worried about the direction this is going in. We decided to stop it and have boundaries but im scared im suppressing her feelings. I really love this woman, she is the most wonderful person i have met. I dont want anything to come in between us and snatch this thing away. Question is : Is this normal behavior ? Why is she having these fantasies ? Can i trust her or am I being taken for a ride ? I know, its a turn on for any man but this relationship is worth more than just the sexual part and I dont want this to ruin what we have. So what do i do now ?
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flirt, her ex, insecure, jealous, long distance, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): It is not normal and I would feel insulted that she need to be visualissing intercourse with you an her mother to climax. That is just disgusting.The flirting and dating ex sound like this fiance is not ready for a committment. So how long will you keep biting your tongue, to avoid upsetting her.This relationship is not healthy and a marriage that will end in disaster.Sounds like you are not enough for her, in that she has thoughts of other people around her in bed
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): To answer part of your question: most women don't like to have their boyfriends fantasising about other women (and especially their mothers) in bed.
But you are not dating most women, you're with this one. It's impossible to guess why she's having such fantasies without asking her. This is where your biggest problem lies: you don't trust her answer. She told you it was just a fantasy, but you think there's more to it.
People have all sorts of funny fantasies. Who knows why. You indulged her, but it made you uncomfortable so you stopped. Trust me, if this woman feels open enough to share her fantasy of you having her mother, you don't have to worry about suppressing her. She's comfortable with telling you anything. Also, keep in mind lots of people fantasise about things that they would never want to experience in real life. I highly doubt your girlfriend really wants you to sleep with her mother.
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