A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have seen alot of questions on this site an also on TV and once with my aunt. Why do people expect their bf/gf/husband/wife/fiance to stop seeing the mother/father of their child because they're together? For example, lets say a girl and a boy have a baby together, but they break up. The boy is still an active part of the childs life and tries to be a good dad. The girl and the boy have an agreement, whatever it may be, to have the child on certain days and others not. The child mostly lives with the mother, however. The girl meets a new guy, and they start a relationship. Why does the new guy expect the girl to stop having anything to do with the child's father even though he is the dad? Doesn't he have a right to see his child? Why does the new guy feel this way? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! Just to clarify, my aunts boyfriend is the one who wants her to stop seeing the father of her baby. Thanks to all
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): "it's a macho thing the new guy feels the other guy is a threat and wants to remove all trace of the girls past ie be the new father for girlfriends kids."
Don't call this a male problem. In my experience it is just as common with women.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 September 2011):
 I've never been in a relationship where my new partner wanted me to not have any contact with the father of my children. That's not reasonable.
Of course I was an adult and I was not trying to have a romantic or friendly relationship with my ex. We talked as needed about the kids, and jobs and houses and stuff that pertained to our children that we were raising together.
IF that's all that's going on then the new partner needs to chill and if he can't then the mother of the child should probably end the relationship because the new partner sounds too jealous and insecure to be a good life partner.
...............................
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 There are many and varied reasons for this but I will speak of my own experience. My husband has three children by three different women. He sees all the children, some more than others but he sees them all. Sometimes I feel he sees too much of the children because to my mind it is taking 'us' time away from us and he tries his best to juggle everything. The thing I don't like and don't accept is his need to keep in contact with any of the mothers. I see no reason why he should have anything to do with them unless by text or vm and only if it is directly about the kids. He sees no reason not to have contact with the mothers but I don't like being reminded of his past, feel somewhat jealous and also feel that because they have had a child together it is as if they have something over me. So for my perspective it is because I am jealous. I do think the contact is unnecessary and wrong but he sees some of the mothers as friends as so much time has gone by. U don't and feel horribly threatened. Anyway that is one adult's view and very rarely is it about the child it is nearly always about jealousy or fear of losing something you love or hating someone having something over you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Blended families/couples is never easy. It all comes down to trust and well, how decent people can behave for the sake of their kids.
Ofcourse a Dad should be able to see his child, but he can do that with out "hanging out" with the mother.
If a new guy "demands" she cut contact, hopefully the mom will put her child first.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Yes off course he has the right to see his child and this right should never be taking away from a child's father as it is not fair on him or the child. I guess when a new partner comes along they get jealous because they know there girlfriend and the father of her baby will always have a special bond that he doesn't have with her. But this does not give him the right to ask this.
...............................
A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Some people want to be the one who comes first with their partner, even though they are with someone who has a child. It is unrealistic and usually only leads to problems in the relationship. Yes a father has a right to see his child, and the child has a right to be able to see their father, in fact it's quite important (there are circumstances which may change that as in physical abuse, but that's another thing). The new guy may feel insecure and jealous of the father, and wants to have him out of his life. In my opinion if he feels this way he should find someone who does not have children, as he is worried about his wants and needs and not of the child, which is not what the parents responsibility is. It's a hard and sad situation. hope this helps in some way.
...............................
A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (27 September 2011):
It's a macho thing the new guy feels the other guy is a threat and wants to remove all trace of the girls past ie be the new father for girlfriends kids.
He has no rights to do this kids needs to see their dads. The mum needs to stand up to speak for her kids rights and not listen to every new guy that enters her life as men come and go but her kids are always there and their happiness counts more than anything.
...............................
|
