A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend, but our relationship seems hopeless, and I think I probably should end it. This seems like an odd reason to hesitate, but I am worried that I will have trouble finding someone new because I was recently diagnosed as being HPV positive. I also have to have a coniscopy in a week to get rid of cancerous cells. My question is, is it likely for me to find a partner again, a husband ever, if I have to tell every guy I have HPV? I don't really think it affects men at all. It's a STD, but the kind I have causes cervical cancer, not warts. My doctor said HPV won't affect men unless except for gay men who engage in anal sex. Still, honestly, how would men respond if I told them this? Not planning on telling a lot, but after I get to know someone, and want to take a chance that they are the one, is it likely they will lose interest after learning about the STD and that I have had issues with cervical cancer?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2011):
 HPV does affect men. Some types of HPV gives genital warts which can be a thing for life so to speak with outbreakes every now and then.
Also, if you pass on HPV to a guy, he may not be affected by the type of HPV you carry, but he CAN pass it on later on to other girls/women.
So YES, it affect the guys too.
HPV often has no signs or symptoms, so it can be hard to detect. That means HPV transmission can happen without anyone knowing it.
You don't even have to have had sex, just had contact with someone who has HPV's genital.
So in my opinion, you need to stay monitored by your doctor and tell any potential sexual partner. Use condoms, and talk to your doctor in what the best ways to avoid passing it on is.
There is no cure for HPV.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 I heard it is very difficult to get the vaccine once you have become sexually active, because the chances are high you already have some type of HPV already. And doctors simply do not give it out. These days only young girls and women who are not already sexually active get the vaccine, at least here in Norway. But it is definitely worth a try! Maybe you can bring him with you to the doctor to discuss it, or a free health clinic?
But yes, maybe instead of calling it an STD, you can tell your boyfriend you have cancer caused by HPV, and that you are in treatment to remove the cancerous cells. And then tell him that this is a contagious cancer that only affects women since it causes cervical cancer, and that therefor, in case you and him do not end up marrying and he later on has a new female partner, you and him need to be careful.
It's the word "STD" itself that scares most men, not the actual STD.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): If it is one of the types of hpv that causes cervical cancer, then there is a possibility that it is one of the types of hpv that the new vaccine prevents against. There was some talk about making the vaccine available to men. Please ask your doctor the exact strain of hpv you have and ask if the vaccine prevents against contracting it. If it does, ask if it is available for men yet. If it is, disclosure of your hpv status shouldn't be as difficult because all the guy has to do to prevent becoming infected, is get the vaccine.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 September 2011):
Men can freak out over things like this, because, not to generalize, but men tend to be scared of microorganisms. They are scared of needles, and they are scared of bacteria, and scared of infections, and scared their balls will fall off or that their penis won't ever work normally again.
However, once the initial hysteria has worn of (in the cases where the men freak out) and they learn about it, and get all the information they need (which can take days and weeks before they are done asking questions about it), they will calm down. And then they'll be cool with it.
I had the HPV that causes warts, and after years of not having the warts it is safe to say you wont be passing anything on (my doctor has told me this several times, to those who wish to argue it). Yet I mentioned it to an ex of mine, who got hysterical over it, saying of course I should have mentioned it (even though he runs no risk of getting any warts, and EVEN IF he got them the warts are just warts... they are treatable. His balls wont fall off.). He also had several questions to ask and at the end of it I felt like a lab rat under observation. But then he got over it. A good friend of mine had the same happen with her ex, when there was a risk of an STD he would freak out, even if none of them had any. Just the idea scared him, no matter the STD in question.
Then again, there are men who couldn't care less. I had a sore on my lip one time, and I was worrying it could be herpes, but my then boyfriend didn't care. He still wanted to kiss me. He said "so what if I get it, it's just a cold sore". It wasn't herpes, but anyway he wouldn't have cared. Then again, he was freaking out over condoms and birth control, needing us to use two forms of contraception and even then he was freaking out over me getting pregnant and close to wanted us to have the pram ready before having sex, just in case...!
If the HPV is something you can pass on, I think you should tell him. Because if he has sex with another woman after you, he will pass it on to her. Which isn't fair. Or if he has anal sex with someone and passes it on that way, that isn't fair to that person. I think you should say it not to protect HIM from it (as it will not affect him), but to protect anyone else he might later have sex with.
Just use condoms and tell him you have it and explain everything to him. This does not mean you wont ever find a man or boyfriend or anyone who wants you. It just means you will need to discuss it with your boyfriend and future partners. It doesn't need to be on the first date, but should be talked about before having sex and before things get too serious. Then they'll need some time to think about it and it'll be ok. It's not the end of the world for the man, I worry more about your own health and how YOU are dealing with this.
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A
female
reader, neomum  +, writes (27 September 2011):
I don't class HPV as an STD because the only way you can be tested is with a smear test and women only have them evey 3 to 5 years where with STD's everyone should be tested after each ex boy/girlfriend and again one month after starting a new relationship. Some women have HPV after only having sex with one man there entire life. I would tell him you have cancer and where but don't tell him its an STD. One day you will marry and the guy will be one lucky fella because your a surviver.
Good luck
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