A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for all the unfaithful and the homewreckers. Why did you cheat!?!? Or help someone cheat!?!? I see so many questions about cheating..and they're the cheaters!! Doesn't anyone know cheating is wrong? And the only acceptable time to be the other woman or man is when you honestly don't know! But i see people on this site that do knowing that they're in a relattionship. Thats wrong. Please tell me why you would screw up your life, your relationship, and possibly your children's lives. Why be involved with someone married and screw uo their children's and wive's lives! Why?! Cheating is selfish and wrong. If you are so unhappy, END THE RELATIONSHIP. I see all these questions about the asker cheating or helping cheat and i honestly think the asker is stupid. So please tell me, why did you cheat or help cheat? PS: if you didn't know he/she was in a relationship, you aren't stupid. And anything that seemed hurtful wasn't directed at you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): There is absolutely NO reason to stay married to someone if you're going to cheat on them.
Seriously, if your marriage is so bad you need someone outside of it... end the marriage.
What possible good are you doing the unknowing spouse, children and family by staying and cheating?
If my spouse wanted to be with someone else, I would much rather him let me go and let me start my life over rather than string me along.
I loathe and despise ANYONE that would get involved with someone they know is already taken.
A
female
reader, Cynthia555 +, writes (19 August 2011):
People cheat because either their needs are not being met or because they like the thrill of it. In my case I haven't cheated but I am seriously considering it. My husband is no longer interested and Im too young to stay celibate.
http://www.peoplesinsight.com/articles/2-relationships/216-completely-sexless-marriage
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): Why do people cheat?? Because monogamy is not natural. Follow the laws of common sense and ask yourself why there are so many therapists, marriage counselors, divorce attorneys, support groups, etc. This whole marriage thing doesn't come natural and it requires more work than running General Motors! Infidelity is not always the root cause for marriage problems, but "going through the motions" and taking each other for granted often leads to couples alienating themselves.
Just look at the facts.....more than half of marriage end in divorce, the ones who stay married often do so because of the kids or financial commitments, and perhaps a very small percentage fall under the true soulmate category. People want excitement in life and they tend to get bored with the same thing.
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female
reader, little lotta +, writes (16 August 2011):
I'd like to ask the homewrecker who said she regretted having had an affair with a married man... So you regret it because you can't have him? Not because you caused the woman to decided to make her life with him FIRST so much pain?
Get your story straight.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 August 2011):
 I agree that emotional cheating is way more hurtful than physical cheating....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): Emotional cheating can actually be worse than physical cheating in my opinion. To lose the love of your life because of an emotional affair is quite contradictory! Don't you think?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): Emotional cheating can actually be worse than physical cheating in my opinion. To lose the love of your life because of an emotional affair is quite contradictory! Don't you think?
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A
male
reader, tby1  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 thanks to cheating although not physically ive lost my entire life, the woman i love who was also my best ever friend the closest person ive ever been with in my life, my 2 sons, my 3 step daughters, my possessions and my home. i never ever thought that emotional cheating would casue this hurt and pain in my life. ive been to hell and back. because of this cheating she doesnt want me, infact im pretty sure she doesnt want anybody else again. which im pleased about as i know im the only man she has ever loved. she has me round occasionally to itch her scrath so to speak and things but she says she wants to be on her own. i hope she never finds anybody else same as ill never find anybody else. and if somehow i should ever get in a relationship again i will never remain faithful to that person, cos the moment the love of my life wants me round ill be going. life is a bitch and the pain it brings isnt nice.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (15 August 2011):
I know I shouldn't reply twice to the same question without a follow-up in between, but I just wanted to thank the anonymous female who was brave enough to post her story. Thank you. I hope your life will stop serving as a warning to others.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): I thought I'd just take a minute to asnwer this as I am a 'homewrecker'.
I understand people will be judging but here goes...
When I met my married lover I feel hook line and sinker, his charm, his humour, his maturity, he oozed sex appeal. Amd ontop of this he spoilt me rotten, I'm not just talking flowers and chocolates, I'm talking designer clothes, buying me a car, sendin me on holiday.
I never made the first move, however I didn't stop him when he leant in for the kiss. It felt so right at the time, all memories of the wife just dissapeared.
Now like every homewreckers tale there soon come tears, tantrums, destruction...and my story is no differant!
Soon enough he was 'trying to find strengh' to leave his wife for me, out came the excuses, 'its the kids, the money, guilt' many of which may be true but it didn't help me in the slightest. It wasn't long before I accepted that I'd never have him to myself and sadly nowadays I have abdolutly no respect for my once 'strong' self!
I am now a weak little girl inside jumping everytime the phone rings, accepting every spare half hour he can give me, picking up what little shred of self respect I have-if any.
My heart breaks on a daily basis, let this be a warning to all women currently in a relationship with a married man- get out before you seriously regret it. Because this pain is not worth anything he is offering.
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A
male
reader, Mark_25_ +, writes (14 August 2011):
 I'm with Kyle on this, your not going to get an answer from a cheater. (I'm not a cheater). You're right in everything that you say, and cheating is wrong, regardless of the situation.Trying to understand someone that has cheated is quite hard, but on rare occasions there are motives behind it. For instance, a friend of mine cheated on her bf, but not through wanting to be with someone else. Her bf had been treating her really badly for a few months, and her patience ran out. She went out to a party, she wasn't looking to cheat on him, but someone showed a genuine interest in her. He was nice to her, polite, and treated her as a girl should be treated. She had drunk a bit too much, and you guessed it, she kissed him. Now in no way am I saying what she did was justifiable, but you can perhaps understand why it happened. I completely agree that she should have left her bf well before anything like her cheating happened, but when your in love with someone you tolerate a lot more than you would usually do.Also, the moment she had done it she felt really bad about doing it, she told her bf as soon as she could, and I know that she is still genuinely ashamed and disgusted with herself for doing that.So, cheating can never be justified, but on rare occasions, I think it can be a genuine mistake. My friend isn't an evil person, she's actually a very genuine and kind person, but she was pushed to the edge. (I did give her a hard time about it as I share exactly the same feelings as you when somebody cheats).So, I hope that story helps :)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 August 2011):
 People in Hell would a drink of water.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (14 August 2011):
OP, I'm happy to see such firmly established values at your age. I hope they will remain intact as you mature. It's refreshing to see after witnessing loads of teens throw themselves on the sex and fun bandwagon, unable to resist their hormones and unaware of the ripple effect they (may) cause.
As for why people cheat, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? Here are (in my opinion) some key factors.
#1. I think it has a lot to do with upbringing, friend/peer influences and personality traits. I suspect you were brought up / exposed to strong morals and values from a young age, whether it be from friends or family. The viewpoints of the people that are a big part of your life leave their mark on you, whether you intend it to or not. Those who are set loose as a child, with little rules to abide to and less morals will find it much easier to cheat than you.
#2. It's about how far you're willing to give into temptation and whether you view giving into temptation as a bad thing or not. There are a lot of people who will go to extreme lengths to excuse their own behavior, even if it's only to ease their own minds with delusions. Those who realize actions have consequences and are willing to accept their responsibilities will not cheat easily.
I was in love with a married man once. I chose not to pursue him because I would not be able to live with myself if I'd tear his family apart because of my selfish needs. I saw him twice, sometimes even 3 times a week (same sport). He never knew I was in love with him--he might have suspected, but I never told him-- and that was one of the best decisions I've ever made. That's just me though and unfortunately I know a lot of people who don't care whom they trample in pursuit of their goal.
#3. Society has changed. Cheating, getting divorced, etc. are not such a big deal anymore as it used to be. Less pressure from society means it's easier to give into temptation because there's no damnation looming from above.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): i have had numerous opprotunities to cheat but i respected myself and the sanctity of my hb and marriage AND i made a conscious decision not to cheat.
at least i can look at myself in the morror and i can sleep well.
LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks!! I see so many "i love my married lover" or "me and my lover are both married but we have this and this problem" questions and it gets me so angry. I mean, you did this to yourself. Thanks for answering, it helped alot.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Hi, I really like your question and agree with everything that you say...why because I have been a victim of this. My husband cheated on me and she knew he was married with a 6 month old baby. I would like to know how anyone could knowingly rec someones marriage and esp where children are involved. I wasn't the only one that got hurt, my little boy got hurt too as because of the 'homewrecker' doesn't see his dad. I do not understand why he won't even see his child, but I think the 'homewrecker' as alot to do with it although he does have a mind of his own. They are both to blame.
It's funny how we don't have any answers from homewreckers to this question or cheaters....there is nothing wrong with this question, some people may think its a bit harsh but you are speaking the truth and there is nothing wrong with that at all so good for you. I will be watching out to see if you do get any answers from cheaters and homewreckers!
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Wow, I feel the exact same way when I see questions like that. They knew that person was taken but they keep going and don't expect to get hurt in the process. Stupid really.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Easier said than done. Everyone who hasn't been in this situation assumes cheaters are evildoers and the only answer is to leave your current partner first. Problem is, we are human, and love and emotion do not always follow black and white boundaries or some sort of rulebook. I firmly believe that many good people cheat...not because they lack morals or integrity, but because they are simply in a bad relationship and find a way out. I also believe happy people do not cheat, and good marriages do not fail. Being happy is not selfish. In fact, I think far too few people pursue a textbook lifestyle, career, sense of what the rest of the world deems "successful", and they miss out on what really makes them happy. I think if you want to label cheaters, label them more as opportunists, maybe insecure or lost. But not as dysfunctional...that is a gross generalization that is simply not accurate.
All that said, I think cheating has a terrible range of effects...like ripples in a pond, it spreads to affect far more than what one originally expects. I will never do it again. It practically ruined my life as I knew it. But you know what? I am happier than I have ever been and so is my ex. In our case, it worked out for the better and she has even thanked me for it. Sure, it is a bit sad that we could not have realized such happiness in the latter part of our marriage, but we KNOW we never could. So we KNOW it had to end. The means by which happiness is derived can pale in comparison to happiness itself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): OP i am not and have never cheated.
But know of many who have esp in my family.
Cheaters/homewreckers are a law onto themselves. They do not bother about right or wrongm they feel that they are entitled to "happiness" at the expense of others. They lack morals and integrity yet they believe they are victims.
People cheat bec they want to and bec they have opportunity.
Cheaters contribute to our dysfunctional society.
We can never get rid of homewreckers. This is an ageold problem.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (13 August 2011):
Hi, sorry, I am not a cheater, but I want to answer your question anyway. And besides, I would be surprised if anyone answered your question after the way you asked it. You basically told the potential answerer that they were wrong and bad and stupid, so insults won't really get people to talk.There is no rational reason. There is no justification.Some people are just plain bad, and bad stems from selfishness. They just don't realize that life is an integrated activity, that involves the trust and cooperation of many people. This includes keeping your marriage vows.Sex is also an overwhelming drive, and some people just can't handle it at all.And that is a more honest answer than you will get from any cheater. After all, if they are a cheater, they are a liar too.Lastly, I guarantee you that every cheater did it thinking that they would NOT screw up their marriage, their home and their lives, be able to hide it and get away with it. No one starts doing drugs thinking they are going to become an addict either.
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