A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I would say I fall into the 'nice guy' catagory and yet everytime I ask a girl out (and I've done this many times) they say no and end up with some jerk who just wants to use them. I don't even think there is anyone even remotley interested in me.How come girls say they're looking for a 'nice guy' when the only people they go out with are dumb asshole jocks? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 The question that occurs to me is, what kind of girls are you asking out? Are they the nice girls or are they those bitches that so many guys are secretly attracted to? :)
Another problem is that "nice guys" too often come across as insipid. I suggest that you should start building up your "credentials", not by becoming an arsehole, but by becoming an "interesting guy". Let's face it, for some people "nice guy" is just a euphemism for a "boring guy". You don't have to be an arsehole to be interesting, but you do have to start developing your talents so that they'll be recognised by the women out there. I'm sure that a few unexpected revelations about your interests and abilities will cause the ears of those nice girls out there to prick up.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, theOC +, writes (24 June 2008):
As someone mentioned previously, personality traits are apparent when you compare a nice guy and an asshole.
A majority of women find the jerk more appealing because of confidence. Generally speaking, nice guys don't have the kind of confidence the jerk would have.
I can't speak for women, but from my experience, confidence plays an important role in picking up women.
Also, if you're a nice guy, you tend to agree and do everything for the girl when asked. I would think that many women find that unattractive. No woman wants a man who she can walk all over and would prefer a challenge instead.
You should change the nice guy mentality since nice guys do finish last. There's so much to talk about this issue, but let me know if you have any questions.
Oh yes and not to flame on any of the females that posted, but I see a lot of them complaining about THEIR side of the story: "what about nice girls?"
The question is about nice guys finishing last. You are able to post a new topic about nice girls and shallow cheerleader type girls.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Baby Doll, Just wait for your time. All women want the Stud, the Jock....but in the end all they want is someone like you. You are still young. I know this sounds hard, but just wait for your time...Wait. And the Lady of your dreams will be there for you. It's all about maturity. You seem to have it, but the women you seek, seem to lack it. Just bide you time. Let the lady's come you you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): can i just say that often times i feel the same way, but just vice versa. i wonder-- why the hell would these guys always go for the shallow, ditsy, cheerleader-type girls (though i'm not saying all cheerleader girls are ditsy)? why wouldn't they want someone of substance, who has a good head on her shoulders and likes discussing and doing things other than shopping?
but then i also often realize, that if those guys, whom i thought so great, are gonna bother chasing after girls like that, then obviously they're not my type of guy.
..so my question for you is, just what kinda girls are you aiming for---obviously if the girls are too shallow to not be able to see a great guy in front of them, maybe they're not the right girls for you anyway---
try looking away from that crowd and looking toward other girls, perhaps ones that match the good-character you claim to have..
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 How do you define yourself as nice?
My husband is a 'nice' guy, he is decent kind caring considerate generous and very loving. He is also extremely masculine, sexy, hairy, big, strong and good looking.
I dont think I have ever turned anyone down for being too 'nice'. There usually has to be more to it.
Like the guy who still lived with his mum and dad at 40 and had to ask permission to go out
Or the guy who told me after our first date that he couldnt bear the thought of me sleeping with another man and yet we hadnt even shared a kiss
Or the guy who told me had a shoe fetish and asked to kiss my feet in a crowded pub ten minutes after meeting him and said he had a car full of stillettos
Or the guy who shot his load in his pants when I touched his leg
The list goes on and on, they were all nice guys but then so is my husband and he got a look in obviously. So it wasnt the niceness that made me say no it was other things.
So maybe if you tell us your chat up technique or the kind of things you do or say when you meet a lady we can say what is going wrong or maybe you just havent found the right lady yet or are looking in the wrong places!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): It's all just cruel Darwinism. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Guys who can get away with being jerks and still have decent social success are powerful. Power equals good genetics.Guys who treat a girl with indifference or an attitude half the time are probably not worried about losing her. Which is a pretty good sign that they're "out of her league" and could do just as well or better if she left. Which means she's doing pretty well to get his genetics again.If you want to know when your nice-guy type ever gets some attention, just wait a few years. Once girls are old enough to have had a batch of kids fathered by assholes, they'll "grow out of it" and suddenly want a nice and decent guy like you. You see, somebody has to raise all her asshole-fathered kids now. You're not great for genetics but you're useful to be a good parent and provider to the a**holes' kids.(Just watch out for when she's ready to have some more kids. Then it'll be time to find a fresh a**hole for a quick "I'm sorry but it just happened" sexual affair.)
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female
reader, Tiny Dancer +, writes (23 June 2008):
Maybe i can give you a female perspective on this one. I was with a so-called "nice guy". He was wonderful and i gave him up, because at that stage, i decided the grass must be greener somewhere else. I've very much discovered that it isn't.Bad boys, when you're younger (and a girl) are exciting, a challenge. And there's that age old animal instinct in a woman that says "I'm going to be enough to make him change, i can rescue him!"As i've gotten older, my instinct has changed. I don't see these kind of men and think "ohmygod he is the guy for me!" - instead i run miles. This type of guy is a dime to the dozen.What i'm saying is when guys and girls are hitting those teenage years, nice guys do, apparently, finish last. But as we get older,nice guys are sought after but impossible to find - probably because we've convinced them they need to be bad to get our attention!Hold on in there, be true to who you are, go for your passions and follow your heart. And when the girl for you comes along, her eyes will be open, and you won't just be a "nice guy" - you'll be a hell of a lot more!
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A
male
reader, bfire +, writes (23 June 2008):
Hey, the past 5 years I have also analyzed this problem. Since when I was 17 I had my last girlfriend, until now (almost 23) where I don't have a girlfriend. Why this 5 year gap?
I am considered a "nice" "kind" "funny" "handsome" guy. I don't use these words to describe myself, these are what my friends say, both male and female. I have never treated a girl poorly, and with really my last girlfriend, sex was the last thing on my mind because I didn't want her to think that is why I was dating her. I was raised by my mother and my older sister, so I heard all the things girls hate in guys, but rarely the things they liked. Because of this though, I usually avoided physical contact, which now (5 years too late) I realize it is wrong.
Nice guys are generally more shy. Plus they may seem boring on the surface. Although they may know how to treat a girl, they don't seem to be as fun, wild and carefree.
Like I said I am almost 23, and what I am starting to notice is girls my age are now possibly taking more interest in me. Why? Because since they were 16 until their present age 22/23 they have dated jerks. They lived the fun and fast life, but realize in the end it isn't so much fun because they end up in pain.
Point is, if a girl would rather go for a bastard of a guy, she isn't very smart is she? Granted she may be beautiful and kind, and your type, etc. But if you are such a great guy and she can't see it, well it's her loss.
Overall though, I think the root of the problem is how nice guys act. They try to be as far away from 'sexual' as possible so that they don't come off as a jackass. In truth though, this is the wrong approach. You don't want to come of as a sex maniac but to be flirtatious, a bit more outgoing, and when you start to get to know a girl a bit more, a bit more intimate, this is good. And generally, girls like this.
I am guessing you are like 18 or 19, since "jocks" is generally a high school term. Wait until you get into college where there is a good percentage of girls interested in attitude, intellect, and much more than athletic 'asshole' abilities or whatever you wanna call it. Then again, you may be like me and be single throughout your college carrier. In the end, look deep inside yourself and you will find the answer...yeah I know sounds cheesy, but I am sure you will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Hahaha- you sound like a right laugh.
The thing is you see- us girls think of the nice guys more as friends and when the nice guys ask us out we get a bit pannicked because they don't want to ruin our friendships with you guys.
Instead we go for guys that we think will show us a "good time" and if we break up with the it was just a fling with some daft guy who we didn't really have that much feeling for, so it doesn't hurt as much.
I don't know why we do it, tbh, you just got to find the right girls.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Well why would you even want to date a girl who only dates jerks? Have you ever heard the expression "you are who your friends are"? If they're only dating jerks then that's telling you a lot about these girls' character, so it sounds like you are better off without them anyway...Right?Not everybody is going to like you. And perhaps you are overlooking all the girls you might have a potential with because instead you are chasing girls who aren't interested in you. You seem to want what you can't have and sometimes it is best to be practical and chase what is actually within your reach.And you seem to be so sure that these "other" guys are such jerks and you are such a "nice" guy. And I think that is a pretty biased way of looking at things. How can you be so sure? And what makes you so "nice"? How are you any different from the average guy? In the end, you all have the same goal in mind, which is to have sex...Only difference is that it comes easier to some guys than it comes to you. But put yourself in the "jocks" shoes, where you could get any girl you wanted...would you still be a "nice" guy? You seem to think that "nice" guys are the ones who can't get girls. You are wrong. There are MANY nice guys who can get any girl they want. A genuinely "nice" guy is one who doesn't let his ego get in the way of things. You, on the other hand, want and keep pursuing what you can't have and are becoming bitter about it. That's a huge ego trip right there. "Nice" guys never let their egos get in the way. A truly nice guy would take rejection with humility and modesty and wish the girl the best. And he definitely wouldn't be bitter about it. He'd move on with ease. And THAT is what makes someone desirable.I think if you questioned your definition of "a nice guy" and tried to work harder to actually be what a "nice" guy really is, you might actually make some progress with girls...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Why do nice girls finish last? Home come guys say they're looking for a nice girl when the only people they go out with are dumb shallow bitches?
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