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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello ladies, I have a really deep question which I'm having trouble getting the answers. I'm currently 26, and I've had over 30 Relationships failed, I never gave up but I keep asking myself why. My friend (who is a gal) says that I'm "Too Nice", lots of people say that.Though I'm not an idiot, I do know when to take my rights, and when to defend myself. So Why do nice guys end up last? My last girl left me for a guy who's honestly a jerk, no respect whatsoever and he treats her like shit.I know the regular reason, either he's a wuss or he's dead in a living. Well I ain't a wuss for sure, and I keep a relationship alive. So what is the problem here?? WHY DO NICE GUYS ALWAYS END UP LAST?! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): This is not true. When you are nice person , it just takes a little longer to find the right one. I love nice guys and when a man is nice it tells me he is self assured and does not have to act like an arrogant jerk to make himself feel better..Always be yourself and you will be just fine!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): It varies dude. Girls like to be respected and heard. THey want their feelings known and their desires reciprocated. THey like shy, but want confidence too. I see a lot of guys jus t being overly polite. Are you one of them?...you don't greet a girl at a club or out somewhere like you are Louis the XVII and you're at a cotillion. Sometimes I think You don't just come out and ask for her number either. I'm honestly terrible at pick up lines, but I do know what women like. And when they get to know me, they are usually hooked. I'm fairly good looking, athletic, educated, ex-military and have a great job. But I still have to work like a dog to get the women I want. I think most of all, women want you to be observant. THe girl I'm currently with says the thing that really won her over, was when I noticed she was cold in my car and I turned the heat up. She didn't even notice she had goosebumps, but I did. It's the little things that can make a huge difference.
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A
female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (15 July 2010):
Have a look at the kind of girl you're attracted to.
But here's another side. I read a book called "Dateable" which explains the reason why girks often choose the jerk over the nice guy. The reason is this:
Jerks are exciting. (I'm not saying you aren't) They keep a woman on her toes and its interesting for her, it appeals to the sense of adventure in her. Obviously they're foolish and its the wrong kind of adventure they get from jerks.
So do you think you're adventurous and exciting? Do you fulfil a woman's need for adventure? If yes, then revert to what CaringGuy said - its the girls you go out with, not you.
Good luck! :) Hope you come right. And for the record? I dumped the only jerk I've ever dated. I date ONLY nice guys now - I'm with one now
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 I don't know if with over 30 relationships by the age of 26 you fully qualify for stereotypical Nice Guy... It sounds to me that you have been around enough for being at least half naughty half nice...:)
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (15 July 2010):
Maybe you're nice, but maybe you're also weak, boring and not seen as exciting and adventurous?
You should go back to your female friend and ask her for the blunt honest truth, I think you'd be surprised by what you hear.
I'd say I'm a "nice" guy, but at the same time I always aim to be a strong man, a leader, to keep my woman on her toes and try keep things exciting and new for her. It's those kind of things that make you attractive to the opposite sex. Being nice is just an added bonus.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 Maybe... Just maybe it's not you? It's the women you tend to hook up with? Maybe the type you are unconsciously drawn too are the women who rather date a jerk?
Get back on that horse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): Nice guys don't come last if you stop racing, then you can just sit back and enjoy life without worrying. In other words, stop caring, and you will find that life isn't a race.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (15 July 2010):
 I can tell you from experience, nice guys usually end up last because they don't take chances. They don't put any pressure on women or truly go after them because, well.... they're too nice. Sooner or later that nice guy needs to learn that if he doesn't step up and take chances then he's not going to get the girl.
However, I believe your situation is different, and I agree with CaringGuy here. Generally, the nice guys who "Finish Last" don't usually have too many relationships. They just never get the girl. You on the other hand, have had over 30 relationships. Now, from an objective point of view I would have to agree with CaringGuy that maybe it's they type of girls you keep choosing. Take his advice and take a step back and look at the type of girl you have dated. See if you notice anything.
There is also a chance that your definition of "nice" is a girl's definition of "needy" or "clingy" or even "smothering".
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 July 2010):
I'd suggest that you need to look at the type of girl you're attracted to. I'm a nice guy, and I tried to be nice, but also interesting and such. But I never had any luck, partially because of shyness, partially because I ended up very hurt on two occasions. So, I looked at the type of girl I was attracted to. And I found that I was attracted to girls that needed 'saving', if you like. None were secure, none were happy. So have a serious look at the type of girl you're attracted to.
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male
reader, conswalo wasabi +, writes (15 July 2010):
seriously im a nice guy but i would have punched the guy my girl left me for. Oh and did which ended up with me getting her back because the twisted thing was she was turned on by having guys fight over her. Just a thought
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