A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello! My name is Scott and I have a question about women. "Why is it that most women would let hell freeze before they tell a guy they like them?" I'm pretty sick and tired of asking girls this and the only thing they can think of is not wanting to be rejected which I think is very pathetic. They have a ball rejecting men for any reason so why not woman up and make attempts too? Do you think guys could go around saying that to women? Women are always screaming for equally rights and stuff but when these factors come into play they buckle.I admire girls who go after what they want. They know they might be rejected but they do it anyway and suffer the consequences. I've asked girls many times this question: "Would you propose to a man you're madly in love with because you eagerly can't wait anymore and he loves you too but just hasn't asked yet?"I've been asking since highschool and now I'm in my senior year of college and I can write on this forum that 95% of these woman pretty much said the same thing:"NO! Because I wouldn't want us to one day get into a fight and he makes it seem as I was the one who forced him into marriage."Are you kidding me? You'd rather let the man of your dreams go because of a fight which may or may not happen? I'm not saying I WANT to be propose to by my girlfriend but I wouldn't throw a tantrum either, its the morals behind it I'm highlighting.I have a friend, Tia, who I once made an attempt to be with, she refused to be with me so I stopped. Now, years later we're closer friends that ever, best friends, and I'm not sure but I think she might like me a bit now, but I REFUSE to step up and say something this time. If she likes me now why can't she just say "Scott I think I like you" why is that so hard?I'm so tired of women saying they don't want to be rejected. Men don't like being rejected either but it happens to them everyday. That's not a good enough excuse. I'm not talking about the tradition of men making the 1st move, I'm talking about the average women (most of them) who would rather die that speak up when necessary. So please tell me guys especially girls. Why do you say things like?
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 I would NEVER ask a man out and this is why: I like the man to be confident, assertive and take charge. If they don't have the balls to express their interest up front, then they're NOT my TYPE. There is nothing attractive about a shy, whimpy man, who lacks confidence with the ladies. Passive men don't interest me, nor do they interest most women. I like the man to be more aggressive and assertive in the beginning of a relationship, as do most women. Why do you think "bad boys" and "players" get so many women? It's definitely not because they're waiting on the women to ask them out. Dating is about romancing the woman and sweeping her off her feet. The sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be.
A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (8 January 2012):
 Because girls have different mentalities than men.
In society, it's usually the man that does the asking, because back in the day, it was also the man that did the courting. He would bring her flowers, and ask her father for her hand. A knight would fight for a lady's honor, in hopes of winning her hand. It's how humans function. A lot of women and girls dont like asking guys because that's typically not their role (And yes, the word role could be sexist, but it's really not. I'm talking about human mentality throughout the ages)
There are some women who have evolved past that, and do the asking, but a lot of women dont, simply because it's the thing that guys do.
Girls usually aren't comfortable with doing the asking, either, because this is a societal norm. Just like it's a societal norm for girls to wear skirts. You'd feel uncomfortable in a skirt. But that being said, there are men who have evolved past that, in scotland, that wear kilts, which are plaid skirts. As well as the many crossdressers in the world.
So to sum it up, yeah, some/a lot of girls do fear rejection (Guys say the same thing. It took forever for my boyfriend to ask me out, even though we both kinda knew we liked eachother)
And some girls aren't comfortable with doing that.
But there are some girls who are, and I guess those are the type for you, since you dont seem to want to be the one to actually initate anything...
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A
female
reader, crummyscreenname +, writes (8 January 2012):
Hey Scott-
I'm a pman and I don't know the answer to your question. I can tell you, though, that when I really like a guy, not only can I not tell him that I'm interested in him, but I am so terrified that I almost totally ignore him! I can't look him in the eyes, I can't even look at him at all sometimes, I can't bring myself to say hi first, it's really difficult to make small talk and I CAN'T get comfortable around them for long. And I can't flirt with them.
Flirting with random guys that I'm not that interested in is easy but throw someone I actually like in there and I can barely say "hi, how was your weekend" to them in public. Even when I was dating my ex (we were together for about a year), I found myself almost totally ignoring him or else acting like we were just pals, in certain public venues. And this is a guy that I was totally in love with.
However, I know some women who are very straightforward and even aggressive with guys they like, and it works out just fine for them. I'm pretty shy and socially awkward, so I usually just feel stupid and awkward when I try to be cute and flirty- or I start thinking about how stupid and awkward and obvious and pathetic I must seem to everyone around me- and then I totally freeze up.
I also used to be much more straightforward in the past, but that was when I was young and you know how horribly mean kids can be- not just one person rejects you, but an entire group of them tease and make fun of you. Maybe it's the same problem with the girls that you've had experience with.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (8 January 2012):
 I remember reading a book when I was a teenager called "The Rules." It taught us how to be a lady and wait for the guy to persue us if they really liked us. For me it always worked. At one time,I tried going up to guys and asking them out. I think they looked at me as being desperate or there was something wrong with me... For me, the key was to be approachable. I was always smiling. Being friendly and light with conversations worked for me also. I think the combination of everything shines through and makes guys want to meet me :) Call me old fashioned. I know today things are diferent with the internet, ect... I think you need to relax and take a chill pill. There's a quality girl out there waiting for you to be a gentleman and ask her out ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2012): any time I've EVER told a guy - in whatever words - that I like him, he runs a mile. It takes a hell of a lot for me to do that and it has happened to me at least twice. And honestly, believe me, I realise now that I was a "Grade A" female and maybe still am. But weirdly, I am rarely EVER approached by men. I am honestly not being big headed here, I spent years believing that I was ugly or that there was something wrong with me. It is something to do with Alpha males needing an Alpha female and also needing to feel that they have "won" a girl. So if you are a girl who they perceive as being like an Alpha female but you don't feel like that at all, and then you tell them that you like them, they don't feel they have won you and you get rejected as a "Beta female" just because you naively said that you like them. It really, really hurts. There is nothing I would like more than to literally meet a guy like you that I could just sit down with and talk openly and honestly with about how the whole situation sucks for both sides. Also, bear in mind that girls find it hard to tell guys that they like them not just because they fear rejection but because women can be really very cruel to one another - if they know that a girl has been rejected by a guy, they can find ways to put her down and make it hurt more - honestly. Not all women are like that, but a lot are out there competing for the best guy, and it causes lots of problems that guys can't even imagine. It is also something that we have drilled into us - "If he's not man enough to ask you out, he won't ever protect you and protect the family that you might have". I know, it sucks, but having spent nearly two decades with a guy who expected me to lead everything - and hating every second that I had to - I really need a guy to show that he likes me. I'm a strong woman, and the moment I feel safe I will show someone just how much they mean to me, but I need to feel safe first and I think many women are the same. At least, I hope that. I hope it is not all just a game.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (8 January 2012):
For me it was the way I was raised. I had a conservative catholic upbringing, so what I am about to write may seem almost archaic but...i was told that a man should always ask a woman and any woman who pursued a man and made her intentions known would be used. Essentially, I was taught that if I pursued a guy or told him I liked him he would take advantage of me and then dump me.
While I am probably not in the majority...I do know that there are still girls and women raised in conservative religious families who were taught the same thing I was and have not been able to let go of this upbringing.
Other women feel that if a man doesn't ask her, he isn't interested, or is afraid of rejection and therefore not masculine enough to be considered a partner.
Still other women may be afraid of you rejecting them (like you mentioned). This is especially true if you are above-average in attractiveness and you tend to crush on girls who are average in looks...or even if your type is a personality and not looks.
Finally, you may seem unapproachable because of your personality. You could be too macho, or too nice. My personality caused issues when i was dating and I've had men tell me they would have asked me...but they thought I was a lesbian because my dress and mannerisms apparently indicate I'm not interested in men.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 January 2012):
 Maybe she doesn't tell you she likes you because she knows you're bitter, resentful and angry and knows you can't possible be emotionally healthy enough for a relationship with her yet?
I know that if I was friends with a dude who was as bitter as you, I'd NEVER ask you out.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 I think confidence plays a major role in this. Some girls are confident enough to make the first move, but some girls just aren't that forward!!
Some people grow in confidence, and some will just be shy for the rest of their lives.
Girls these days don't want to be humiliated by their friends. If a bloke gets rejected, normally he'll laugh it off with with his mates giving him a bit of stick for a while, but girls are so much meaner. If a girl gets rejected, the other girls make fun of her, for example, the reason for the rejection is coz they're ugly or a bit fat, which can really traumatize people!! I know because i've seen it time and time again working in schools, it's hard for kids nowadays.
So when you say that most girls say it's because they don't want to be rejected, you're right, but there are underlying issues as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): Well, I'm a woman, and furthermore I live in Macholand, Mexico... and I declared my feelings to a man I loved.
Most women are raised with the notion that the guy should make the first move, but I realized time was running out and I was sick of waiting.
Scared? I have never been so terrified in my life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): HOLY ANGER ISSUES!
Seriously?
First off, don't generalize. I and my sisters and my daughters are not that 'type' of woman. We speak our minds but I think it has everything to do with confidence as well as how your parents raised you.
I had a very Alpha Male Loving, Goofy Dad and a very meek Mother. They worked together though. Mom taught that women are supposed to be shy, gentle, kind, and let a man be a man.
My Dad said a woman can still be a woman and all that stuff but if you want something, open the yapper or get off the crapper.
Its a societal norm that woman wait. I perosonally think its bull. But I wish I had played coy at least once. It would be nice to be pursued at least ONCE.
And from my experience, I intimidated the guys in highschool. They PREFERED that coy girl that played games.
Even in the adult dating world its this way. Only seems a few shy guys liked my ballsy approach. I was often told I was a very attractive woman, intelligent, witty, comfortable to be around, but I scared the hell out of them. So I wouldn't get far because of this.
So it goes both ways there Dude.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
So if YOU WANT something with TIA, why dont you open the yapper or get off the crapper.
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