A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do men need to watch porn? Every time i go away from home my husband masturbates and watch porn,even if we had sex 2-3 times during the week. It makes me feel uncertain about his love for me. I have told him that but now he does it when I am not at home. It makes me doubt his sincerity to our marriage. He assures me alot how much he loves me, have not cheated on me ever. How should I handle this?
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female
reader, sarah w  +, writes (19 July 2008):
 i would say join him on the experience,if after a while you still feel uncomfortable then express how you feel..
A
female
reader, sarah w +, writes (19 July 2008):
i would say join him on the experience,if after a while you still feel uncomfortable then express how you feel..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): Porn objectifies woman- the very thing we have been fighting since the 20's and probably since the beginning of time. As modern woman we think we are so powerful because we are business owners, CEO's, and community leaders- but how can we actually say we respect ourselves as valuable people when we allow or even encourage the objectification of our own gender by men.
Despite my introduction, I do not believe pornography issues should be a battle of power between you and your husband. If you love one another then present your feelings honestly and openly, in a non-accusatory way: Why does he look at it? How does it make him feel? Tell him exactly how it makes you feel- perhaps he has never thought of how it affects you!
If you used traditional marriage vows, they contained the very precious words "To cherish." Cherishing someone means to value and adore- How can someone who really cherishes you and your body explore other woman? Also, if you cherish him, then you want him all to yourself. A little jelousy can be healthy!
Pour all your love and desires on him and expect the same in return.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): from nc - rj says that i am dealing w/this myself but my husband doesn't know I know yet. I am not sure if I am going to tell him I found out he orders adult movies when I am at work (15 in the past 2yrs) or use it to my advantage somehow but that feels wrong. I am just not sure if I want to ruin his fun or if I am letting it ruin my marriage by doing so.
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A
male
reader, ptownpetey87  +, writes (14 January 2008):
 honestly... porn is not a big deal. I love my girlfriend, and i still watch porn. WE EVEN WATCH IT TOGETHER. Its fantasy. Not reality. The real thing is 10000X better than porn. Every guy knows that and apreciates that. If you really want to turn your guy in, ask him to a movie night... just you and him... and put in some soft core porn. will get him in the mood... and prolly you in the mood. If your comfortable with it, act it out, its great fun! trust me... your guy will love it, and there will be no doubt in your mind that he wants you more than that!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): I agree star that its not going to change overnight but we have to start somewhere right......whilst a handful of us are scared about losing something 'good' over this it creates a real barrier to the change that will eventually happen...and afterall, how 'good' can it be when men cant even respect our feelings enough to stop using porn....they dont need it they wont die without it....its time for them to step up and make a decision about what is more important..a bit of fun with their hand or the feelings of the woman they love.
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female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (13 January 2008):
 Female anon below me:
I really like what you have said here. Yes we should not accept it and force a change in society. But I dont think its just that simple. I am totally against porn and all that it stands for but Im not going to lose what I have over some mild porn use. Society isnt going to change overnight and whether we like it or not, we have all been socialized to objectify women, men and women alike.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): Sweetie do not cave in to society (and the last two posters) who tell you that porn is acceptable...IT SIMPLY NEVER IS....or too long women have been encouraged to accept this as OK and now women are starting to stand up and say...'No this is not right'. Women are not on earth to fulfill mens desires...we are our own people...Its all about commitment...and respect...if he is happy for you to date other men to get a bit of extra romance on the side then you might be ok with him getting his little bit of extra visual stimulation on the side, right? But in truth any man would be horrified if we expected to be able to get our wants (NOT NEEDS) met outside the relationship yet they seem to think its ok for them to...talk about double standard..Bottom line is...you choose to share your body with him..he should feel privileged for that...not just dis it by checking out every other womans body that he can....I wont even go into the fact that all these women he ogles are someones daughter..he has absolutely no way of guaranteeing that they are women and not girls....Men will only stop trying this crap on when women stand up and give them a choice...'Its me and a bit of respect or you and your hand'.....lets see how long their telling us its OK when we give them that choice....women need to take back control of their happiness and stop letting men disrespect them like this...if sharing our bodies with them means so little that we will be just one of thousands of naked women they look at then we should simply stop sharing our bodies and hearts with them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): DO NOT listen to any of the people saying that looking at porn is cheating, or pathetic, or means your man doesnt love you. Biologically men just have a much greater need for sex, and sexual stimulation than women, and if you can, im sure he'd love it if you did it with him more often, but if you just dont feel up to it, then i think its perfectly alright for him to do what hes doing. This IS NOT a sign that he doesn't love you, hes just a guy. You shouldnt make him feel bad about it though or like hes a kid again sneaking candy or whatever. You could even ask if you could look at it with him once, just to see what its like and show him that youre ok with it. When he sees that you are, you may find that he even finds it less tempting to look at, and/or that your sex life with him improves.
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female
reader, Ms Shibari +, writes (12 January 2008):
I'm really concerned about some of the responses you've recived. Lots of women feel as you do about porn. Life has taught me that men are much more visual then women and for them porn is a normal part of eveyday life. They do not link porn with love and it is possible for your partner to fully love you and find you attractive, sexy and be fulfilled with your sex life and still have a desire to watch porn. My partner watches porn but we talk about it or watch porn together as part of foreplay. Most men know that porn isn't real it's just fantasy and women just fantasise in different ways about different things. Try to talk about it more and not take it personally. Of course it is possible to have an unhealthy porn relationship but i'm not sure that is what you are describing. You could try watching it together or looking at a magazine together and talking about what he likes and hopefully about what you like. Try more couples based mags such as Desire or erotica based DVDs as these cater for both men and women. I hope this helps coming from another woman and good luck and take care. I wish you well.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): It's just PORN. Get over it woman.What is the big deal, its not like he's out chasing down teenagers at nightclubs.Men have higher sex drives than women. This is fact. Women can last longer but men want it more.And if a man is tued down to a woman he loves who's sex drive by nature cannot compete with his, he needs to get rid of the urges somehow and imagining having sex with Halle Berry and Jessica Biel at the same time just doesn't cut it.We are a visual sex and porn is a visual aid in masturbation, nothing more.So calm the hell down and just learn to live with it. After all we have to learn to live with all the crap women do that bothers us (ie. discussing feelings on an alarmingly detailed and constant basis), so gives us this one tiny little thing.Flynn 24
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male
reader, xylplxym +, writes (12 January 2008):
Well first of all it should be said that watching porn is not simply an action that can be cut off right away (thought i wish it were). It is an addiction, a very powerful one because it involves the pleasure of sex which is the greatest amount of pleasure a person can recieve. And note a said "recieve", meaning that both must "give" themselves fully to pleasure the other not pleasure themselves. When he is looking at porn do you think it is for his own pleasure or yours? Its for him obviously and you should not be okay with that. It doesn't matter whether he loves you or not. You are married, and following that vow, lusting (by that i strictly mean imagining having sex not simple attraction) for any one including those electronic images on a screen IS cheating. You need to confront him about it. I would not suggest seeking revenge by doing the same as guys like him would only think that you are seeing things his way and you don't want that. This is the time to use your communication skills(the key to a successful marriage) and seriously talk about it. And don't let the last words be him telling you how much he loves you, thats not a valid conclusion to this problem.
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male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 In my opinion you should just let it slide.
When I have a girlfriend I still look at porn, and I'd never cheat on anyone. Looking at porn in no way means he doesn't care for you, when you're not around he just has to satisfy his sex needs, and watching porn is easier than trying to come up with a scenario in your head. That's it.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 If you discover your husband not only watch pornography in the internet ,but also stores those lurid images on your computer,what would be your reactions, apathy , anger or rage?
Different people will have different opinions or reactions.How the wife reacts will depend on each individual. Some may think it is not a big deal while others are outraged or feel degraded , insulted and shamed.
You can read the rest of the story from this link;-
http://laura1318.wordpress.com/2007/10/21/can-pornography-threaten-your-marriage/
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female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (11 January 2008):
As long as he loves you then there is nothing to worry about. Personally, I hate the use of porn but that doesnt mean that I dont face the same problem a lot of women do.
How to handle it? I think the best way to handle it is to allow him to be open about it. Dont make it something that he will get punished for, I think thats the worst you could do. Be honest with him, tell him you dont like it. Its up to you whether or not to accept it. I find it easier to accept that my boyfriend looks at porn but Id much rather him not do it in front of me. I think its better that I dont see him looking at. To me, its direspectful to sit there and stare and some pron star when Im in the same room. And no, I dont deprive him of anything, he deprives me! So, in my case its not the amount of sex, not that he doesnt want me, its just something to look at.
Anyways, just be open with your partner. As long as you two have a healthy sex life and he isnt prefering the porn over you, I think you will be ok. If you love each other, you can work anything out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): As long as he loves you and he and you are satisfied with your sex lives together then I wouldn't worry about it. Us men seem to normally want sex more than most women. Two or 3 times a week is not a lot in your 30s, so maybe he wants sexual stimulation more often. My wife and I were normally having sex 6 to 10 times a week when we were in our 30s. Of course, if you have children then I can understand the less frequency. When in our 50s, my wife had a stressful job and didn't want sex as much, so I watched porn on those days. A lot of times we watch it together. Sometimes she doesn't want a long lovemaking session and asks me to watch it for a while before bed so that I am quicker. Not often, but occasionally.
Porn doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or want sex with you more than anyone else. I have never actually desired sex with any of the "actresses" more than I have with my wife. When we had sex nearly every day then I rarely watched, unless together.
You should try watching it with him sometime. You might find that you become unusually excited together. It could even add a little extra kick to your sex lives on special occasions. We sill watch it after a nice dinner when we have had a little more to drink than the half glass of wine that we normally have with dinner. It really helps us get extra turned on during the kissing and fondling.
If you really can't stand it then you will have to talk to him, but he will probably still want to do it when you are away. I can't say, as my wife has never asked me not to watch, so I don't know how I would respond.
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female
reader, Landie  +, writes (11 January 2008):
 Maybe be wants to have sex more. I don't believe he is cheating on you because if he was he would not be watching it but going out and having it.
I have asked guys that I know why they do it and they say its to gain experience and see how to please a woman more that could also be the case. The only thing you can do is sit down and talk it all out because there has to be a reason why he does it.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): Some men do this and women are ok about it. Have a word with him and explain that you dont like it but you would rather he didnt do it while you were out of the house either as it makes you feel uncomfortable. Talk to him and try and put your point across. But i can bet that if he wants to do it then he will while you are out and just hope that you dont find out. Is it such a terrible thing? As long as he loves you and you love him and you are both totally satisfied with each other in the bedroom department, then i wouldnt put too much emphasis on it.
take care
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