A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im in a relationship , i feel i have no life i have no say in anything , i can not move anything around the house, ie ornaments, furniture. i have no say in the decor, im not aloud to do the ironing when hes at home im not aloud to buy anything without showing him it bfirst in case he doesnt like it he never listens to me he is always right. i have been with him 13 years we have 3 children i feel at a loss , these are just a few things i have to deal with. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ms Shibari +, writes (12 January 2008):
My heart goes out to you. I've no idea how your relationship got so bad. I'm sure you've tried talking to him about his. Do you have friends/family who can support you/talk to?
You are an individual with rights. He should not be treating you like this. Perhaps you could try to find a local's women's group, hostel or your GP just to talk to about where to get help and advice.
It takes and awful lot to pack your bags and go, but if you could talk first to someone it might help. Have you tried couples counselling? They can help mediate.
The fact you've sent this email means you know things aren't right and have to change. And that takes an awful lot so well done.
Take care xx
A
male
reader, shikari424 +, writes (11 January 2008):
Uh oh. You're clearly not happy.
And quite rightly? He's treating you like rubbish, completely taking you for granted!
Go have an affair! :P
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 January 2008):
 If you want to win ur right as an indidual and as a wife be prepared to fight for your rights.
He has totally dominated you and destroyed your self esteem, confidence and ability to think.
You cannot talk sense to this guy. If you want to have a better and fairer relationship, you need to leave your family and be independent. You need to show that you can stand on your own.When you leave, he will find that he cannot control you anymore and have to accept you as an equal.He will have problems taking care of the kids and he will reaize that he needs you.In fact he needs you more than you need him.He does not know that.
Be prepared to pack your bags and leave. This is the only way he will listen to you.Then you tell him your terms for coming back He may not allow you to see the children. You must be strong in this fight.Get the support from your friends or own family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): My stomach really turned over when i moderated this one. I have been in a similar situation. Mine, was worse. I was a battered wife for 20 years, we had 2 kids, etc. You need to make a stand now before the best years of your life are over. You cannot back the years but you can regain confidence and self worth, and freedom. You need to be strong, i did it, so can you. You need to try and talk to him, if that fails, i know from experience it will, then make a stand. Ask yourself just how much longer are you going to throw away your life. Have you got anywhere to go if you leave and take the kids? I didnt, so i had to do it the hard way. Try and get on a housing list and move on from there. If you can stay with a relative until you get things sorted then better still. But please promise me that you will end this misery now. Let me know how you get on and get in touch if you want and i will give you all the help and support that i can.
take care
xx
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